::
2008 4 July :: 8.02am
:: Mood: envious
:: Music: "Willkommen im Nichts" by Eisbrecher
You know what? o.o
All of my entries are too fuckin' long. So here's a nice, short, subtle entry.
I want to go to Germany! >___< End of story. o.o
Though, I should probably learn more German before I go. Man, I want to travel the world and see so many places. I just want to get out of America and see so many beautiful places. I plan on it and even if it kills me, I'll do it. ><
On another note, I can't wait to hear Eisbrecher's new work. *Squeals like a little fangirl* ... *Clears throat* I'm done.
::
2008 4 July :: 4.58am
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: "Love Again" by Cascada
I need something to sing about...
This woohu... is becoming my sanctuary... >.>
It's like, this is the one place I can come to rant when I have no one to rant to, or when I just don't feel like involving those in my everyday life with my problems. xD
Yeah, it's like that.
I'm just in a meh sort of mood right now. I do feel a bit better now than when I originally clicked to update my journal for the day though. Hahaha. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm finally about to be the only one in the house awake. I feel like singing tonight. Maybe I'll get something new up on the ol' music myspace that isn't going anywhere. Lmao!
I want to sing. That's all I want to do anymore. Sure, I'm going to school for interactive media [web design, if you will] and digital video, so that way I can actually get a decent job when I'm out on my own, and while those are things I truly enjoy doing [even just for recreational purposes], music is my dream career. I've sang passionately ever since I was three years old and massively obsessed with The Little Mermaid. XD I suppose that means that this is something I've done and wanted to do for 15 years now, and it's something I'll continue doing until the day I die.
Everyone I know says I have a really nice voice, but it hasn't gotten me anywhere yet. I don't have the money for vocal lessons and I suppose I'm just not in the right places to get "discovered". Hahaha. But yeah, I have a music myspace and I collab with John who makes some pretty kick ass music with his keyboards and his computer. :D
Here is a link to it if by any chance anyone out there is interested. :P Most of the songs up there are just random covers with my first ever original piece, music by John, lyrics and vocals by me. It's not all that great because I had to sing in front of John which made me really nervous and that's the first take of it. Lmao!
Fortunately, I suppose writing is one of those things I'm half decent at to, when I have the proper inspiration. What sucks is that when I don't have the inspiration, I can't really write anything all that well. A lot of my good songs come out when I'm pissed at someone. For example, here's a poem I wrote for an ex when I was very upset with him:
"There's an icy cold fire burning in your heart
An inferno from an anger, tearing you apart
There's an icy cold fire burning in your eyes
A soul I do not hesitate to say that I despise
There's an icy cold fire running through your veins
An eternity of solitude has driven you insane
There's an icy cold fire you surely cannot hide
Your hideous monstrosity is killing me inside
I cannot wait to see the day when it's you who are alone
I cannot wait to see when it is you who feels so cold
The days and years draw closer every day
And I know that soon enough you'll pay
All the pain I was caused was only in your name
An icy cold fire raging wild and untamed
Your cruelty was like that that knew no end
The love of some young child who only made pretend
I pulled the plug on all the games you played
I threw down the sewer every promise that you made
Locked away those feelings you only burnt to ashes
Waiting for the day when your whole world crashes
Never knew before
Just how it felt inside
To see a sickening whore
Be killed by his own lies
Now you're dead to me
A name in some old book
A faded page that destiny
Just must have overlooked
Where you are I do not know
And truly I don't care
If ever a wish that fate bestowes
Never let me wander there
A sick and twisted pleasure
I'm taking in your pain
But all the torment cannot measure
How you drove me insane
I see that crooked smile
So sweetly on your face
Even it takes a while
I'll rid of every trace
If heaven gets me through this
And hell can help along on the way
I know that in the dark abyss
Is where you'll end your days
I know you never cared
You show it oh so well
You're the worst form of ugly
And I hope you burn in hell
Hate to see you with that smile
Laughing on your throne
But in the end its all okay
Because I know you'll die alone"
Copyright of myself. o.o
But yeah, aside from the angsty poem above, I typically love writing, either fictional stories or poems/lyrics. It's my other true passion and I need to start doing it more. So yeah, that's why the life of a musician is the one I truly want to lead. I also have been playing electric guitar for about seven months now with lessons once a week and I love it. I don't love it as much as singing, nor am I as good at it as singing, but I love it so much.
I hope that getting better and better will get me and my voice some attention in this crazy industry. I'm not just going to live a mediocre life NOT doing what I love. Even if it's only in a small, not well-known band [although I do hope I will be well-known someday] I'll be happy with it because it's just doing what I love. I only get one life. I'm not going to waste it away working some office job for the rest of my life. Fuck that. Just. No. That's not the way I'm going to live.
Music, writing, art, video, web. Those are my five key passions, assuming that photography fits under art. If not, then that makes it six. Technically all of that can be considered art. Meh. I'm not getting technical. The morning's drawing on fast and I want to sing before I get too tired and sound like crap. xD
::
2008 3 July :: 10.49am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "It's Not Over" by Daughtry
So much for bed... o.o
I was bored. So what better to do before bed than randomly go on Bzoink and grab a survey of some sort? o.o Here, have fun.
Friend Survey [Oh Joy! >.>]
Pick 5 friends that come to mind first and answer the following questions. [Don't tell me what to do >.<]
#1: Matt
#2: Jim
#3: Nny
#4: John
#5: Josh
Apparently I'm a tad bit sexist this morning. o.o
How did #1 come to mind first?: Because I love him, and we were just talking two minutes ago.
Have you ever hungout with #3?: Not yet, but maybe some day. It's his birthday today too. ^^
Do you like #5?: Duh. He wouldn't be my friend if I didn't.
Do #5 and #2 know eachother?: Um, they've never met, but they've talked I believe.
Ever have any "sexual" moments with #2?: o.o I only saw him for 3 days. I think that's a pretty big "NO". XD
Who is the dumbest?: Hmm, not sure. Any one of them could kick my ass for calling them dumb, so I'll just go with Matt. Haha!
The smartest?: I'm going to go on a whim and say Jim since he graduated from DeVry. :P
How did you meet #3: The original Other Realm. Which is odd, because I don't think he ever even posted on it. Just randomly AIMed me one day. Lmao.
Does #5 like you?: Uhh, he better. *shakes fist in his general direction*
Who is the craziest?: Oh dear GOD, I can't pick. They pretty much all are! xD
Do #1 and #2 know eachother?: Again, they haven't met but I think they've talked.
Which friend do you like the most?: I'm a bit bias here because Matt's my boyfriend. I can't pick! I love them all. ^^
Is #4 Hot?: Ohhh yeah. He's Papa Pimpernickel, how can he not be? Even Matt wants him.
Ever have a crush on any?: On all of them at one point or another. I've dated 4/5, even though Nny was only jokingly for a weekend. :P
What's your favorite memory with #2: The three days he was here in town!! x3 We need to hang out again.
Ever gone anywhere with #4: Yep. Park, mall, bowling, prom. :)
Have you ever been in a fight with any?: I'm sure all of them at least some point in time.
Has #1 ever seen you nude?: o//o CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.
How did #5 come to mind last?: He's not as special as the others. XD Just kidding. Uhh, I don't know. I just randomly picked people I talked to today.
While you've been doing this survey has anyone else come to mind?: Not really.
Ever kissed or been kissed by #2?: Yes, when we were dating.
Would you date any of them?: I already mentioned dating 3/5, not including the Nny thing.
If so who?: Apparently I would have dated any of them in the past, but at this point in time, just Matt. ^^
Does any of them have a crush on you?: *Shudders at the poor grammar usage* I don't know. Do they? o.o
Do you think #5 would read this survey?: Probably not. He's gay like that.
Is #1 also #1 on your myspace top friends?: Indeed.
Are any of those people your girlfriend/boyfriend?: My GOD, yes. Get on with it already.
Who would you like to see right now out of all 5?: Hmm. *Thinks* Well, I'd suppose Jim since I haven't seen him in years.
Has #3 ever said anything about you behind your back?: Most likely, but hey, I was a psycho 14-year-old back then. Can you blame him?
Do you "like" #2?: Like? Sure. Like? Nah.
Does #5 own a car?: Hahahaha. Surely you're joking. If it were 1-3, I could say yes. But no.
Do you think any of them are gonna repost or take this survey?: No way. Most of them don't even know about this page.
Which calls you the most?: Matt.
Do any annoy you a lot?: Not really.
Ever dated any of them?: Oh dear GOD, SHOOT ME! >< Yes.
which of them last said I Love You?: Matt.
which last hugged you?: Matt.
which last IM'ed you?: Nny / Matt
which of them last hungout with you?: Matt.
Do you worry these people are gonna read what you said about them?: I could care less if they did. XD
::
2008 3 July :: 7.53am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "DOA" by Foo Fighters
Madness? This is MADRIGAL!
Yeah. I'm a loser. Sue me.
I'm so damn amused right now. I've been up all night and basically spent the past few hours playing Flyff. Cardpuppets, for some ungodly reason, were really pissing me off.
I was on one of my boyfriend's characters plvling one of my n00bish characters, which he was on while he was at work. Yeah, we're pretty backwards.
Anyway, I was fighting cardpuppets and the giant kept inching it's way over to me. It was making me angry because I was paranoid and I didn't want to die and end up losing EXP on his account.
So what do I do? I charge angrily at one of the cardpuppets and just start beating it senseless with my staff. The words "Madness? This is MADRIGAL!" followed soon after. Yeah, I wish I'd had a screenshot of that. XD
Skuko: Madness?
Skuko: This... is... MADRIGAL!
ReyaKinjiri: wow... lol.
Skuko: *Eats giant cardpuppet's babies for dinner*
ReyaKinjiri: XD
Skuko: Yeah. And I'm going to eat it's unborn babies for dessert. >.>
It was freakin' amusing. Flyffing just seems to have this ability to make me forget about crappy things in life and just appreciate random one-liners. :P
Like this one. This is one I really want to hear right now, but I can't seem to find it at the moment. Wait. I think I may have found it...
YES!! Indeed I have. This is none other than one segment of one of my heroes, George Carlin. R.I.P.
I don't know why, but that clip popped into my head, and suddenly, I had to see it. ^^
I just realized something. Tomorrow is the 4th of July. I have guitar lessons tomorrow. I need to call Shaun and find out if he's giving lessons tomorrow or if he's taking the holiday off. Even if he is giving lessons, I'm most likely not going to go. It's a holiday, I have plans. Big, giant, massive plans, including sparklers and bottle rockets and firecrackers and fireworks and watching things go BOOM! Well, at least that's what the day will consist of if I have it my way. XD
That also means that today is July 3rd. Which means that it's Nny's 21st birthday! Woot! I doubt he's going to see this, but oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NNY!! You're legal. Hahaha. But you don't drink anyway, so that's GOOD. Keep it that way for as long as you can. :P
Meh, that's about all there is to say this morning. I'm getting more and more tired by the second. Speaking of seconds, this is my second time writing this entry, because my computer decided to be a douche and freeze on me earlier, so I lost my entry.
Oh well. Between then and retyping this, I was able to figure out how old Nny was turning today, so I suppose that's good.
Well, I'm off to bed now. Night all, or for that matter, top of the morning to ya! Stupid Mexicans and their tomales... o.o Long story. Au revoir!
::
2008 2 July :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "The Fall" by ELO
Dude, just wtf?
Dear God. This entire issue is just pissing me off. >.>
Something happened last summer between and old friend and me. To put it simply, it was something that shouldn't have happened but that I had nothing to do with. It's so retarded.
Anyway, it's been a year now and today I tried to straighten things out by apologizing on my half of the issue and trying to tell her what really happened because she totally misunderstood the situation.
So yeah, I wrote her a thought out message about all of this and telling her that I hoped that we could finally settle it. I said that even if nothing came out of the apology that I just wanted her to know that I valued the friendship we had and the memories we shared.
Still, I figured she'd at least maybe have the decency to write back, even if it was just bashing me or something. Nope, she didn't.
Fuck it. I did right on my half. That's all that matters. Like my dear friend said, "If she doesn't want to be your friend, don't let it get to you. You are a good person."
I'm so glad to have this person back in my life. Me and him lost touch for awhile, and now we're good friends again, and that means a lot to me.
So yeah. That's been my eventful day. I was up all last night and slept all day, so nothing much really happened. Woot. Exciting, no?
Oh well. At least I finally got myself this journal. Like I said in the last little blurb, I've wanted one for years. xD
Quote from Grey's Anatomy.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?
The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.
Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.