This Is My True Freedom

now you have to watch what clothes you wear

:: 2007 7 February :: 10.37am

5 day[s] remain | the end is here

and one must ask: is there such a thing as true ethnicity?

:: 2007 5 February :: 2.10pm

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

2 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2007 29 January :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: a promise to return - bear mccreary

transposition
she is unsure how to begin, and tries, inexpertly, to bring all the pieces together, finding how mapped hearts can draw lines from one place and tangle in another. strings, crossing paths, and then forever expelled in the opposite direction.

she is too young to feel this old, and she sighs, and the dim light from the windows are making the room glow at the edges.

rina	:: 2007 21 January :: 11.02pm :: Mood: sick :: Music: you gotta feel it - spoon it's a long way home sneezing with a thermometer in your mouth = uncool. (i am not dependable. these responsibilities of mine give me both purpose and the ability to fail.) the end is here

:: 2007 16 January :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: sun, sun, sun - the elected

postcards from the beach
she stands quietly (fidgeting, fingers curling against the hem of her shirt) and listens to the breeze rushing by. she thinks it might be like a whisper against her skin (cliched/overrated/underused), like fingertips trailing across her cheekbones, and rippling against her clothes like a lover's careful touch.

the sand is whipped from the ground, and the crashing of waves is like cymbals, heralding a coming storm, a coming end, a coming something. (her ears are ringing; there were fireworks the night before).

she is waiting (forever waiting, the kind that makes her chest ache with the force of it) and she is accepting (not really) and she is understanding (impossible). she is calm.

(her heart is pounding.)

maybe. maybe, but lost, but hope is still within her. (just this once, just this once, just this once.)

she breathes, and the cold rushes in, crushing her lungs, inflating her doubt. (i thought you'd come this time).

the wind wraps around her slowly and she leans into it, feeling for something that is not meant to be.

(maybe next year, she decides.)

i love you, she says into the air, and she closes her eyes against the salty breath of the sea.

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2007 14 January :: 2.11pm

give me religion and a lobotomy
i am so easily annoyed. i wish i was laid back. i want to be one of those cool, mellow people who can chill and not be affected by things... or who does not take offense to everything under the sun because it may possibly hurt himself or others. i can't take a joke for the life of me... perhaps because inherent in western-style jokes is the degradation or disrespect of an oft stereotyped person or group of people, which only exists for the purpose of the joke, after all. how else can you dehumanize people so killing them is so much easier?

i'm annoyed by what i perceive to be superficiality, when in actuality, it may just be a different way of socializing than i can understand or prefer. maybe some people truly do feel connections to 50 people at a time and can feel comfortable, happy, and complete without being serious or forming deep reciprocal friendships with other people. some, probably even most, people enjoy what i would deem superficial relationships in order to evade the bleak, meaningless existence that we each occupy. an existence like a fly stuck between the glass and screen of a window pane. it is reasonable... quite practical and logical, really, to want to deny such an existence by layering your life with more meaningless things. for, by collecting and surrounding yourself with meaningless things in order to disguise the meaninglessness of your life, the chaotic busy-ness that ensues will thereby create urgency and the illusion that everything is important and therefore meaningful.

:: 2007 13 January :: 5.10pm

taken from this article:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said yesterday that those calling for dialogue with Syria and Iran fail to realize that these countries are seeking to undermine stability, and that talks with them are unlikely to yield results.

"stability" is relative, obviously... since a U.S.-israeli controlled middle east is somehow, in rice's opinion, more "stable" than an arab-controlled middle east. as usual, we have forgotten that much of the instability of the region has resulted from the imperialist domination by the US and israel in dividing and conquering arab lands for the past century. obviously, an infantile refusal to talk and cooperate with other nations will yield much better results than working for peace and justice for all people. i mean, look at how well bombs and guns have worked in iraq.

:: 2007 10 January :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: closing in - imogen heap

i hope that you make it
life is good.

it's hectic and frustrating and stressful, causes loss of sleep and gain in exhaustion, perpetually stays a lightyear ahead of where you ought to be, and is continually full of surprises.

and it's good. i've had more work this week than almost any other, but i have laughed more in the past few days than i did in the past two months.

i accept the trade-off, life. thank you.

:: 2007 4 January :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: leave the earth behind you and take a walk in the sunshine - ballboy

are you happy, with your life?
i am more popular with people thousands of miles away!

in other news, i am already itching for summer. i'm going to try to stay in sweden for as long as humanly possible, because i have been aching desperately for it.

(jag längtar efter blå himmel, och gröna skogg, och att känna helt perfekt.)

:: 2007 4 January :: 5.35pm

:: 2007 4 January :: 10.18am

Escalation

Demonstration

Condemnation

:: 2007 4 January :: 2.37am
:: Mood: unsurprised
:: Music: eight flew over, one was destroyed - mew

you want to see what lies can set you free
it always seems to happen this way.
the only difference is i'm not going to waste any time on it.

(i don't really have many friends. closeness is belied by selfishness.)

6 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2007 3 January :: 12.50pm

i am so socially avoidant sometimes. i apologize for being the worst keep-in-touch person alive.

i really am a recluse...

:: 2007 3 January :: 8.15am

Cops gun down unarmed student in Wilmington, N.C.
Read more..

:: 2006 25 December :: 9.48pm

happy christmas

rina	:: 2006 25 December :: 1.36pm :: Mood: content :: Music: gollum's song - howard shore merry christmas, guys. :) 1 day[s] remain \| the end is here

:: 2006 22 December :: 12.42pm

i meant to post this on wednesday
Read more..

:: 2006 22 December :: 4.05pm