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2004 27 January :: 7.13 pm
::It's Amazing How Wonderful You Aren't::
My last update was pointless. Sincere, but pointless.
People probably read this, wonder what's going through my head at the moment, and they say to themselves "Why does she hate life? Why does she hate herself at this time of her life?" I'll give you a few simple solutions to the problem. I don't hate life. I like it. But I'd love it if my life were with him. I hate myself because I can't get things straight, I'm useless, a hopeless girl. I don't know what I want in life, and I am pointless.
::You struggle cause the chains are wrapped tight. Struggling only makes them tighter. You can't seem to escape. Are the chains there, tying you down like the many of peoples arms? Your words fade from your throat. And you can't seem to get away from the chaos. Seems to you, you have no way of running. Everywhere you go, the problem seems to follow. Don't look into his eyes anymore when he asks you whats wrong. They're green like that of the one you love. He knows theres something wrong with you. But you lied and told him you were only thinking. What were you thinking of? What, when you looked in his eyes, did you see? What did you feel?::
::Find Yourself:: |
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2004 26 January :: 5.14 pm
:: Music: Leaving Hope-NIN
::I Am Not Finished::
You are still so confused. Are you stupid? Ignorant? Selfish human being you are. God, why does your mind make you hate all around you. You find jealousy within every part of your soul. Somethings different, but you're to fucking scared to say what it is, aren't you?
You wonder why he looks at you with those eyes. You wonder why he's so much like the one you love. He doesn't say a word, and you hate that. You LOVE the attention, but he doesn't say a word. You hate seein them together, don't you get it, He will NEVER like you. You're a stupid freshman, and you have some one else. You LOVE some one else. Get over it....God. You love Paden, but what is this that makes it eat you alive? Is it the pain of knowing that you may never get the chance you want with him?
You want so badly to kiss him. To touch him. And when you touched that stupid man, it was the vision that gave you away. It was the look that made him know that you're some one you're not. He found you out. He knows you're not happy. He knows what he means to you. But he doesn't care.
You don't care, but of one thing. And that thing means the world to you. Would you ever hurt this being? Never. He knows that. And he also knows you love him. You should know he loves you too.
I love you Paden.
::Find Yourself:: |
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2004 26 January :: 5.01 pm
:: Mood: Artistic
::A Time Of Unknowning Beauty::
A lushess rose sat on the lonely table. The petals were still brilliant with color, the stem green with beauty. Each thorn, still acute with accuracy. It was left alone many years ago.
A not sat next to the rose, beautiful writing scripted upon the aging paper. The note had read of a womans character. It said,
"To My Sweet: Take this rose, and with its soft petals remember my skin. Take this rose, and with its red color, remember my lips. Take this rose, and with its elegant pose, remember my beauty. Take this rose, and with its long stem, remember our long life together. Take this rose, and with it's greatness, remember the greatness of our love.
I love you always,
A Girl."
Next to the rose, and note, there lie a puddle of blood, a puddle of love. The rose was once white, and A Girl was once alive. There next to the red rose, the girls skin was white, drained of all full color, and she was holding her lovers hand.
This is the end of my letter.
Truly,
A Girl.
::Find Yourself:: |
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