:: 2006 12 November :: 11.18 pm

it's not his fault.
i just need to adjust.

3 carrot flowers | oh comely...

:: 2006 18 October :: 10.50 pm

nothing seems real anymore.
i can't look at somebody without wondering what they're seeing...
or wondering if they're having problems, too.

and i can't look at myself in the mirror without having to stop and realize...
that it's me i'm looking at. and i'm actually living my life.
all of this is actually happening.
it seems so simple, but it's so hard for me to comprehend.

i can't be around someone,
without wondering if people can tell that i'm falling apart.
...am i falling apart? or do i just feel like i should be?

i tried so hard to help. i wanted things to get better.
i was affectionate and kind, and when that didn't work,
i screamed so loud that it hurt.
i said hateful things and harsh words. that needed to be said.
"tough love," i guess you call it.

i don't know what's happening.
i hate how i've lost grip.
i just want my life back.

1 carrot flower | oh comely...

:: 2006 9 October :: 10.17 pm

life is confusing.

1 carrot flower | oh comely...

:: 2006 8 October :: 11.11 pm

tonight.
i'm so attached it scares me.
for the first time in my life,
i am 100% sure that i am in love.

2 carrot flowers | oh comely...

:: 2006 27 September :: 2.09 pm

things aren't getting better.

i kind of stopped caring.

1 carrot flower | oh comely...