My grandparents r here haveing cake for my dad...fun fun!

Well today i really havent spoken to Evan....like we both had things to do this morning and now he is somewhere for his little sister...and the only way we have spoken today is throught text messaging and i can never get into full detail of what i want to say cuz typing on the phone takes a lot longer than typing on the computer. Like i feel like im in love with him but like i always think about what would happen if we break up---i would literaly die and never be the same. Just the thought of that makes me sick....but like either we r gonna be together forever or eventually break up and i hate the thought of not being with him. Like he always says that i get mad about stuff but im really not mad---im just like "omg what if we break up cuz of this?" and that makes me come across mad cuz i hate that thought. And like he tells me he loves me a lot and that im like the first gurlfriend he has really fallen in love with and like that is soooooo sweet but like at the same time i kinda hate hearing that cuz i dunno what would happen if i loose him and like i have like given my whole heart to him and i really would hate if its broken....like omg i cant even describe how i would feel with out crying. So at the same time that i love him and that im happy we r together....im also kinda sad. Cuz like no one knows and he doesnt either, how much he means to me...i cant even begin to explain it. My mom keeps telling me as Evan and i get closer and closer, that boys come and go....but i honestly dont know if this one is gonna go...but if i tell her that i will get a long lecture on how im only 14 and i have a long time be4 things get really serious with guys. And sometimes i think she is right, but then i see Evan and we hang out and i just cant see myself with out him. I cant help falling in love with him more and more everytime i see him. Like the feeling is indescribable...the only way i can describe it is by saying: it feels like ur heart has a mind of its own and like ur so emotionaly attached to the person that u just get mezmorized (spelling?) everytime u see and talk to them. Ane when they hug u, u feel like ur gonna melt in their arms and all ur troubles go away. Like Evan wants to know the reason y i dont say "i love u" to him face to face....and this is the real answer.....first of all, i have never said that to ne one outside of my family be4 and i am kinda scared to say it bcuz i dont want to like give my heart to him even more and then get it broken...wait, more like shattered. Im sry Evan...ill say it when im ready.

well i've said a lot and im out of things to say......im out

rise to the occasion, yeah