An AMAZING Christmas tree story
When Hannah and I were at Schuler a few weeks ago, I bought this AMAZING Christmas tree that I thought looked pretty cool. In twelve hours, with magic water, this stuff happens! You can even grow an Aryan supremacy tree!

It seemed awesome at the time. Five bucks worth of awesome, at that. However, all my hopes were crushed in just a few minutes after my arrival home.

The tree had instructions on the bottom of the package. These instructions specifically stated that the tree would only last 3 to 4 days. Oh, that's okay. I'll just set the whole thing up on Wednesday night and hopefully it would last until Sunday.

So last night I finally got to set up my AMAZING Christmas tree.

Well, it follows that the "magical water" is actually monobasic potassium phosphate. Which I'm fine with, I suppose. I mean, it's not as magical when you give it a name like that but it's cooler. More cool.

Like all -ic-ium-ates, you shouldn't get monobasic potassium phostphate in your eyeballs. It is a buffering agent or a dietary supplement.

I actually didn't care what it was. (Did you see those side effects?) All I cared was that it would make my tree grow.

But it turns out that I should have cared because the monobasic potassium phosphate monobasic SMELLS REALLY BAD.

I have a very stinky Christmas tree (which I would love to show you because it's sweet but all the batteries to all the cameras in this house are dead.) sitting on my kitchen table right now.

9 o'clock marks 12 hours since it has been stewing downstairs. It also marks the point in time when we can put the star on top and sprinkle the glitter on it! Yay!


I love you all.

P.S. You should buy one. They're fun. I don't know if they're five dollars worth of fun but they're fun.

2 Survived | Choke on it