silentcriez
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2005 14 April :: 6.25am
my birthdays in 8 days!!! ahhhhh
so whats the plan for vacation? i wanna go down to the cape and partayyyyyyyyy
ahh i cant write right now
but i need what i wanted all along..
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 13 April :: 9.46pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: american idol
lately..
lately i have been having a hard time.. i dont really want to talk about it.. but there seems to be noone else to tell.. i fell like the 2 people i thought i could tell anything to are the ones that are drifting away the quickest... :/
i dont really want to talk..
comment
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silentcriez
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2005 13 April :: 12.05am
i need your sex!
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 10 April :: 9.03pm
:: Music: hollerback girl x gwen stefani
wicked good weekend
well i had a really good weekend.. me trace, and jan were supposed ot sleep at ashleys last night, but she got in trouble so we slept over janets.. we decided to be the cool kids that we are and went to CHUCKIE CHEESE! woot woot.. lol erik met us there and we all played in the tubes until we got yelled at! lol it was hilarious.. then we just ate pizza and went back to janets.. we took soooo many random pictures.. nd we watched my FAVORITE lifetime movie! (odd girl out)
ya so anyways it was really really fun.. then today we went to papa ginos for lunch.. and then east school to play at the playground, because again. we're just that fucking cool.. ! lol
ya so anyways i have picutes at http://worldisround.com/home/xonixieox/index.html
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Boy:
I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in sight
And I never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night
And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a
Knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C’mon! hold on tight!
C’mon! hold on tight!
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Girl:
Ain’t no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed
Ain’t no doubt about it
Baby got to go and shout it
Ain’t no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Boy:
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed
Baby doncha hear my heart
You got it drowning out the radio
I’ve been waitin so long
For you to come along and have some fun
And I gotta let ya know
No you’re never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
It’ll feel all right
Well I wanna make your motor run
And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a
Knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C’mon! hold on tight!
C’mon! hold on tight!
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Oh it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
Paradise by the dashboard light
You got to do what you can
And let mother nature do the rest
Ain’t no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely --
We’re gonna go all the way tonight
We’re gonna go all the way tonight’s the night
We’re gonna go all the way tonight
We’re gonna go all the way tonight’s the night
We’re gonna go all the way tonight
We’re gonna go all the way tonight’s the night
We’re gonna go all the way tonight
We’re gonna go all the way tonight’s the night
Radio broadcast:
Ok here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going
Here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there’s the wind-up,
And there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. this boy can really
Fly! he’s rounding first and really turning it on now, he’s not letting up at
All, he’s gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here
Comes the throw, and what a throw! he’s gonna slide in head first, here he
Comes, he’s out! no, wait, safe - safe at second base, this kid really makes
Things happen out there. batter steps up to the plate here’s the pitch - he’s
Going, and what a jump he’s got, he’s trying for third, here’s the throw, its
In the dirt - safe at third! holy cow, stolen base! he’s taking a pretty big
Lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. the pitcher glances
Over, winds up, and it bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide
Squeeze is on! here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close, here’s the
Throw, here’s th
E play at the plate, holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it!
Ii. let me sleep on it
Girl:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further --!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me !!!?
Will you love me forever !!!?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I’ll give you an answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I’ll give you an answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I’ll give you an answer in the morning
Girl:
I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
What’s it gonna be boy?
Come on
I can wait all night
What’s it gonna be boy yes or no?
What’s it gonna be boy yes or no?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I’ll give you an answer in the morning
L
Girl:
I gotta know right now!!!
Do you love me?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it!!
Girl:
Will you love me forever?
Boy:
Baby baby let me sleep on it
Girl:
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Girl:
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it I’ll give you an answer in the morning!! morning!!!!
I’ll tell you in the morning!!!!!
Girl:
Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?
Girl:
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Girl:
Will you love me forever?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Girl:
Will you love me forever?
Iii. praying for the end of time
Boy:
I couldn’t take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my God and on my mother’s
Grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I’m praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don’t think that I can really survive
I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I’m praying for the end of time
It’s all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time
With you!!!
Boy:
It was long ago and it was far away
And it was so much better than it is today
Girl:
It never felt so good
It never felt so right
And we were glowing like
A metal on the edge of a knife
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 10 April :: 10.27am
i need you right now.. i need you somehow..
i think i might be crazy.. i just never stop thinking ever... and i bet you all know what about.. but it just consumes me and i can put myself in the worst of moods..
lizzy and i are in a fight i guess.. i havent talked to her all weekend...
things are getting fucked up..
gr..
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 9 April :: 8.47am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: colt 45 x afroman
bad night last night
well lets see.. i went to the mall alst night with traci.. it was fun.. so basically my night was good until i got home at fucking 10:30 to find my Drunk ass family all sitting downstairs watching a movie. so i sit down with melissa and watch it too.. but then mellie starts to complain because shes tired, and im the one who gets yelled at for everything seriusly my family has some issues.. then my aunt like nik come here i want to talk to you.. now let me rmind you that shes drunk right.. and so im like no.. just watch the fucking movie.. then shes like are you on drugs.. are you high.. did you somoke pot.. are you on crack.. what the fuck is wrong with you.. so then im just getting pisses so im flip... shes the fucking one who is a CrAcK wHoRe! like no joke.. she has no right to say im on drugs.. wen by the way i was completely straight.. when shes a fucking grrrrrr.. im getting pissed just typing this.. ok so anyways after i flipped out my dad and his friend start yelling at me even more so i just got up and screamed really loud " this family is a fucking wate of my fucking time" .. you all know me.. i need the fucking last word.. like always.. lol.. then i slammed my door and called traci and went to bed.. ya it was a great night..
comment if you care
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silentcriez
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2005 7 April :: 10.20am
im so sick of being lonely..
a scent attatched
to the whispering wind
hits me like brick
i feel it land on the tip of my nose
and trail into my memory
a quick glimpse of what used to be
now circulates in my veins
its a part of me
now as it trickles into my lungs
it is encapsulated by tar
by hate, by envy, and by grudge
the connections are now made fully
and i see what keeps these things memories
and not the present
its the pain of how it was
its the thought of giving up
my stubborn thoughts spew out this scent
rid myself of what resounded in my mind
although i may push it out of my thoughts
i cant deny the scent
attatched to the whispering wind..
---
i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
left dusty on the shelf
abandoned beauty
torn to peices all alone
she lives in a pristine picture
a painting hanging on a wall
of a broken home
shes crying another glass
half empty again
pouring herself
another shot of gin
she wont stop hurting
until she smells his scent
you wont catch her smiling
until she aint by herself
(chorus)
all alone in a world
that teaches us not to feel
we alienate whose different
and blame the one whose real
we idolize the incomplete
we love the one thats fake
yet we walk right by the ones like you
the ones who suffer through their days..
she wants to kill
the one who put her here
she screams her unmuttable screams
for everyone to hear
she points the bloody gun
towards her picture perfect face
plunging silently
to her imperfect fate
a soul wont go to heaven today
it wont be free from pain
shell wait around, watching those she loves
be showered with salty rain
forever with the burden
of the guilt on her shoulders
to take a life, couldnt deal with strife
couldnt move lifes giant bolders
(chorus)
her acid tears trickle down my cheek
eroding the beauty that people see
they want to be what they cant have
they want to be something just like me
but irony strikes again
as im bleeding for you now
what people want to be in me
slowly starts to drown
envied lover dying in your hands
couldnt be what you wanted
couldnt be the perfect ten
couldnt smile like the sunrise
couldnt be your heaven sent
withered leaves in the month of may
pain that never goes away
it eats away your pale white skin
and burries itself deep within
(chorus)
almost made it,
i almost climed up in your heart
but almost doesnt mean a thing
almost doesnt even start
i see an silent movie
a vision of your face
along your guided cheekbones
with my fingers i trace
i want so bad to be with you
i want so bad not to cry
but i wont ever get better
unless i rewind goodbye
i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
you left dusty on the shelf
When I came along
You see it's good for nothing, good for nothing
A close look at something
so close
you never stop needing
you never stop needing..
It's too much of not enough
When all we need is just a taste
I strapped myself in for a safe second ride
Before it started I tried to be anything I saw fit
And it all seemed to fit but you came undone
When I came along
Blind white lies and shallow truth
Broken strings and stolen youth
I've seen too much of not enough but
You came much closer than they had before
You never stop needing
And it's good for nothing
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 4 April :: 12.23pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: annoying ppl talking in study hall
"Why not? Why would you wanna die?
Okay, you have feelings inside your head, okay
I understand that
Feelings lead to depression
When you have depression, you have a lonely void inside of your heart
Okay? And your heart means everything to the world
Okay?"
evrything falls down just as i suspected.. i dont know what to do i dont know what to say i dont know whose "side" to be on obviously lizzys my best friend and shes dumb for doing this i told her that from the beginning, and obviously gonchas my friend and shes taking this a little too far too.. like it has come to yelling in the lunchroom.. i hated the fact that my friend was getting yelled at but what scared me was that i agreed with what goncha was saying.. she said "you were supposed to be my friend" and its right.. lizzy was supposed to be gonchas friend, she was supposed to care about her.. she was supposed to stay away from her boyfriend, i mean i know theres no written law, or any commitment between them. ive always just figured that ex boyfriends were always off limits.. cuz there will always be emotions attatched you know?
i cant stop thinking about everything and i cant stop thinking about him.. i hate it.. i hate how im stupid.. i hate how i got myself into this, and i hate how i dont want to lose it.. i want sex, i want kisses, i want a friend.. but i just dont want it to be over.. or different.. or non existant.. cuz i dont know what i would do if i completely lost him.. im so, changed?
i think i should start telling people how i feel.. i really havent.. hum but i wonder, if i did would i lose my gift of writing? would i not be able to write so deeply if i didnt keep everything so deeply hiden inside of me, only to be exspresed through words never spoken? i confuse myself all the time and i just dont think i can handle all of this.. not now.. ick.. im so disgustsed by myself and by the actions of others..
i dont know where im at anymore..
my life is like a broken bone
growing back from being unsewn
its lose and jaded and complicated
but i still need you around
i cant think anymore
i cant breath anymore
im hanging on the verge of insanity
am i really alive?
am i living in a dream
i guess ill never know
this world is so crazy
i feel i should just let go
i dont know what i think
i dont know what i know
you know that i love you
you know that i care
but its all nothing to you
im always just there
its useless to want
its painful to need
it kills me to look at you
off your kiss i feed
but you wont touch mine anymore
you wont love me like i do
because im useless
and naive
you dont love me
you dont love me
im alone
and you dont love me..
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 3 April :: 3.42pm
im finding it harder and harder to get through my days without feeling depressed.. and im also finding it harder and harder to take critisism.. im sick of ppl -- my best friend -- putting me down and im sick of fighting constantly.. i mean sometimes its fine but i just cant take it anymore right now id rather be sitting home by myself sleeping, singing, or talking online than be sitting here right now..
im going crazy and i dont know how much more of this town i can take.. florida is luring me all too easily... and i dont like it..
sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real
dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile
whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?
living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man
but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain
sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall
sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground
theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain
oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 3 April :: 9.52am
:: Mood: Hungover
FuN aSs NiGhT! !
well.. im not gunna lie.. i had an AmAzInG night last night.. it was long needed! ..
well janets mmmy wasnt home so we stayed at her house with Ryand and his girlfriend Gabby.. Then Nikki and steve and some other people were there and they taught us how to play kings! let me tell you.. its a fun fucking drinking game! seriously.. like its crazy! ya.. so anyways ryan got me, traci, janet, and ashley all smirnoff, so we drank.. me asd ashley got drunk.. janets got really drunk.. and traci was like crazy out of this world shit faced.. it was hilarious.. she just kept drinking and drinking.. then nick, tyler, moustafa, and Cj came over, and tyler and moustafa didnt drink.. but nick was fucking trashed to the point he couldnt stand up.. it was fucking hillarious! hahah i was laughing the whole night.. by then it was only like 10:30.. so at 11, traci's mom called and was like im here come outside.. we were all flipping out becasue she was sooooooooo drunk.. but she pulled it together becasue she called us and told us she got away with it.. then after everyone left, me and jan and ash just went into janets room and talked about EVERYTHING, but janet fell aslep and so me and ashley talked for a while
well i have a headache lol
comment
2 .from you. |
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xonixieox
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2005 1 April :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: that song by josh gracin?
woo huuu im back on!
the computer in my room finally works yippieee i got internet bitches im so fucking excited! let me tell you!!!
ok comment please
1 .from you. |
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silentcriez
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2005 31 March :: 6.08am
:: Music: owner of a lonely heart - yes
Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser
See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and thats the only way
Shake - shake yourself
Youre every move you make
So the story goes
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Say - you dont want to chance it
Youve been hurt so before
Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pitys sake
Theres no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
Youve got to want to succeed
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
After my own decision
They confused me so - owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end youve got to go
Look before you leap - owner of a lonely heart
And dont you hesitate at all - no no
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)
Owner of a lonely heart
Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart - owner of a lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Dont deceive your free will at all - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Just receive it
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 29 March :: 10.56pm
BlckTangldHrt35x: how come those peeps are so decieving
CocoPuff0210: peeps?
BlckTangldHrt35x: they look at you all happy sitting in their little package just screaming to be eaten..
CocoPuff0210: huh?
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you eat one
BlckTangldHrt35x: and you feel sick
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you look over and theyre calling your name
CocoPuff0210: haha ew i dont liek peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: so you eat another
BlckTangldHrt35x: and the cycle begins again
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn the peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn them all
CocoPuff0210: hahaha
CocoPuff0210: HAHHAHA
BlckTangldHrt35x: and theyre peep conspiracy
CocoPuff0210: ur crazy!
BlckTangldHrt35x: its like a little mafia of purple bunny peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: out to destroy human kind
damn the peeps and their master minded plans..
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 28 March :: 10.07pm
i feel this sudden sickness come over me like im suddenly broken.. suddenly smacked into reality. i just cant handle this im not built for this kind of pain and yet its constantly shuttled at me. i would rather not know the truth and just be happy the way i was.. i dont want things to end i dont want it to be over if it is.. once again ill be depressed and once again i will not have any purpose.. i dont have a purpose im here for no reason.. and nobody will have me.. nobody wants me.. nobody needs me and thats what kills the most..
please just take me..
I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.
[Chorus:]
Come on tell me.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go way.
You make this all go way.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
Come on tell me
[Chorus]
In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.
[Chorus]
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweat and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.
.to me.
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Cocopuff
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2005 28 March :: 9.37pm
i dont let him effect me nemore.. im trying to move on from something that was never there in the first place.. im tired of being sad.. and im tired of pretending i ment somethin to him... and its not fair becasue he meant everythign to me... he still does.. but i have to let go of the falseness and move on with my life no matter how hard its going to b....:'(
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