Pretty sure.
Everything i read, see, or think. All of it. I'm consumed by it. I miss it. everything i do links me back to it. I'm obsessed. I'm confused. I can't stop thinking about my mistakes. The hell i've caused others and myself.

Everything is nothing to me right now. Everyday is feels meshed into the day before like nothing has changed in a while. For over a month my life has been on pause and i can't find the button to unpause my life. That's because i Forced away the controller to the best game in my life. I listen to other people tell thier stories about how everything is for them and i get jealous of my past. Regret is hauting me everyday with everything i touch, smell, hear, or say.

I smell like tacos don't I?

Yeah you do, its ok because your son likes it.

My back hurts, but sitting here makes it feel better.

Everything is reflecting back to me and I am becoming more clear of the devastation i've caused. The lives i've changed and can't burden on my broken shoulders.

Everything i have been doing was a part of a life i had promised another.

A life that i can never live up to deserving.

I can finally feel the weight...

Finally..

All i can do now it let it collapse and catch as many pieces as i can ever hold of this past and future.

I'll forever cherish each piece i hold within my grasp and love you forever.

[Verse 1]

I wouldn't want to be anybody else

( Hey! )

You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

Na na na na na
Na na na na na na
I'm no beauty queen
I'm just beautiful me

La na na na na na na na na!
La na na na na na na na na!

You've got every right
To a beautiful life
( C'mon! )


Who says
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me
That's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful
Who says

[Selena Gomez - Verse 2]

It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth

It's like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won't let you touch the sky

La na na na na na na na na!
La na na na na na na na na!

I'm no beauty queen
I'm just beautiful me

La na na na na na na na na!
La na na na na na na na na!


You've got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

[Chorus]

Who says
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me
That's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful

Who says
Who says you're not star potential
Who says you're not presidential
Who says you can't be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don't pass the test
Who says you can't be the best
Who said, who said
Won't you tell me who said that
( Yeah, WHO SAID!? )

Who says
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me
That's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful
Who says(x2)

Today's fav!
I haven't heard this song in years and it popped in my head randomly today. I miss the days where music like this was popular. The years have passed.

Today was hilarious at work! one of the people who used to work there when i started came back today and was working, totally showed me up steaming on line. But tis cool, Maybe she will replace me as a steamer and i can do drive thru or something again until i becomes shift lead.

Anyways! I was singing Lazy song today and she caught wind of it and started singing it too, then another and another, next thing i know we had 6 people all singing it while we worked! I've always wanted to be at work when a musical breaks out like that and everyone sings! Probably one of the best days i've worked in a looooong long time!




He was a boy she was a girl
can I make it anymore obvious?

He was a punk, she did ballet
What more can I say?

He wanted her,she'd never tell
secretly she wanted him as well
but all of her friends, stuck up their nose
they had a problem with his baggy clothes.

He was a skater boi,
she said see you later boi
he wasn't good enough for her
she had a pretty face
but her head was up in a space
she needed to come back down to earth

Five years from now, she sits at home
Feeding the baby she's all alone

She turns on T.V., guess who she sees
Skater boy rocking up MTV

She calls up her friends, they already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show

she tags along, and stands in the crowd
Looks up at the man that she turned down

He was a skater boi
She said see ya later boi
He wasn't good enough for her
Now he's a superstar
Slammin on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?
He was a skater boi
She said see ya later boi
He wasn't good enough for her
Now he's a superstar
Slammin on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

Sorry girl, but you missed out
Well tough luck that boy's mine now

We are more than just good friends
This is how the story ends

Too bad that you couldn't see
See the man that boy could be

There is more than meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside

He's just a boy and I'm just a girl
can I make it anymore obvious?

We are in love, haven`t you heard?
How we rock each others world!

im with the skaterboi
I said see ya later boi
I'll be backstage after the show
I'll be at the studio
Singing the song we wrote
About a girl you used to know.

Im with a skaterboi
I said see ya later boi
I'll be backstage after the show
I'll be at the studio
Singing the song we wrote
About the girl you used to know.

Wishing my life away.
I think i am going to post song lyrics about my mood each day for while, Listening to music helps me deal with my day. Even though i wish my day was like this, I still went to work, dealt with something i needed to clairify. Next, well shit i dunno, lets see how things turn out now.

Oh! i almost forgot! My brother fianlly got back to me about going to Cali. I am so excited to finally meet the family that i have never seen before other then pictures! I will be heading that way in July around the 14th. He was saying it the best time to go to the beach, I can't wait! The only issue is that that leaves me here in this dingy house with crazy people with no sense of privacy, manners, or even consideration. Its so hard to try and keep my mind to myself when i can't even think around here, how in the hell am i supposed to try and clear my head, heart, soul of what i really want in life if i can't get away from this plague?

On the side note, she seems to be doing well now, I am really happy for her being able to be free. As things stand now i will stay on the side lines and watch her be free and happy while i sit inside the cage she once did. Its where i belong, Stuck in a cage with myself, alone for the sins i have caused to myself and others. The shoes i am expected to fill are finally starting to fade as money collects. I hate money, i really do. Nothing good ever comes out of me having any. I hurt people, i sever myself from others. All comes down to the greed of most of humanity, Friends, family, even strangers seem to change around you when you have a little cash. Its sad to say it but i'm not missing hanging out with people. Being pretty content in my own little world right now doing what i think matters the most. Well there is my rant about things and how they have been the last couple weeks. Cya tomorrow with hopefully a new inspiring song that i had enjoyed!




Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything
I Just Wanna Lay In My Bed
Don't Feel Like Pickin' Up My Phone
So Leave A Message At The Tone
'Cause Today I swear I'm Not Doin' Anythin'

I'm Gonna Kick My Feet Up
Then Stare At The Fan
Turn The TV On
Throw My Hand In My Pants
Nobody's Gon' Tell Me I Can't

I'll Be Lounging On The Couch, Jus' Chillin In My Snuggie
Click To MTV So They Can Teach Me Howda Dougie
Cause In My Castle I'm The Freakin' Man
Oh Oh

Yes I Said It
I Said It
I Said It 'Cause I Can

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything
I Just Wanna Lay In My Bed
Don't Feel Like Pickin' Up My Phone
So Leave A Message At The Tone
'Cause Today I Swear I'm Not Doin' Anythin'
Nothin' At All

Woo Hoo Ooh
Woo Hoo Ooh Ooooh Ooh Ooh

Nothin' At All

Woo Hoo Ooh
Woo Hoo Ooh Ooooh Ooh Ooh

Tomorrow I'll Wake Up Do Some P90X
Meet A Really Nice Girl Have Some Really Nice Sex
She's Gonna Scream Out "This Is Great!" (Oh My God! This Is Great!)

Yeah

I Might Mess Around, and Get My Collage Degree
I Bet My Old Man Would Be So Prouda Me

But Sorry Pops You'll Just Have To Wait
Oh Oh

Yes I Said It
I Said It
I Said It 'Cause I Can

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything
I Just Wanna Lay In My Bed
Don't Feel Like Pickin' Up My Phone
So Leave A Message At The Tone
'Cause Today I swear I'm Not Doin' Anythin'

No I Ain't Gonna Comb My Hair
'Cause I Ain't Goin' Anywhere
No No No No No No No No No
Ohhh

I'll Just Strut In My Birthday Suit
And Let Everything Hang Loose
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yes I Said It
I Said It
I Said It 'Cause I Can

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything
I Just Wanna Lay In My Bed
Don't Feel Like Pickin' Up My Phone
So Leave A Message At The Tone
'Cause Today I swear I'm Not Doin' Anythin'
Nothin' At All

Woo Hoo Ooh
Woo Hoo Ooh Ooooh Ooh Ooh

Nothin' At All

Woo Hoo Ooh
Woo Hoo Ooh Ooooh Ooh Ooh

Gone under.
Hey there stranger, how you been
Feels like I'm standing on the outside looking in
At the mess we left behind
And it's a long way to fall
I gave you everything I had
I gave it all
And then my heart was on the line

I can't hate you
Any longer
I know I'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let it go.

Say hello to goodbye, cause it's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello...

And this is how it has to be
Cause it's a deadly combination, you and me
You know it's undeniable
Even though we tried it all
We brought the worst out in each other
I recall
We can't act it anymore

What doesn't kill you
It makes you stronger
And though I'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let you go

Say hello to good-bye

It's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello...

And even though the tears will dry
I can't completely disconnect
Couldn't make the compromise
Didn't have a safety net

Say hello to goodbye
Heeey ya ya

Say hello, goodbye

Say hello to good-bye
It's gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And I'll survive without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cause, that was there and only then.

Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, hello
To goodbye.

So much
I miss her so much, She is in my mind in every second that i breathe. I've done so much damage cause so much chaos. Every words she shares with me right now i treasure so much that she is willing to give me the pleasure of speaking with her, I have so many fears racing through my head at this very moment. Surgery, feelings to confess, memories, thoughts. so many things. So much do miss her voice and laugh. She posted a picture of a shirt and i was put into awe in her beauty. Someday i will like to be face to face with her again as a better man worthy of being with her again.

Photos
I know i broke my trust with her, but on something like this i am not lying about little things. I said who i was with. I know it looks otherwise but there really was nothing going on there. I guess i hurt that trust so much that it doesn't matter to explain it. She won't believe me.

I've been waking up so late and tired recently with a lot on my plate to start the day with on my mind. I am getting so exhausted, both mentally and physically. But i don't have time to relax only two days remain. I am so scared what is happening in two days, So very scared i don't know what to think, or do, or anything. its got me in such a bind its almost paralyzing.