Everybody Scream
People piss me off. Every little thing I say and do, I get a comment. "I might be going to see H.I.M. next month." "H.I.M. sucks, I wouldn't go" .... uh.. I didn't ask if YOU wanted to go... I just felt like mentioning that I might be going. I really didn't feel like sleeping over Steph's yesterday.. I felt like walking out of her house, and going somewhere to cry. I didn't want to go home.. my mom was worse. But instead, I held it in, like always..... and ended up hanging out with the adults and eating doritos.

Tonight is Halloween... boo? I dunno, life sucks, and Livejournal just got blocked on CHI's computers so I have to go back to this lousy journal to do all my posts. If only I would find that way to get around the blockage and be able to check my myspace. Need.. to.. find.. answers..

HELP ME.










p.s. I love my sex face *muahz*

Hand guns for hearts..
I hate people. And as anti-racist as I am, I'm starting to hate black people. Not all of them, but about a good 86% of them. Along with "Poseur-Bitch" I am now referred to as "Halloween Girl." It was in lunch yesterday.. I was wearing black and green "arm-warmers" (stockings cut to be arm warmers) and these black kids were like "ohhh, it's not halloween yet.. ohhh Trick - or - treat!!" so.. in response I was like "Hah, yeah.. Trick - or treat.. gonna give a fat girl candy? No? Then shut the fuck up." Them: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh"

I fucking hate black people. They try to pull this whole shit about how "dere peeps was slaves" and how they have it soooooo damn hard. Yeah fucking right. Those people that were slaves were your great-great-great-great-great grandparents. So shut the fuck up, you have no idea what they went through. And don't blame the white people for the slavery.. it was the black people who sold your fucking family into slavery to get a little bit of pocket money. Us "white folk" only took what your people did first. And don't call us fucking "crackers" if you can't handle being called a fucking "nigger." It's the same amount of respect.. you call me a cracker, then I'll call you a nigger. End of story. And don't discriminate about the things that we have versus what you have. Yeah, you got all this "bling" and "ice." Well, to me that looks like you are either a Male Prostitute, or you get your money from your mom. Either way, that's lower than dirt. What about the people like me who have to go through a pile of pennies everyday just to make sure I can buy something to make my stomach stop begging for food? I buy and wear what I can, which isn't much. But I'm proud of the shit that I buy from Good Will. Half that shit is better than that crap you guys get from what.. areopostale and I don't even know what the black people stores are called. Sure, I've started te Ramen life .. once again.. but it's not that bad. I'd rather live off of Ramen the rest of my life instead of being forced to eat meat (seeing as I'm a vegitarian.)

And then the stupid validation of being in a relationship. I don't care if you're in a relationship, but don't rub it in other peoples faces. And while you're at it, do background checks and make sure the "sweet innocent" girl you're hooking up with doesn't have AIDS or any other STD from the 800 guys shes fucked in the last month. And don't sit there asking me "well.. why do you not like her?" I don't like her because shes a slut.. and maybe because I like you. All the guys I end up getting "things" for.. end up fucking themselves over by getting some slutface to be with them. I'm not saying that I'm nicer or better than them, it's just that I don't want to see the guy I like get fucked over by a whore. This one kid (I'll call him Joe .. which is far from his real name) .. I hooked up with him once after he told me that he thought I was good looking. So we met up, and as I walked him half-way home, we hooked up.. and I thought you know, I might actually have a chance. A week later he IMs me "Hey, guess what" "hmm?" I ask. And what does 'Joe' tell me but: "I got a girlfriend!!" ok.. wow. good for you fucker. what the hell happened to me? And I look at his myspace.. and they've only been together for 2 months and he's all "I love her so much. We're going to be together forever.. and even in the after life.." blah blah blah. I can't wait till she breaks his heart into a thousand microscopic pieces. And the kid I'm talking about at the top.. I'll call him "Drew" (again, far from the real name).. Now Drew here.. I met him over the summer.. and although he's two years younger than me, I don't care. He's a nice kid and very good looking at that. He's also very talented and I like him. I realize I have no chance with him, but I'm so much better than that cunt face. There's this new kid Sean who rides my bus.. (yes, real name this time). Hes also a freshman like 'Drew'.. and I sat with him on the bus today.. he's pretty cool.. we sang Weezer's "Sweater Song" today... lol. I don't know why I like him.. I think he's kinda cute, but if he's with this one chick that someone said he's with.. shes fugly. But I'm not going to interfere with anything. I just want someone to care for me even half as much as my friends do. Someone that will be there when I need to cry (which has been a LOT lately) and someone who will hug me and say everything is going to be allright, and that they'll take care of it. And everyone I end up liking, either a. hates my guts. b. doesnt like me that way. c. already has someone. or d. is trying to get with someone else. or any combination of those four. I just need someone to talk to besides myself. I know, I'm always there when I need me, but I'm also my biggest enemy (right behind all the assholes at school). I'm the most hardest on myself, but being that way makes me honest with myself at the same time.

I know I'm overweight .. I call myself fat. These little prissy people that are a size 2 need to shut their fucking mouths because they don't know what fat is. They are not fat, and if they want to know what fat is, I'll sit on them. I'm allowed to call myself fat, because I am. Don't call yourself something you're not. I'm happy with who I am and I'm happy with being brutally honest with myself.

Now I'm going to go and have a shitty time at the homecoming dance.. but hell.. it gets me away from the bitch monster.

Anyone want to go see Misdeed, Centerview, Forever Came Crashing and a few other bands with me tomorrow night? If not.. then you'll find me at home doing nothing.

Shut up, and play.
Fuck yeah. The whole entire concert can be sumed up in two words.. "Fuck Yeah."

I took off all day on Friday because I'm just so fucking cool like that. And Michelle ended up being off too so I got to talk to her. I bleached my hair (well the one part) yet again.. and it was all like straw and shit. So I took a shower, then put my red on it and got back in the shower. Damn fucking dye took too long to rinse out.. it wasn't even running clear but I said "fuck it" and got out. So I got dressed and my mom took me up around WalMart at about 12:45. I went to the bank to get money out, went into walmart to get cameras and stopped at Taco Bell to pick up some lunch. Came home, ate.. and did some stuff. I went over Steph's around 2:30 and Zack was there. We chilled, got ready.. I painted my nails, Zack's nails, AND Steph's nails. I did my make up.. I did Zack's make up.. and I didn't have time to do Steph's. We left... got lost getting to the Ben Franklin bridge.. but got there with enough time. Once we were in the doors, I saw Lena in the line for the pit, so I went over to say "Hi." Her hair was greeeeeeeen =] lol. We go in and find me and Steph's seats. Then we explore and look for how far away Zack's seat is. Damn was is far. But luckily we got away with him sitting with us and we didn't have to go back there again.

After sitting for a while, we decide to buy merch 'cause there was nothing better to do. Steph bought a hoodie (REVENGE) and then I bought the pretty bloody rose shirt, and the other hoodie.. and the poster that both Steph and Zack bought at Warped Tour. Went back to our TWO seats, but spread out and filled like, five. People started filling in.. and then Reggie and the who-ever-the-fuck-they-were went on. They were really really really REALLY good. But I got hungry, so right before their last song, I went and bought a pretzel and put some mustard on it. Found my way back (don't know how...) and shared with Steph. She's like "BLAH! IT'S SPICY!" but yeah.. they (the band) were good. They talked about how he got kicked out of his school.. which was a catholic school.. that his dad was the pastor at.. and that's why the fish had devil horns.

Then a break, Zack found his "friend" who wouldn't stop fucking kissing him. Then... wooo! Alkaline Trio!! Hehe.. they were really good live. I'm not too impressed by "Crimson" but .. live was awesome. I rocked out to what I knew.. and then, wow. Another break.

During this break.. they played Jay-Z and shit. I'm sitting there like "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!??!?! I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!!!!" but then I started getting pumped and I was dancing to it... Zack's "friend" told me that I'm now her hero. =] And there was some kid dancing in the isle so I shouted over "WOO!!! YEAH!! TAKE IT OFF!!!! OW!" It was fun. I looked at the pit during each break and I was like "Oh look.. there's Lena.." and Zack's like "yeah.. you can tell by the hair" and I go "that's how I found her during Hard Rock Live." Music stops.. a few lights go off.. and everyon and their mom start cheering and standing up. Those few lights go back on and everyone is like "aww... wtf" and I just laugh at all the idiots. THEN the lights go completely out and the curtain goes up and all you see are the two screens. It was amazing. They started it off with the "Interlude" thinger.. and o.m.g. a.m.a.z.i.n.g. words cannot describe how GREAT this fucking concert was. We ended up being "Philla-New Jersey" and it was AWESOME to see My Chemical Romance in their HOMETOWN!! WOO!!!! Lots of clapping went on.. and dancing.. These people in like, this front-ish row of our section decided to leave like, 3 songs into the set, so we walk up and take their spot. I turn around and notice full cups of soda, so I drink some.. and I look at the floor, and theres a fucking DIGITAL CAMERA there. I thought it was Zack's so I tap him on the shoulder and ask if it's his and he says "no..." so I'm all like "SHIT! New camera!!! Hells yeah." And these girls next to Steph were all grabbing people's hair as they walked by. And according to Steph, they only knew the stuff on the new album and nothing from the old one.. damn preppy poseurs. Don't go to a concert when you don't know all the stuff from the headlining band that you are going to see. Dumbasses. I was disappointed because he didn't tell us a story =[ but he did do the "woah - oh - oh - oh - oah - oah - ohhh" thinger, from Hard Rock Live. "SO WHO'S FUCKED UP TONIGHT!!????" -wooooo!!! "AND I DON'T MEAN DRINKING AND PILLS FUCKED UP, I MEAN FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD!!!!" -woooooo!!!! "AND YOU GOT FIVE PEOPLE UP HERE, JUST AS FUCKED UP AS YOU!!!!" heh. ^_^ . I feel bad for who ever was in the pit and got hit with that shoe that kept flying all over. There was a hoodie too.. and then someone had an umbrella during Helena. It was cute. Uhhh... it's hurting my brain trying to think of everything. At the end, they did I'm Not Okay.. and I was all headbanging Ray-style. I took my glasses off, held onto the bar, and just let loose. I lost my voice so I stopped sining and just gave myself whip-lash yet again at another concert/show. We gave "FUCK YEAH"s to the other bands becuase Gerard told us to. And they covered a Misfits song.. yay. They also played a brand new song.. "Shut up and play". I LOVED IT.

We left and I found some confetti by the water fountains, so I took some xD and we got drinks.. I found a sparkly bag on the floor, so I looked in it.. there were some quarters, a lighter and a camera. I left the key there in case they got back. They had no fucking pictures of the show on the damn camera. Fuckers. Found my friend in the parking lot and talked to her. After asking this one lady where they got their street vender shirts, she asked me about my hair and how to get colors to show up in her daughters hair 'cause they just died it black. They were really nice.. so I was talking to them about my hair.. and then after trying to find the street venders, my mom decides to be there. So we find her.. and as we're driving away, theres a street vender. FUCKING TRADITION TO BUY A DAMN STREET ENDER SHIRT. her asshole boyfriend says "no. im not stopping." and keeps going. FUCKING ASSHOLE. ruin my whole night breaking my fucking tradition. but whatever. we go to Steph's to get our stuff, then drop Zack off.. then I go home and go to bed.

Septa-FUCK. After hanging out all day.. me and Steph decide to go to Wal Mart. So we wait for the bus (Septa-FUCK.) and I end up calling a neighbor asking for a ride. There goes the bus (Septa-FUCK). Fucker. Here's our ride. Go to walmart, get pictures developed. Sit at the bus (Septa-FUCK) stop outside of there.. singing MCR at the top of our lungs and woo-ing randomly. I skipped across the street. xD . Her mom calls and decideds to pick us up. Here comes the bus. (Septa-FUCK). And here I am writing about this being asked to get off the computer by my mom, so I'm going to get off and work on my room.. woo.