squallet
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2009 1 September :: 8.39am
:: Mood: dorky
Why is it crunchy?! D:
Dude, seriously? Wtf?
I'm sitting here eating peanut butter, right?
Creamy peanut butter, as the label so kindly points out for me.
Why is it then that I just ended up with something crunchy in my mouth? D:
There is no crunch in creamy peanut butter! >.<
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squallet
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2009 31 August :: 12.02pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Dark Black Forest
The amazing Leaping Larva strikes again!
So this is basically just a test entry, to make sure my coding and everything on my page is working. And yes, I have a playlist hidden somewhere on the page. *ninja*
Anyway, originally my first post was going to be some well thought out entry about all the things I'm going through lately, and all of my current goals and aspirations.
Fuck that.
I've been up all night. I finally got all of this put together and looking awesome. And now, I just really don't feel like talking about anything seriously.
However, do you know what I DO feel like saying? My boyfriend can be fucking cold sometimes. >.> Like seriously. I was talking to him this morning, and he just seemed like he was purposely being very spiteful. I've been pretty good with not getting upset over stupid shit lately, but that just hurt. What gives? o.o
Bah. I'll probably just go to bed, wake up, and everything will be better. Sleep has its magical qualities.
At least my boyfriend is actually mentally stable, unlike my most recent ex. Eww.
For the record, my ex and his new fiance are both perfect for each other. They're both fucking psycho. End of story. :D
Well, as you may have noticed, now I'm just purposely trying to take up space to make sure the page looks decent. Something like that.
And from this day forward, my personality shall always be that of good old Squallet, the awesome chick that some people hated and some people loved, but someone who was always true to herself and those she cared most about.
Anyway, I'm off to get that sleep. Signing off!
~ Squallet
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faerin
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2009 19 June :: 3.59am
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: "Poison Love" by Phoebe Sharp
So this is rock bottom? Not as dark as I imagined it would be.
Wow. I haven't written in the blog in nearly a year. o.o Well, I have a feeling that I'm going to be giving it some more attention again. At this point in life, everything just seems to be going downhill. Oddly enough, at the same exact time, there seems to be a bright glimmer of hope in the distance.
A year from now, I'll be finishing up my associate's degree in interactive media. What does this mean for me? It means that I'll be moving away from the town I've known since I was born, and the people I've known for many years. That's right. I'll be packing up and moving to Illinois to be with my boyfriend. We're going to look for an apartment to rent while he goes back to school for his master's in computer programming and I... well, I'm not honestly sure what I'm going to do. I may take some time off and just work full-time so that I can save up money. But other than that, I'll be going to school for my bachelor's. Once we're both done with school, we'll be looking to buy our own house, and so life will continue on.
Until then, we're stuck in a long distance relationship for another year. :< At least we're almost at the half-way mark of our long distance relationship. I just got back from Illinois a few days ago after being there for a month, and it was fantastic! Sure, with living with him constantly for a month straight, we had our fair share of issues. You never really know someone until you live with them after all. Anyway, we had our disagreements and our arguements. Once in a while, things got pretty ugly. Still, I think it's safe to say that the good times definitely outweighed the bad. I was so used to being able to wake up to see his face every morning, and being able to fall asleep with my arms around him. Being here without him now feels just horrible. It's odd that I came home to everything that was familiar, yet things have never felt more strange to me.
Tonight wasn't so great. :\ I waited all day to speak with my beloved. It was all I really wanted. I even quit everything else I was doing so I could just sit and talk to him. I miss him terribly. Anyway, for some reason, my mood changed all of a sudden. I read way too deep into something and I felt really hurt, which in turn just made me mad. I tried to keep my mind off of it, but it didn't really work out. So eventually things just kind of snapped between us and he went to bed after I, to my regret, hung up on him without saying "I love you too". :< That's one of my favorite things about him. No matter what's going on between us, he always says "I love you".
Almost immediately after, I tried calling him back while crying so that we could work things out, but he didn't answer. Odds are that he turned his volume down and went right to sleep. I really needed him and I felt like he wasn't there for me. Part of me just feels like he doesn't even care sometimes. I know he does, but sometimes he can come across as so heartless and uncaring. *sigh* I feel like I always have to be the one to apologize. Sure, I cause most of the problems because I'm the overemotional one, but sometimes it would be nice to hear him apologize for making me feel upset and hurt. And that's just what I was tonight. Extremely hurt. Not only by the initial incident, but also by the fact that he wasn't there for me.
So then I had an emotional breakdown and cried for about an hour. Then, as I knew I would end up doing, I called and left him some long voicemails trying to tell him how I was feeling, and apologizing for certain things, telling him that I missed him and that I loved him very much. It sucks fighting over long distance. At least when you're fighting while you're living together, once you get over things, you can always go to the other person and apologize, or hug them, or something. Being so far away, there isn't even a guaruntee of being able to get ahold of them.
*Yawn* I just hope everything is alright tomorrow. Well anyway, I'm going to go get some sleep. I have to wake up, get a shower, and then get ready to spend the weekend at John's house. That should be fun. I'll try to keep this blog a little more updated nowadays. :P Night all! <3
- Fae
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xhan
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2009 20 March :: 7.09am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: We Will Become Silohouettes - DCfC
[cobweb dusting goes here]
Man I'm tired.
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xhan
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2009 13 February :: 5.35pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Kings of Leon - Closer
...what now?
The maturity of the password I have for this journal. That's what I get for getting a friend to reset it for me when my internet was down and someone had discovered my password.
Will I tell you what it is? Nope~
Will I change it? Heck no!
this concludes my random entry.
-xhan-
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xhan
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2009 26 January :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: bouncy
....lawl
I've not visited woohu for a looooong time. Nor Bzoink for that matter. Only I just got a friend removal prompt from bzoink from someone that came after I left and so ended up there and then ended up here.
[swats at cobwebs]
I might kinda be thinking about revamping this thing again. After all, I did pay $2 for it. XD
Andy. I think you're about the only person on my friends lists that's still around. o__o; Erm... hi!
-xhan-
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faerin
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2008 8 October :: 9.32pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "Here Without You" by Three Doors Down
Voulez-vous chanser avec moi?
OMFB! Yes. Oh my fucking blog. o.o
Man, I've sort of abandoned this poor blog. It's probably been so lonely without me. Who else will be there to comfort it when it's feeling down, to celebrate its good times, to touch it like no one else knows how to. ;)
Wow, that was mildly amusing. XD Anyway, back on to talk about normal things now, and not molesting my blog. Classes have been going well. As well as expected, anyway. Calculus is, well, calculus. It gets hard, there's a ton of work, that sort of thing. I seem to be doing pretty well though. English is absolutely amazing! Like, I honestly adore the class. It's interesting and easy to keep focus in. Great professor! :3 German's been pretty good, up until last week when my calculus work began interfering with my German studies. I'm still doing really well though. And Into to Viscom is pretty good as well. Hell, today our class was an hour and a half shorter than it should have been. We've yet to ever stay the whole time. We normally get out about an hour or so early. Woot.
Mmm. M&Ms. I don't freakin' understand engineers and their wordage! What the hell is a micro controller anyway? I've had this explained to me, but I'm still retarded. I guess that's why I'm the designer half of this team. o.o You kids and your damn nerdspeak! XD Pick up a book once in a while, read some English. Lmao! I'm just messin'.
Man, I'm freakin' bored right now. I haven't written in this for about a month, but I have nothing interesting to put in here. OH! 23 days until Halloween!!! I can't wait. I'm having a party, and some of my favorite people ever are coming into town just for that! Jimmy and Jenny are going to be here, which is awesome because I miss them both like no others! :3 Jimmy hails from Illinois while Jenny currently resides in Texas. Jim's got about a seven hour drive here and Jenny's getting her plane ticket soon hopefully. I can't freakin' wait!!! I say freakin' a lot. o.o
But yeah, that's going to be the highlight of my month. I kind of really want to watch Titanic now. That or Moulin Rouge. One of the two. In fact, I think I will. :D
- Fae
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justadreamer
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2008 19 September :: 1.24am
:: Mood: sick
Currently sick. Still working for at&t.
Hurricane Ike was rather bothersome; power was out for a few days. Got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Not cool. I think the bites are starting to fade now.
Being sick makes me think too much. Also, it makes me inclined to be far too impulsive. After all, life is too short when you're looking at it from the viewpoint of someone not feeling well. It makes me want to just save up as much money possible and find a way to start that long-term era of being with that boy.
It makes me feel like there's absolutely no reason to be so cautious with life -- like I shouldn't bother with doing things "the right way" (by others' standards) or anything like that. Like I should be doing what I want, what I feel is right.
Now... that's a very dangerous mindset. I'm sure it'll fade a wee bit once I'm healthy again, but it's always there, honestly. When not sick, it's easier to think more.. clearly, I guess you'd say. Rationally. Responsibly. Like I should be thinking. :P
Anyhow. Just a short public update.
Off to possibly snack then rest/sleep.
-Ash
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faerin
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2008 11 September :: 3.53pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: "Fall To Pieces" by Velvet Revolver
Random tears?
It's odd. I don't think about this situation much, but the simplest little thing brings tears to my eyes. Complicated much?
I have German not too long from now and I'm just trying to write a journal entry for my Honors College Composition class on material wealth versus sentimental value.
I'm glad to hear my friends all seem to be doing well these first few weeks of their new college lives.
I think an old friend of mine may actually be becoming inspiration for a character and perhaps just a whole new original story altogether. She may not know it, but I truly admire her and all she does. She's going to go so far in this world, and I wish only the best for her. I will admit though that I miss having her in my life. I was just thinking about the times we spent together and it brought some tears to my eyes.
I'm not as far as I should be in life, and I feel really lame for it. Sure, I'm in school, but I still don't feel as independent as I'd like to be. I can't wait for the weekend. o.o
- Fae
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faerin
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2008 30 August :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence
Holy crap o.o
Ten days without blogging? What the hell is wrong with me? o.o Normally I'm used to totally neglecting things online because I get too caught up in the real world, but this is just weird, because normally this place is my sanctuary, the place I run to when I need to just rant my black little heart out. Yeah, I just totally killed a Lestat line, sue me.
Anyway, erm, nothing interesting has really happened in the past ten days. I started my college classes, which mostly explains my abscence. They're alright for the most part. I already have a calculus quiz next Wednesday that I'm totally nervous about, but I'm sure I'll live. I don't think college has really sunk in yet, except for the expensiveness of books and new problems that keep arising that I need to handle. Tomorrow is officially my day of rest. I think I'll go home tonight, work on my homework for the week and study for calculus. Then I can just enjoy the next two days peacefully.
I love that I usually have a morning class, am home by noon or so at the latest, get to relax all day, do some homework to get ahead on things, then go to an evening class, come home, then usually pass out within a few hours. 2/5 days I don't even have an evening class. I also love that there isn't one class that I have two days in a row, so I get a day break inbetween from each class.
But DAMN, books are expensive. Luckily I'm going to end up using a lot of these books again next semester. *Phew* The only thing I dislike about college so far is that because your classes are only for a semester, you have to get in the work in a shorter period of time, which is why after only 3 calculus classes, we're already getting quizzed. I ADORE my Honors College Composition I class so far though. The teacher seems ultramega cool and he's really interesting and easy to pay attention to. I don't find my thoughts drifting much in this class. I believe I also have a German quiz this week coming up. That one's alright though because I'm much more comfortable with learning language then an immense amount of numbers. o.o
Bah, sorry. I'm babbling. ^^;; Anyway, nothing is really new other than that. Problems in the household seem to be dying down a bit, as far as between me and my parents anyway. I think I'm acting a little more edgy around them lately because I'm tense, but because I'm at school on weekdays, we get our break from each other. Woot. I think I'm going to go home now. I'm sitting at Matt's house. He's sleeping. Poor him, hasn't slept all day until a few hours ago. I feel bad waking him up. :<
I kind of wanted to hang out with my sister tonight, do the girl's night in thing, but I think she had plans for the weekend because she hasn't gotten back to me. Oh well, it's a little late now. So yeah, I'm gonna go, hopefully find food when I get home, do some work, and get some rest.
I leave you with these few shots from Projekt Revolution 2008! Enjoy!
ASHES dIVIDE [Founded by Billy Howerdell of A Perfect Circle. Amazing!]
Chris Cornell
Linkin Park's backdrop with silhouettes
Chester Bennington of Linkin Park [My fave shot of the bunch]
- Fae
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