rina
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2006 20 February :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: celebration guns - stars
then the next day, how well you know your enemy
i do not want to be everyone's defective friend.
that "oh, well guess who i know" friend, who you slip into coversation because you have nothing better to say.
a filler.
yes, i have insomnia.
that doesn't mean i'm happy about it.
that doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you know.
i feel so bare, when you tell people.
i told you in confidence,
and here you guys are,
"give her a break, she has insomnia for crying out loud!"
what delicious gossip!
so, really,
when you are surviving on maybe
two or three hours nightly,
and trying to still live your life the way you can,
you can tell everyone you'd like.
this is not my excuse,
not for late classwork,
or faulty mindset,
or bad taste.
it does not hinder my life,
because i don't notice it most of the time.
stop making it part of yours.
1 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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2006 14 February :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: kissing the lipless - the shins
gluing tinsel to your crown
i love cold mornings where you can see your breath,
it's like watching your words take shape.
the end is here
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rina
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2006 10 February :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: play crack the sky - brand new
the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west
you are ridiculous.
your gender, in particular, is ridiculous,
and awkward is not a strong enough word.
you know sometimes they call me tous lightening,
but i suppose this can mean nothing,
since lightening can never strike in the same place twice.
the end is here
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cowboy67
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2006 9 February :: 11.11pm
i figured the woohu folks should see this
read definition #3
2 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 8 February :: 2.57am
:: Mood: exhausted
ignoring the ache of my head,
i have never in my life felt so elated.
its 3 in the morning,
and i have no one to share this with.
1 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 3 February :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: something to look forward to - spoon
some things are best left unsaid
i have decided,
that late nights spent on useless speeches, essays, projects, etc
are entirely over.
i'm going to be young and carefree.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 1 February :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: let go - frou frou
there's beauty in the breakdown
i need better work ethic,
because it mostly consists of sighs,
backward glances, impossible structures.
this is so difficult,
willing the right words to flow from my fingertips.
i always think that its so much easier speaking in person,
because think of what we're missing?
creeping blushes, fidgeting hands, bright eyes.
we're so defined by our mannerisms.
so much that it makes up, oh, 95 percent of language.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 31 January :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: iou - metric
subtract my age from the mileage on my speeding heart
i hate hate hate the way i am blamed for things not concerning me.
the day i leave here,
i hope i don't look back.
i do, however, really enjoy a certain boy's company.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 29 January :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: si tu n'etais pas la (frehel)
incapable de rester toute seule
how can i be sure,
that everything you've said to me,
has not been the chaos of mixed signals?
for once,
i'd like to feel that i'm actually in control of something,
and that i might be worth more than a quick fix.
i will not be the sum of all my inadequacies.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 27 January :: 3.28pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: la valse d'amelie (piano)
whats holding up her face, nothing but blue skies
i was locked outside my house today,
for almost two hours,
and i have never been so content in my life.
the sky was a clear, heartaching blue,
and i was listening to comptine d'un autre: l'apres midi,
almost on repeat,
and in that time i've decided that i love the way clouds melt together at the slightest touch,
like a lover's embrace.
sometimes i imagine that if the world were to reverse itself,
inside-out-upside-down,
then the endless abyss of sky would be my home.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 25 January :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: hopesfall
today was,
in all ways possible,
perfect.
2 day[s] remain |
the end is here
|
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rina
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::
2006 21 January :: 5.44pm
:: Music: monster hospital - metric
i fought the war but the war won
scanned two sketchbook entries.
they are here and here.
i can't stand cancellations.
the sorry, denied, deleted, just-a-memory.
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 20 January :: 2.36am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: the calender girl - stars
the stars will kiss your pretty face
this is so terribly frustrating,
never doing work when i should.
i promised myself i'd do better, better, better.
and look where its got me,
i'm a burned-out-brain-dead-no-life-sucker.
c'mon now.
i waste my time doing things i shouldn't,
just to end up getting out of it anyways.
i do not possess any motivation,
and it feels like my heart is dying.
the end is here
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cowboy67
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::
2006 18 January :: 11.31pm
i hate when people highlight in books because most people don't know what's important and what's not and have no discrimination between main points and superfluous details, and so they highlight whole paragraphs at a time, and then sell their books back, so that when i buy their books, i can't concentrate on anything i'm reading except that PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF HIGHLIGHTING.
5 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 14 January :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: hopeless
:: Music: a lack of color - deathcab
and when i see you, i really see you upside down
i feel like i can't use the word 'depressed.'
it has such negative connotations.
as if, when you're sad about your cat dying, for example, you're just grieving. you're sad.
though if you instead say, i'm so depressed about my cat dying, its like saying that not only did your cat die, but your whole entire family died, and you're hanging on to that one inch of life you have left because of the pills that you pop, as much as you breathe oxygen.
so, examples aside,
i'm very sad at the moment.
i'm in this rut where nothing i say,
or do,
will get me out of it.
oh, i'm hoping you'll understand me when the time comes.
2 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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cowboy67
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2006 9 January :: 7.50pm
it's always funny until it happens to you
i hate helen keller jokes. i don't even know how to express the anger that rages inside me whenever i hear some insensitive, unappreciateive, ignorant dumbfuck say something stupid about her, and then let out belligerent laughter at his/her own self-perceived genius.
do you know anything about anything except what MTV spoon-feeds you from the moment you wake up until the moment you get drunk off your ass, screw a random person, and puke all over a public bathroom?
since you allow everyone else to do all the thinking for you, i think i'll jump at the opportunity to make you look even more like the asshole that you are.
this woman that you like to sneer at, this human being (that's right folks, the same exact thing as you are, imagine that!) that you de-humanize with your degrading insults, has more guts, more brains, and more compassion than your sorry piece-of-shit ass ever will. do you have any concept of what it might be like to be handicapped? could it be possible for you to think for 5 seconds about how difficult, frustrating, and sad it would be to live in this world, in this american society especially, with a handicap? she could not hear or see! do you even understand what that means in terms of existence? can you fathom how amazing it is that she was able to learn things, to communicate, and to become an educated, intelligent person when she couldn't see or hear a language? have you any idea of how important language is for simply THINKING, let alone expressing thoughts and understanding those of others? do you even care that you were so fortunate as to be born with eyes and ears, and not only that, but with ones that function properly? you ungrateful idiots. helen keller is fucking amazing. she is someone you should kneel to and admire! you will never be 1/100,000,000,000 of the person she was.
as both a feminist and socialist (two of the hottest things ever, in my opinion), she wrote to a british suffragist in 1911, saying: Our democracy is but a name. We vote? What does that mean? It means we choose between two bodies of real, though not avowed, autocrats. We choose between tweedledum and tweedledee...
You ask for votes for women. What good can votes do when ten-elevenths of the land of Great Britain belongs to 200,000 and only one-eleventh to the rest of the 40,000,000? Have your men with their millions of votes freed themselves from this injustice?
once her political position became public, the brooklyn eagle newspaper stated that "her mistakes spring out of the manifest limitations of her development." she responded by writing an editorial in the new york call (because the brooklyn eagle would not publish it in theirs):Oh, ridiculous Brooklyn Eagle! What an ungallant bird it is! Socially blind and deaf, it defends an intolerable system, a system that is the cause of much of the physical blindness and deafness which we are trying to prevent... The Eagle and I are at war. I hate the system which it represents... When it fights back, let it fight fair... It is not fair fighting or good argument to remind me and others that I cannot see or hear. I can read. I can read all the socialist books I have time for in English, German and French. If the editor of the Brooklyn Eagle should read some of them, he might be a wiser man, and make a better newspaper. If I ever contribute to the Socialist movement the book that I sometimes dream of, I know what I shall name it: Industrial Blindess and Social Deafness.
obviously, keller has much more integrity when responding to idiots than i do, and that is why i have so much respect for her. helen keller gets my vote for miss america.
2 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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cowboy67
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2006 5 January :: 3.33am
i'm home!
5 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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::
2006 4 January :: 12.44am
:: Music: calculation theme - metric
passions have eroded anyway
i wish i had some kind of astounding insight into life that someone else could relate to.
as of now,
my views, perspectives, opinions, are clouded by what i have yet to experience; as if everything i've never done is directly deciding how i see the world around me.
and more than ever, my sketchbook is becoming my journal.
sometimes, when people ask to see it,
i kind of curl up inside of myself, because all the drawings that are in there tie into some emotion or event, and it is very significant for me.
i've transferred myself onto paper.
so maybe,
perhaps if i have the time,
i'll scan some of my sketchbook entires.
because i think that some part of me is restricting my emotions.
like if i don't get over the feelings i already have, they will just fester inside of me and transform into something hideous.
and i wouldn't be able to handle that.
2 day[s] remain |
the end is here
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rina
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::
2005 31 December :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: dead guys with bombs - chris beck
heart has nothing to do with it
i hate that the only place you'll ever know as home is yourself.
and that your house, your family, your life, can feel like a prison.
the way glass shatters across a tile floor, that's how life is.
each little piece glinting, reflecting images of how you could be or how you were.
each tiny image of yourself distorted and broken against the grout cracks and the cold marble.
some pieces are bigger than the others, obviously,
but the smallest ones are always the most convoluted,
with a twistingly morbid sense of detail.
the prettier the point, the deeper the cut.
its that all-roses-have-thorns-you-know.
i hate this so much, wishing i was anywhere but here, but with no actual place to end up.
if only for the journey, i'd like to never come back.
because having a fixed destination is most definitely, and completely and utterly compromised, because no matter what road you take, you'll just end up where you wanted to go in the first place.
and isn't that just dandy.
i absolutely cannot stand the feeling of having my future decided for me.
if human beings are anything, they for sure aren't obedient.
i guess we live for the revolution.
and as a side note:
shittiest new year's ever.
the end is here
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