:: 2005 10 January :: 4.37 pm

damn it!
Have I ever told you How much i HATE people?
They R so fuckin stupid I hate em all
And I hate men....GRR

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:: 2005 1 January :: 5.04 pm

So I really hope this year is better than my last year was, most definatly i do. My list of things to do durin the year of 2005:
1.} Talk to my mom and see if we can get things straight again.
2.} get everything set and squared away to have our house built bigger so Janet an her kids can move in *yay*!
3.} Figure out who my real friends are and who arent.
4.} Start hanging out with old friends i havent in a while and dont really have a reason to as to why.
5.} Get my lisence and car *which Granma and Granpa have for me*
6.} Keep my grades up in school so I can graduate, and get a good job in the future.
7.} Work on gettin a real job even though the one i have now is alright for now.
8.} Work on talkin to my dad about more things
9.} losing weight
10.} Having a *hopefully* Great year and dont let anything get me down....


WELL I hope you all have a great and safe year!

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:: 2004 27 December :: 6.41 pm

Some poem i randomly made...
So i made this poem outta no where...

The Abuse of Love:

He could hug me

he could kiss me

Will this ever be ment to be?

You could hurt me

Give me a bruise here and there

If this is what it takes

I just want to feel loved

You could smack me you could punch me

As long as i learn my lesson

this is Love

Shake me, make me bleed

Will you at least love me, thats all i plead!

Choke me, you could even rape me, just be mine

I will love you no matter what you do or say

call me names

tell me i'm no good

I dont care

this is the abuse of Love

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:: 2004 23 December :: 12.42 pm

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: nope
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
Sleep with stuffed animals? occasionally
Live in the moment?: yup
Think you'll get married?: yes
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes
Play an instrument?:no but i wanna learn how to play guitar
Believe there is life on other planets?: Yes
Remember your first love?:yeah
Still love her/him?: no
Read the newspaper?: Occasionally
Have gay/lesbian friends?: Yes
Believe in miracles?: Yes
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: yeah but its hard
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yes, very
Fav candy?: reeses?
Believe in astrology?: sure
Believe in magic?: yeah
Believe in god?: yes
Pray?: occasionally
Go to church?:sometimes

MOVING ON
Have any secrets?: Many
Any pets: *sighs* not anymore
College?: someday....maybe
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah haha
Wear hats?: yes
HATE YOURSELF?: somtimes when i have noone to talk to
WISH YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE?: sometimes yes
Collect anything?: naw
Have a best friend(s)?: KATIE COLLINS!
Wish on stars?: sometimes
Like your handwriting?: yeah
Any bad habits?: biting nails
Care about looks?: yes
Believe in witches?: idk
Satan?: yes, but dont like him
Ghosts?: yes
Trust others easily?: too easily
Like noise?: yes when is music or talkin, even the sound of the wind

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF
I see: my comp screen?
I find: my hair tye?
I want: to be loved
I wish: i could read minds
I hate: people who annoy the fuck outta me
I miss: childhood when all you had to do was lie there without a thought
I hear: ppl walkin back and forth and me typing
I smell: like strawberries and cream
I crave: strawberries now that you make me think of it!
I hunt: deer and rabbits?
I wonder: if he will accept me
I regret: telling men that i like them
I cried: last tuesday

LAST TIME YOU.
Bought something: yesterday for xmas
Danced: at the club about a month ago
Were sarcastic: when aint i?
Kissed someone: november 5th
Talked to an Ex: uhhh today
Nightmare: my mom died
Last book you read: Of mice and men
Last movie you saw: stupid movie called, house of the dead, i advise you not to watch it it was the stupidest movie ever made!
you heard: music?
Last thing you had to drink: milk
Feeling this moment: uhhh idk?

DESCRIBE YOUR..
[ x ] Wallet - uhh $140 but keeping it for my trip to chicago
[ x ] Hairbrush -used this morning
[ x ] Toothbrush - used this morning, and need a new one
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - 3 rings, 2 pairs of earings, and 9 bracelets
[ x ] Pillow cover - white
[ x ] Coffee Cup - got a pic of a bass on it
[ x ] Sunglasses - if i had them they'd be pink n black
[ x ] Underwear - do you really need to know?
[ x ] Favorite shirt - my pink one
[ x ]Cologne/Perfume - addidas
[ x ] Tattoos - i want one
[ x ] Piercings - ears
[ x ] In my mouth - cock? I mean, food
[ x ] In my head - weird ideas
[ x ] Wishing - i could move to calidonia
[ x ] Fetishes - umm?
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - my mom
[ x ] Is next to you - a piece of paper...
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - You got served, a walk to remember...
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - if february counts my 18th bday!
[ x ] The last thing you ate - tacos?
[ x ] Something that you are afraid of - graduating
[ x ] Do you like candles - yes
[ x ] Do you like incense - yes
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - never tried and dont plan on it
[ x ] Do you believe in love -yeah
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - idk
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - uhh idk
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - its a pleasant thought, yes
[ x ] Do you believe in God - Yes...
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - organ donor
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - regret
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - my dog back
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - an allnighter with a friend
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - yeah
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - quarter, its worth more lol
[ x ] What are some of your favorite animals -dog, horse, cat
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - my thoughts, my life
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better -my own life
[ x ] Who is someone that you really wish was still around -my grandpa stone...
LAYER ONE:
Name: Heather Renee Rathbun
Birth date: 2-17-87
Nickname: dont really have one
Current Location: Cedar Springs, MI
Eye Color: green/brown
Hair Color: real hair color, brown, dyed = really dark brown soon to be with highlighs
Height: 5'9"
Righty or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Aqurious how ever you spell it

LAYER TWO:
The shoes you wore today: tennis shoes from wall mart!
Your weakness: love
Your fears: living alone, not bein loved
Goal you'd like to achieve: drivers license

LAYER THREE:
Your thoughts when you first wake up: dont want to get up...
Your best physical feature: my eyes?
Your bedtime: 10ish, weekends as long as i want
Most missed memory: seein my mom

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Subway, definately
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: does it matter?
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino

LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: No
Cuss: Yes
Sing: Yes
Have a crush(es): yes...
Do you think you've been in love: yes
Want to go to college: Yes
Like(d) high school: Yes, i love to talk
Want to get married: someday
Believe in yourself: i believe i can try
Motion sickness: naw
Think you're attractive: no sometimes yes,
Think you're a health freak: no
Get along with your parents: dad yes, mom not really for now
Play an instrument: not yet


LAYER SIX: In the past month...
Drank alcohol: yes
Smoked: No
Done a drug: no
Had Sex: no, im a virgin
Made Out: no
Gone on a date: no
Gone to the mall?: yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: ano
Eaten sushi: no
Been on stage: yes
Drama class: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Made homemade cookies: yes
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: yup
Stolen anything: no

LAYER SEVEN
Ever... -- Played a game that required removal of clothing:
If so, was it mixed company?: Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
Been caught "doing something": no
Been called a tease: Yes
Gotten beaten up: naw
Shoplifted:no
Changed who you were to fit in: if i change its to be more me and not what other want me to be

LAYER EIGHT:
Age you hope to be married: ...26?
Numbers and Names of Children: ...2 girl, sierra or Bianka, Boy, idk yet
Describe your Dream Wedding: outside weddin the sun shining
How do you want to die: of old age
Where you want to go to college:idk
What do you want to be when you grow up:Photographer or a family counseler
What country would you most like to visit: Austraillia

LAYER NINE:
Best eye color? green
Best hair color? brown
Short or long hair: long Height: 5'9"
Best weight: thats not something you ask a girl
Best articles of clothing: jeans and a sweater
Best first date location: movies
Best first kiss location: guy on the lips

LAYER TEN:
Number of people I could trust with my life: 3 or 4 tops
Number of CDs that I own: like 15?
Number of piercings: ears, so 4
Number of tattoos:0 want one though
Number of cars you own: one

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:: 2004 22 December :: 6.32 pm
:: Mood: calm

OK so yeah i dyed my hair, it is realllllly dark brown but looks black, i think i like it though, and i'm still wonderin whether i should highlight it or not, if it would ruin the look of it or whatever.....tell me what you think! even if you dont like it tell me! ok i'm done bye!

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:: 2004 21 December :: 3.50 pm

OK so i was at ashley prices house last night, mucho fun mucho fun! and thats all i have to say.

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:: 2004 20 December :: 11.13 am

HEY PPL WHO DONT READ MY JOURNAL WHAT IS UP!! ok GOOD NEWS my phone is workin now yay for me!!
lol anyways if you ever need to call me...*stacy* call 696-2032 ok?? ttyl~

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:: 2004 16 December :: 8.22 pm

I can't believe it...she is gone. They took her. I miss her so much. *sighs*

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:: 2004 12 December :: 4.29 pm

Need me, Love me, support me, help me, accept me.

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:: 2004 10 December :: 6.18 pm
:: Mood: okay

Meh...
SOO this week has been really shitty... Tuesday, We got a letter from my mom. She said a lot of things that made me cry, and my dad made me kinda sad too...he said that the first page was nothin but excuses and you know that pisses me off she is tryin to get back to us now and tryin to help herself out of this huge ass hole she made for herself and i think she is really tryin, I mean i know my dad is tryin to help and i love him for that but it seems like everytime we talk about her he has nothin but negative things to say about her, which i do understand in a way cuz she was gone no talkin, writing anything for a year, then decides to come back, he doesnt want her to hurt us again like she did last year. But I love my mom so much, and i want her back i miss her a lot. But i dont know she said that last xmas when she seen us (for the last time) "she felt like she was nothing like she had died, and a few times tried to make that happen" I couldnt beleive when i read that. I cried the most at that part, its bad enough that we havent seen her but if i had known she ever died. I would go into more depression than what Im in now, not that i went to the doc to diagnose it or whatever but, I'm always moody either i'm happy or i'm really sad and usually its really sad unless i'm around ppl that make me happy and i know i can be myself around. ya know? but anyways i guess thats all for now. oh I made 50 dollars today for an hour of babysittin i didnt have to work the rest of this week cept today, *YaY fOr Me!* hehe byes

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:: 2004 7 December :: 8.34 pm

You know what FUCK all those who thought they knew me and they dont. FUCK THEM. See I told you that you dont know me anymore now that i'm so *stuck up* you think i'm a shitty friend, well sorry but I TOLD you b4 that ive Changed, maybe for the better could be for the worse, either way i will learn from this. So ya know what DEAL WITH IT. and if they are reading this they KNOW who i'm talkin to.

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:: 2004 7 December :: 6.05 pm

So yeah, Dont ppl PISS you off?? they do me.

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:: 2004 6 December :: 5.54 pm

So Today is December 6th of 2004, wow, where did this year go, that is crazy, anyways I think i wanna do a party for New Years, either that or someone invite me to there's would be better i wouldnt have the sisters to watch, In others *hints to STACY* we should hang out lol, anyways So yeah i made a poem it kinda sucks but whatever here it is,
Many are Lost Many are found
What if i tripped and fell on the ground
Someone help me please
I feel as if i have become deceased
Where have they all gone
Shall we ever get along?
My life is goin down this hill
I feel my body, it shivers with a chill
Someone take my hand
I'm exploring this new wonderland
I need to be hugged
Someone please i need to be loved
So many of you dont know me anymore
you all walk past me Im totally ignored
Just accept me
This is how i want to be
And this is how I WILL be
Face it your all just Jealous of me

haha yeah you know your jealous of me cmon just fess up!! lol jk anywhore yeah i'm done.

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:: 2004 5 December :: 8.58 pm

So i sit here and talk randomly about my nothings. Anywho so yeah i look at my xanga yesterday and see a comment from Autumn silvers who thinks Im *So stuck up* I'm thinkin, Ok and how is this? Umm OK whatever she can think what she wants but I dont think i'm stuck up lol i'm just tryin to be myself SORRY! but yeah anyways so this weekend was totally awesome, I had Katie over saturday and we had an awesome time we talked a lot about everything from my mom to boys and friends so yeah it was kool but thats all i have for now and OH did anyone notice the change of woohu? wow. that is crazy idk if i like it but ill get used to it haha byes

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:: 2004 24 November :: 6.16 pm

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

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