:: 2009 25 November :: 2.02 pm

I'm getting a whole new look here on Saterday. Hopefully I forgot to check the scheduale. I hope someone could cover for me at least for a little bit just so I can get my hair done.

I have no idea how long this will take.

I'm going platnium blonde with purple streaks throughout.
Its different.
And needed.

I think we all need change.

Everyone, at this moment.

I have been wishy washy, doing things I dont want to do (like everyone else) working, seeing friends when I can, taking care of Cleo, and trying to spend time with Thaddeus, even though its a rarity anymore.
I've watched my friends go through the scariest, greatist, most cherished, most feared time of their lives, and I along with them every step. For everything I dreampt about and everything I thought I wanted is now just a confusing blob. And I've noticed this year has almost been like a foreward to change. Where we're all lost, confused, vexed, and determined, and not at the same time. Maybe what we all need is to make that jump. That one big stride instead of baby steps. Instead of sitting here in Holland hating where I live, my situation, I should just get up and actually do something rather than going through the motions waiting and hoping something will happen. Maybe I should move, find a job, start completely over with a whole new identity. (not in that order)

I'm pretty sure the coming year can go one of two ways. First is that this whole year of confusion was not in vain and things will begin to make sense and begin to work in a clearer order. Or two this year was but a prelude to the struggles of next year and we'll be tested like never before. But be better for it in the end.

I personally hope it'll be the first one. I need a break. :D

Next year will be a whole new experience for me, I'll be married, moving, trying new things, and meeting new people. Maybe I'll actually find what I love and find a way to translate that into a career.

Maybe Hillary will find peace and realize she's been working hard and its actually not in vain. Hopefully she'll see that her work ethic, her mind, and even her indesisiveness is actually a blessing that's going to send her to where she really belongs. Trying new things to figure out where she's supposed to be. I hope she gets a moment every now and then to stop and look into the mirror and see the woman she's become over the passed two years. And realize that she's further along than most people in their 30's. Working two jobs at times three, knowing what matters to her and realizing when time gets crazy she takes things in stride and moves on. There's so much more but I dont want to ramble.

I have high hopes for this year. But moreso for myself and the ones I love. I dont want us to wait for good things to come anymore. I want us to move towards what we want and not settle.

...so that's how I feel at the moment. . . . How are you guys.

1 razor | let's cut the wings away