::I can feel the beat, feel the beat, feel the beat...::
Well, I'm in a good mood today! Yay go me. I have been constantly thinking about Paden, Brandon, and Going down there to see the guys! (to Virginia just in case y'all don't know that) And well yea...It's driving me crazy cuz I want to see them SOO bad. I might be taking Liana with me, so that would totally kick major ass! Anywhos, I'm goin to be calling Paden today...well tonight at about 9. I think, if not I'll call him tomorrow. Tee hee. I don't know what to write. I had an essay to turn into today, to get an A it only had to be 450-500 words. I made mine ah...about 700 or so. It was perty neat. Hahaha, I met this guy James today, but I still called him Andy ahha. See this is the story: FOR the LONGEST time I thought he was sort of cute. So I decided I wanted his name, just so I knew it and it didn't drive me crazy. Soooo, I go up to my friend Mich(he knows him) and I was like "what the hell is his name!" and he's like "Who are you talkin about?!" SO I go around asking eeryone for his name, and I get like 5 diff names. I got like...chaz, charles, James and andy stuff like that. And so FINALLY after like 3 months of figuring it out, I go up to him, and I was like, "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!" and he slowly says..."Jaaammes" haha. I was like o my god thank you! hahaha I shook his hand and said my name was Jordan, and he just looked at me and didn't stop staring and smiled haha. It was funny, so then he gets on his bus I said goodbye to mich, then I say, Goodbye "andy" hahaha cuz I stuck with that cuz I had made fun of him. And he just laughed and got on his bus. Hahaha it was great, but I don't think he got I was poking fun at him. Annnnyways...yea he's cute, but yea I'm with Paden, and I wuv paden! wee! Anyways, I'm gonna go and have a party! ya right...**does the loser dance** wee alright, bye bye!
Jordan

New's update: I won't be going to Virginia to see Paden, or Chris graduate. Sorry you guys, parents won't let me...I'm bummed. ::sigh:: o well...I doubted it anyways.

::it's invincable, but so touchable, I can feel it on my body, so emotional.::
I miss Sam...we stopped talking, stopped being friends. He like, completely hates me, and why am I having de ja vu? Damn, I really miss him. He said it "hurt" Him to much to talk to me, he was..."in" Love with me, but I don't know. I cared for him SO much, and it just...ended out badly. But there's a reason for everything, there's a reason for why we met, and why we stopped talking. I think I know the reason as to why we met. I needed a friend, and that's the ONLY reason I talked to him for so long, when I finally got his acceptance, I didn't mind anything else. When I no longer needed a friend, we just stopped talking. The same for Paden, but I needed some one to love me when it came to Paden, and he loves me now. I don't know how to explain it really, that's the best I could do. I'll always be searching for a love, a lust, a friend or a passion. All the months I had spent with Peter, something was still missing, we had the love, the fun, the laughs, the kisses and the hugs, but I didn't have a friend in sight. I thought he was my best friend, and yea, at the time he was...I THOUGHT I could talk to him about ANYTHING, but it so happened I couldn't, I just couldn't get it out, he'd always get this wall to build around him, protect him, and he'd shut me up, shut me out, and he never knew how to let me in. It was as if he had a key, hid it somewhere, and I could NEVER find it in order to open up his door, and as soon as I got hot on the spot, he made a new type of key and key hole opening for himself, and all hope was gone. I thought he was there for me, the way I thought Sammy was, or the way I thought a few others were. And once again, this is where my trust problems come in. I trust ONE person only, Paden. I can say ANYTHING I want, without getting embarrassed, yelled out, laughed at, or made to feel stupid. There was a reason for everything that happened. I had always thought, that the main reason I moved, was becuz something bad was gonna happen no matter if I stayed there or not, and something told some one that I couldn't stay there for it to happen. The reason for meeting Matt, was to meet hunter, and Peter. To have friends. I loved Peter for a reason, and that was to fill the empty space that was crying out for some one to love me back. So it happened. I was thinking about...what it would be like if I had done things differently. If I went out with Hunter instead of Peter, if I listened to Matt and went out with no one, if I didn't move, or if I didn't change my classes around to choir and PE. Simple things such as those played a big part in my life. I thought what it would be like if I didn't lie, if I didn't change my hair cut, or if I said no instead of yes. Just to do things differently would have been nice in most cases, though I don't think they would have made me as strong as I am today. Being 14, and going through ALL the shit I've gone through in the past 2 years...has been one hell of a rollercoaster. I'm thankful to have met the people I have met over the years. Meeting Peter, Hunter, Matt, the true friends I had in my life...but realized they weren't ever there for me in the first place after the way they had forgotten about me so quickly...Yet, I'm still thankful I STILL have them in my lifes. Thankful for Meetting Brandon, and him letting me meet Paden. Thankful for meeting Sammy...I'm thankful for every great, and yet bad thing in my life. I'm pleased with the move, yet things haven't gone my way once since I've been out here, I'm just happy I don't have to deal with any drama back in Prescott. To any of you who shall read this, and know my name, please remember, I'm thankful, I'm better, and yes, I have changed. I've changed for the better. This is getting long. So goodbye, and goodnight every body.
Love always,
Jordan

::Hold on, it gets better as you go.::
Eh...good charlotte I know, that's the ONLY song I can actually tolerate. Anyways, hmm...School was ok I guess. I'm tryin to focus more, listen more, and pay attention more. I don't want my grades to slip this time...I want to get A's all the time, or at least B's. Yea. Brandon might be coming down soon. Yea, he might come see me, though I sort of wish it was Paden. ::sigh:: O well. I'm in a state of depression again. Wow, I didn't talk much at all today ahha. People annoy me sometimes. O well. Anyways, sorry I haven't been updating much, I really haven't gotten into much lately, so yea it's sort of hard to talk about something. Uh...I have testing ALL of next week, no school next weeks friday. So it's cool. Uh, yea. I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna put my site link up here, so you guys can take a look at my site whenever the hell ya want. Update soon. Bye bye.
Jordan
www.freewebs.com/xfallen_angelx"