silentcriez
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2005 12 January :: 11.17pm
alright.. so i guess heres the scope on me..
ive had an interesting week filled with various highs and lows.. each day starts one way and ends another like the other day i was having THE shittiest day ever then i was greeted with a happy occurance at the end of the day and some days ill wake up with spunk and then feel like shit throughout the day..
roar..
i brought kaitlin up to the airport today.. shes really gone... shes in europe in switzerland im really gonna miss her.. i love her so much she was the last good thing i had left in my family...
dammit im sore and tired and i need to shower...
ill update later
.to me.
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Cocopuff
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2005 12 January :: 8.42pm
No sleep last night,
too busy thinkin of you.
I was tryin to figure out how I could fix things,
but I can't.
You wouldn't want me to anyway,
so I guess I'll just have to stop loving you somehow.
And only love the memory of me actually thinking you cared.
It hurt bad.
I shouldn't waste my tears, I know.
It's kind of too late to say that.
I've already unleashed thousands,
cuz every thought I ever had
was about you.
And every dream I ever wished
came true -
when you entered my life.
And now you're slowly disappearing,
so I didn't sleep last night....
yea thats how i feel right about now.. seems like once again everything is changing.. and i dont know why, mayb its for the better this time...but w/e idk... i dont know nethign nemore... and im gettign to the point where i really dont care about nethign nemore....
2 .from you. |
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 11 January :: 6.16pm
i wish i could press rewind..
and relive each second with you again and again...
very good end to a bad day to say the least ;-)
Who’d like to see me down on my fucking knees
Everybody’s dying just to get the disease
I LOVE ELLIOT SMITH! why did he have to be such a troubled guy?
if i could press rewind
if i could press rewind today
id relive each moment i spent
holding your hands.
and know now to appreciate you while i can.
if i could press rewind today
id catch your innocence in a picture
and watch it on my walls.
while the winter snow flakes slowly start to fall.
if i could press rewind today
id melt you to my skin
and smell the scent known only to you.
as the lyrics bounce off me, stella blue..
if i could press rewind today
id savor every kiss you gave
in the shadows, on your bed
i wouldnt have to move ahead.
if i could press rewind today
id end up back in ecstacy.
a pure plutonic benifit
of keeping love where it needs to be hid.
if i could press rewind today
id worry much less for the future me
id be ruled by the impulse in my veins
maybe i wouldnt feel so insane
if i could press rewind today
there'd be no turning back.
id breath you in and scream your name
i swear id never be the same.
if i could press rewind today
and relive all my regrets
there wouldnt be anything id ever take back
but remind myself not to get too attatched
if i could press rewind today
and watch it all happen again.
i stare forever in your eyes
those deep brown pools of paradise.
if i could press rewind today
i think id kiss you just once more.
id feel your body and taste your touch
id try and never miss you much
if i could press rewind today
id look you in the eyes.
id tell you that you couldnt leave
and how much that you meant to me..
if i could press rewind and stay
in the dream i call today
id peirce your skin and sew me in
forever waiting for the day to begin
.to me.
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silentcriez
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::
2005 10 January :: 12.29am
:: Music: stella blue x gratefuldead
All the years combine, they melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.
In the end there’s just a song comes cryin’ up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.
Stella blue. stella blue.
When all the cards are down, there’s nothing left to see,
There’s just the pavement left and broken dreams.
In the end there’s still that song comes cryin’ like the wind.
Down every lonely street that’s ever been
Stella blue. stella blue.
I’ve stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel, can’t win for trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine
It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free,
There’s nothing you can hold, for very long.
And when you hear that song come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.
Stella blue. stella blue.
well the past couple days have been ok i guess, i hung out with john lizzy and chris for a while today and tomorrow i have a bunch of plans but i think im hanging out with dana for his birthday tomorrow :-) yayy
the snow day was fun except for getting soaking wet and freezing!!!
ah well im never gonna get up in the morning if i dont go to bed soon so off i go
- manda
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 9 January :: 12.28pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: holy water x big and rich
my favorite song!
i have had this song on repeat for like 2 days
BIG AND RICH x HOLY WATER
Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine
wherever she would go
But looking at her
now you'd never tell
Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
such a sad song but so good
(its about a girl who was raped)
download it if you didnt already
-Nik
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 6 January :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: holy water x big and rich
SNOW DAY!!
ya so today during the SNOW DAY i sat at home and watched spice world and laws of attraction.. then i went to Gini's.. then we went to amanda's..
then Me Gin Mada Kevin Luke Jonathan and Danny all went to ben hem and played on the slides for like an hour! i got soaked! it was sooooooooooooooo much fun.. i tackeled danny and so did Gini.. lol sorry danny.. ya so i fell on my ass atleat a million times..
then i came home and tried to do my spanish homework.. but it didnt happen so now im talking to kimmi and writing in this!
comment!
-Nik
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 6 January :: 10.40am
its a snow day!!!!!!!!!
i hate the cold but im very glad we didnt have school i was about to wing the biggest test of this year! but now i get til monday! haha
i think im going sledding today but im not sure yet
i am in love with these sourcream and onion cheeze its yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
well imma go byebye
new songggggggggggggggggggg
In The End
take me down to the place we used to go
where theres no worries where nobody would know
wed light the fire, and drink some beer
smoke a little reefer, but still nobody could hear
walking through the town, i feel their eyes on me
staring down a reject, a fucked up reality
thinking they know who we are, from a passing glance
they think im giving up now, they should know there aint a chance
(chorus)
im so sorry
im so sorry to break your fragile thoughts
im so sorry
im just so sorry this is what you fought for
a different kind of war
a war againt its youth,
this different kind of war
is now a war against you
force fed thoughts pumped into their veins
the eyes of their children now think im insane
im passing their zombies in the halls of my school
they think im crazy, that im breaking all the rules
its not like i care what they say about me
i couldnt care less if they dont like what they see
once the sun no longer shines, none of this will count
nobody will remember when your dead in the ground
(chorus)
i believe youve mistaken me for a person whose weak
a person who crys out each time that they speak
my heart is not heavy for you, i pity your fears
i pray i never see you after the end in 3 years
i know what your saying, i know what im facing
i know that your heart is empty, keeping busy to replace it
take a risk and get where your going
cuz along the way you could fall without knowing
(bridge)
black angels, with broken wings
listen as my beauty sings
this isnt me, this isnt how i am
although youd never give a damn
i'm just a loser, some stoner, fucked up
i may not know you
does it seem like i care
you hold yourself so high..
but noones ever there
(chorus)
Black Angels
black angels with dissapearing acts
make themselves invisible when you turn your back
broken from the inside, bleeding though the cracks
never to be noticed, known never to react
we hide behind our words, we keep them underneath our tongues
the songs we sing inside our minds are never to be sung
never will a word of praise be heard from our golden mouths
we keep each silver plated word hidden deep inside ourselves
(chorus)
black angels, golden hearts
black angels, heavens torn appart
their left alone,
in a world of pity and pain
their left alone
in a city where loss is gain
never to be broken,
never to be spoken
condemed to hide themselves...
might as well
black angels, tell me what do you see
a quiet little girl, one whose just like me
yeah ive been there, each and every day
still i go on, just the same
always second geussed
always second best
what cant you see theres beauty in side of me
im bleeding through this band aid of a solution
your dying too, your lies become polution
(bridge)
the light wont shine though,
i gotta be with you
but i wont bother today
you dont even know my name
(chorus)
black angels, heaven hides in us
black angels, the devil confides in us
were all alone.. were on our own
taking the road less often chose
black angels, bittersweet
black angels, standing on our two feet
you dont see me, i cry myself to sleep
you dont need me, i give you my soul to keep
(chrous)
Make Me Hate You
i hate you when your with her
i hate you when you wanna talk
i hate you when you look at me
and when your bodies lined in chalk
i hate you when you smile at me
with your stupid cupid grin
i hate the way you make my heart
feel as if it could cave in
i hate the way your brown eyes
make me weak in the knees
and even in the saddest times
you keep me begging please
(chorus)
i love you (everything about you)
i love you (wont you make me hate you)
i love you and ill never leave
make me hate you baby please
i hate you when i stay up
wishing you were there
i hate you when you touch me
and trap me in your stare
i hate you when you penetrate
and stay so long within
i hate you when you hold me
and tell me you love this life of sin
i hate the way you make me feel
like im the queen of your world
then turn your back and walk away
to the arms of another girl
(chorus)
i hate the way you call me
with sarcasm in your voice
and while were fighting on the fone
you tell me its my choice
i hate the way you kiss my lips
and leave me always hungered for more
and the way your heat wraps around me
praying theres time for an encore
i hate the way you fall asleep
on our midnight get aways
your head in my lap eyes closed tight
i hate how you make me want to stay
(chorus)
i hate you.. (wont you leave me alone)
i love you.. (i cant breath without you)
i hate you.. (wont you leave me alone)
i love you.. (i cant breath without you)
1 .from you. |
.to me.
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silentcriez
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::
2005 5 January :: 10.24pm
stole this from nikkie who stole this from meg
x all the things that apply..
Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x]smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[ ] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[ ] had a car.
[x] drove
Do you...
[ ] have a boyfriend.
[ ] have a girlfriend.
[x] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[ ] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[ ] think your attractive
[ ] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to jazz
[x] listen to classical and/or opera
[x] listen to showtunes
[x] listen to soul.
[x] listen to techno
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than one best friend.
[x] get good grades
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[x] like the color purple.
[x] like the color pink.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[ ] tall.
[x] medium height.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] don't care.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[x] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic
[x] depressed
yeah..
was really sad today helped kaitlin pack up all her clothes to be shipped to switzerland :( ill miss her alot but i know shell have a great time, and make something great of herself while shes there, many fresh faces, and new places to explore. almost a new beginning in a new country where she can really make it her own, on her own.. building character, depth and growing culturally.
dont really feel right tonight.. or ever
.to me.
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xonixieox
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2005 5 January :: 4.02pm
stole this from meg :)
x all the things that apply..
Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x]smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[x] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[x] had a car.
[x] drove
Do you...
[ ] have a boyfriend.
[ ] have a girlfriend.
[x] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself.
[ ] think your attractive
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to jazz
[ ] listen to classical and/or opera
[ ] listen to showtunes
[ ] listen to soul.
[ ] listen to techno
[ ] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than one best friend.
[] get good grades
[ ] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[x] like the color purple.
[x] like the color pink.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[x] tall.
[ ] medium height.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] don't care.
[x] talking to someone.
[ ] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[ ] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[x] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic
[x] depressed
hahahah i love those thingers.. but i dont understand the point of them lol
comment!
-Nik
3 .from you. |
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 4 January :: 10.30pm
Sarryy5: i don see why you bother, hes pure evil
BlckTangldHrt35x: i really dont bother, i dont im him or call him anymore i wait for him to
BlckTangldHrt35x: and obviously id love to be friends with him hes fun! but i cant help an immense sexual attraction
Sarryy5: lol youre amazing
BlckTangldHrt35x: like being completely serious
BlckTangldHrt35x: all i want to do when hes around is just
BlckTangldHrt35x: kiss him and ya you know the rest
BlckTangldHrt35x: like its not like one of your friends like bumping into you like everytime he even touches me its like dammit all i can think about is fucking him
BlckTangldHrt35x: and that obviously interferes with things
kels7216: hahahaha
BlckTangldHrt35x: thats what it is too
BlckTangldHrt35x: s'why i just cant be friends
BlckTangldHrt35x: he could look me in the eyes and say sock
BlckTangldHrt35x: and all id hear is
BlckTangldHrt35x: fuck me now
2 .from you. |
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 3 January :: 11.18pm
my 3rd update of the day..
i dont know what the hell is wrong with me... im nothing but nice to people.. i would give everything i had to someone just to feel appreciated, and cared about. why dont people realize that i would give up everything i am just for their happiness.. just so i could be the one that they care about.. just once i wanna feel the way everybody else does.. i just wanna feel like someone cares about me.
i cant sleep theres way too much on my mind and everytime i start to think about it, i just start to cry and i feel the tingle of teardrops start to burst from my eyes.. endlessly like summer rain falling on a dry, dead land.. my cheek, empty, pale and cold...
im sorry that im empty.. im sorry that im too full, im sorry that im useless and broken and im sorry that i want so bad to love and be loved in return?
no
not even to love, just to care..
no
not even to care, just to have fun with someone who wants to have fun with me..
to be appreciated..cared about, thought about, saught after.. somebody that somebody remembers...
i just wanna be somebody to anybody...
but i know things dont change..
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2005 3 January :: 8.06pm
BlckTangldHrt35x: do u ever feel like you hate everything
BlckTangldHrt35x: like nothings right..
Pimpin In 1869: sure
Pimpin In 1869: im all fucked up i know mad shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: im fucking crazy
Pimpin In 1869: not as crazy as me
BlckTangldHrt35x: dana you dont know what goes on in my head
BlckTangldHrt35x: and how bad i feel more than half the time
BlckTangldHrt35x: nor would anyone want to
Pimpin In 1869: you dont know what goes one o my head
BlckTangldHrt35x: but the thing is
BlckTangldHrt35x: id like to understand what goes on in your head
BlckTangldHrt35x: nobody wants to figure me out
BlckTangldHrt35x: or understand what goes on in mine
I see you're leaving me
and taking up with the enemy
The cold comfort of the in between
A little less than a human being
A little less than a happy high
A little less than a suicide
The only things that you really tried
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
what is it you see through your brown eyes
that isnt there when you stare back at mine
shes nothing in the scheme of things
id break her if i tried, for all the tears you made me cry
and the lies you made lie, and i never asked you why
but why must we divide, this time we spend
i thought it was on me you depend
but im broken in two
i geuss i needed you
(chorus)
theres a void in my heart
and losers everywhere
a nip to the air
as you run your fingers through her hair
ive got nowhere to go
and i know soon ill be walking alone
but you wont see me going nowhere fast
looking at the world in a shade of black and whites
i know you didnt mean those words i know you didnt mean to fight
ugh i cant finish this
- more later
being in love
being in love with someone who is not in love with
you, you understand my predicament.
being in love with you, who are not
in love with me, you understand my dilemma.
being in love with your being in love
with me, which you are not, you understand
the difficulty. being in love with your
being, you can well imagine how hard it is.
being in love with your being you,
no matter you are not your being in
love with me, you can appreciate and pity
being in love with you. being in love
with someone who is not in love, you know
all about being in love with someone who is not
in love with you, which is
being in love, which you know only too well,
love, being in love with being in love.
-marvin bell
August
this is one way to say it.
the girl left, you left.
and this is another.
last year in august i hung
my head between my knees, looked up
and flirted with the atmosphere
but you were here
and the sky had no gravity.
now love falls from me,
like walls of an empty city.
my symptom
is the earths
constant rotation
eveything i say about desire or
hunger is only lip service
in the face of it.
still there were days i know
your mouth gave that last taste of blue.
-esta spalding
"you said, there are women
i know whose presence
changes the quality of the air...
...i am not one of those"
lightness
it was your lightness that drew me,
the lightness of your talk and your laughter,
the lightness of your cheek in my hands
your sweet gentle modest lightness;
and it is the lightness of your kiss
that is starving my mouth,
and the lightness of your embrace
that will let me go adrift.
- meg bateman
1 .from you. |
.to me.
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xonixieox
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::
2005 3 January :: 1.40pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: none
in ms navarros!
Survey..
Best _____ of the year:
- party: new years eve baby
- show: one tree hill
- new show: summerland
- Comeback show: ?!?!?!?
- Reality Show: highschool reunion.. i guess.. mabye
- TV moment: who knows..
- cd: Eminem: ENCORE
- song: when the sun gos down~ kenny chesney
- remix: dunno
- movie:cinderella story.. its so cute
- videogame: wouldnt know
- experience: hmmmmm..
- concert: kiss concert 04' with janet and erika!
- book: uggg :/ lol
- month: october
- day: i dunno
Worst ____ of the year:
- party:Kimmi's cuz me and christina had to go home
- show: im not sure
- new show: i dunno.. hard questions
- Comeback show: ?
- Reality Show: BMOC
- TV moment: ????
- cd: hillary duff
- song: i dont listen to bad songs
- remix: ?!?!??!
- month: january
- day: august 1, 2004 RIP Gene i love you :(
Hopes for 2005:
- predict something that you think will happen in 2005?: not sure
- what do you hope changes about your country?: prices of things lol
- what do you hope for yourself?: to loose weight.. i dunno
- what do you hope for your family?: maybe to fucking get along
During 2004:
1. where were you when it began?: Christina's house
2. did you stay up?: obviously
3. what was your new year wish?:dont remember
4. how many boy/girlfriends?: ohh god im not sure..
5. broke up?: ummm?
6. have any crushes?: hehhe yes
7. care to mention names?: no thank you
8. new friends?:Virginia.. me and brittany got close again baNg 4 life baby
9. had to say goodbye?: dont make me cry.. yea i had to say goodbye
10. missed anyone?: Gene
11. win anything?: dont think so
12. best place you went to?: bahamas
13. worst place you went to?: a wake
14. happiest moment?: all the baNg sleepovers hahhhahhahhaha
15. how was your birthday?: good i had a sweet 16 that was awesome! got lotsa present!!
i felt like donig this becasue i found it somewhere.. lol ya so im in ms navarros and im bored sooo...
well thats all for now
-Nik
4 .from you. |
.to me.
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silentcriez
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::
2005 3 January :: 6.52am
im sitting here updating my journal at 7:00 im such a weirdo lol
well... its a new year and with that comes new changes, new events, new people, new me. my resolutions this year are to be nicer to people ive been a dick to..and to get in shape.. hummm any others? to do well in my competition :-)
i just hope things wont change as drastically as they have in the past year.. goodbye 04' you were well spent and well remembered..
<3 amanda
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xonixieox
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2005 2 January :: 11.55am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: big star x kenny chesney
vacation
vacation was amazing... even though i didnt have a very good christmas, and there were alot of fights between me and my family.. this has been the best winter break by far! wow it has been about baNg! i love you girls.. lol and partying with the boys! im happy that everything is slowly coming together again ! M5B!!!!!!! yay! im so excited.
we're going back to school tomorrow and i have decided that im going to start over.. im actually going to try in my classes.. i have detention on the 4th but w/e.. im even going to try to get on honor roll.. this is my new years resolution.. to do good in school and to actually try!
i dont want to go to schhol tomorrow becasue this vacation was amazing but theres nothing i can really do about that.. i cant wait till summer.. even though i have a job and im fully commited to that this summer is going to be amazing.. im gunna make it the best!
ok thats my wisdom for the day
-Nik
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