man im tired.....this week has been toooooooooo long....*burps*....i just ate spicy cajun pringles yummy and then drank a root beer mmmm....hehe my two favorite things...my mouth hurts....and my fingers too...ahh what have ive been doing with those things....hmm nothing!...so what has happened this week....i got nhs and i got treasurer for student government and i got ummm something...let me think..oh wellz i dont remember...oh yea i do remember im going to go out for dancerette i think i dont know i kinda want to...i want to loose wait and have fun so that sounds good to me......plus ill go to all the football games....and i dont have a half bad body...just like driggers says...im j-lo with boobies....hehe yes yes....during 8th period i hung out with driggers...he is really awesome....during 1st i had a test...and i didnt get to finish it so i was really pissed...2 i was umm doing office....3 thingy....4 test.....5 poem....6 thingy....7 paper....8 driggers....hmmmmmmm SOUNDS GOOD...me and olivia are going out tomorrow.....yippie...i get to swim and i get to pick up guys...im tired...and i want to say something but me forgot......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......something happened but i really cant remember...only thing i can remember is the convo me and thaimi had...oh well i have nothing really to write so ill write our convo...we were talking about how people say shit like i want to kill myself or im not good enough or i suck or do what i want and shit.....they are only doing it for attention so someone would say oh no dont...gosh thats annoying...ill admit i said i wanted to die....but i actually wanted to die...it wasnt for attention....i wish i was dead now but thats beside the point and i promised 2 people now i wouldnt so im not....you just got to live the days...yup yup..well im going to go cause someone is going to call me soon and i dont want this to be deleted.....ill write back later.....

I will NEVER EVER have kids....

look at the floor...
maybe they won't notice
did you say something?
of course not...i'm invisible
or at least to you i am...
i wish they couldn't see me...
i hear the whispers...
hey isn't that that girl...
shutup please...i'm sorry...
i've been abandoned...isn't that enough hurt from you people?
walk down the hall...
take the plunge...
keep your head down...
and maybe no one will say anything today...
of course not...
i have to be reminded everyday of my life...
you walk by my locker...her hand in yours...
and she looks at me and whispers in your ear...
why don't you just kill me...
well...i guess this is close enough...
i have no spirit...
you've broken my spirit...
my soul is a blackhole of sorrow...
and its all because of you...
i wish you still felt the way that you used to...
when we were happy...
when we were in love...
when you cared...

behind the bars...
i've made them myself...
it's no one's fault but mine you say...
but i beg to differ...
it's YOUR fault...
push me down once i try to stand...
tell me i'm nothing...
and for a while...i believed that was true...
but a flicker of hope...
happened upon me today...
and made me think...
ARE YOU WORTH THIS HELL?...
well the answer is yes...oddly enough
i love you more than comprehension...
but...
you beg to differ...
you turn your back...
and push me in to the depths of hell from which i learned to hate...
and maybe...
you'll feel the same some day...
but for now..
i bask in sorrow...
and hope for the best...
and grasp...
my little flicker of hope...

* »CMNT . ::