..open up my eyes..
So today was fucking hot. I went to Zack's house with Steph and had some fun. He's cute =X but he's two years younger than me. And he likes skinny preppy girls, or at least that's who he's dating. When I got back, my mom took me to the doctors. She checked my throat and swabbed it and crap (fun). Then she was all looking in my ears and said something was wrong with the one that doesn't bother me. So she prescribed some drops or whatever for me. My mom picks them up and I'm about to do them like, a half hour ago. I read the bottle and it says to see the enclosed paper thinger for instructions. Well the box tells me how many drops ect.. (four drops, four times a day).. but I look at the paper just out of curiosity. What do I read but "long-term studies in animals (rats, rabbits, mice) showed no evidence.... ...have been shown to be teratogenic in rabbits when applied topically.... ...and in mice when applied topically..." RED FLAG. I was pissed. I went upstairs, woke my mom up and demanded that I'm not using the drops. She's like "okay... ..why?" and I tell her that they were tested on animals. She's like "Allright.. *sigh* ...it's your ear... you could go deaf." and I walked away. And right now (don't know why though) I feel like I need to throw up.

Chellerz is giving me her extra digital camera for my birthday! (early I hope) and then she's giving me Billy for christmas. He's gonna be under my mini tree with a big red bow on him! =) Ahh I can't wait for the camera... I haven't whored a camera in sooooo long. I miss mine. Oh, and Chellerz is sending me Blue Spoons. Yay... spooooooooonnsssss. =) Ok, I go now.. I think I need to barf...

..contemplating everything you ever said..
So.. after talking to my wife and sleeping on it, I have come to a conclusion that I will forgive Clayton. That still doesn't mean I'm going to forget what he did. I like to give people chances to redeem themselves. Three strikes, so to say. And there's one perticular individual whom I've given more than three strikes and it's now over. He's had his many chances. Now with Clayton, we haven't known each other for long so we don't really know each other well. This was the first thing he's done to me. Yes he was being immature about it, and he could've handled the situation in a completely different and mature matter. Too late. He did what he did, and it will always be in my head. I can put it past us for now until something else happens. Hopefully nothing else WILL happen that will make me feel that way. I got to the point where I felt as if I could kill someone. That was the ultimate betrayal and it hit a nerve the wrong way. Okay, maybe not ULTIMATE, but it still hit me. But yes, I am willing to give him another shot at having my friendship. My mind has just been all "kdjagirytgrujghd" lately. I hate being sick.. I've had a fever for like, 4 days then it finally went away but my throat burns like hell. Why is it easier for me to swallow luke-warm water rather than ice cold? The cold burns (ironic.. but true). My nose has been all stuffy but theres nothing there. My taste buds are going whacky, my chips and salsa (SALSA SHARK!!) tasted funny.. or maybe that was the Sunny-D I had with it? And then my tummy.. gosh. I didn't eat breakfast the other day until 6pm. I woke up at about 10 or 11-ish. I hope it goes away. I hope it's nothing serious, 'cause dumbass me has been around friends. These braces don't help.. I keep banging my teeth on my glass that I'm drinking out of or a peice of food gets stuck and I don't realize and then it's like "wtf is that??????" GOD I HATE IT. I feel like a fucking little kid. I talk with a little bit of a lisp now. When I first had braces (top AND bottom) I could close my lips over them fine. Now that I have only top, I rest my top lip on the top of them and my bottom lip comes up to sit under them. It's weird. I also have a sore on my lip and it's all ugly looking (you really wanna know...) I had an itch the other night.. on my lip. So I "scratched" it with my teeth, and bit it a little bit. I ended up falling asleep biting it and woke up with this big ass thing. It keeps bleeding and burning and chapstick ISN'T HELPING!!! I'll shut up.

So yes, main point of this post is, that.. I think I'm going to forgive Clayton. Now to put this post in my other journal (http://www.livejournal.com/users/p0ke_me) and then in my blog on myspace (http://blog.myspace.com/stefanishrek).


------------------------------


..obsession desire depression..

[24 Jul 2005|02:01am]

[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Eighteen Visions ]

dankxheadbanger (12:35:25 AM): hey i wanna say that i am sorry for acting the way i did and if its ok with you i wopuld like to stay friends and well forgive eachother
Poisoned ReaIity (12:36:03 AM): you'll have to give me a while to think about it first..
dankxheadbanger (12:36:30 AM): its not that hard to forgive
dankxheadbanger (12:36:39 AM): but if thats what you need then ok
Poisoned ReaIity (12:38:25 AM): It's hard for me to forgive someone when they've done something like this to me. and Yes, that's what I need, if you don't mind.
dankxheadbanger (12:38:27 AM):
dankxheadbanger (12:38:55 AM): i dont mind i realized that i was an ass and i am sorry
dankxheadbanger (12:39:18 AM): and when ever you are ready to be friends again im me call me or leave me a message
Poisoned ReaIity (12:43:53 AM): I will do that
dankxheadbanger (12:47:31 AM): ok thanks
Poisoned ReaIity (12:47:58 AM): yep
dankxheadbanger (1:46:11 AM): yo sign this petition its about how mothers against hard rock is trying t o ban shit like mcr and any thing else
dankxheadbanger (1:46:13 AM): www.petitiononline.com/antmscbn/petition.html
Poisoned ReaIity (1:46:27 AM): allright
dankxheadbanger (1:46:36 AM): yeah
dankxheadbanger signed off at 1:50:34 AM.

..hold your breath until your breathing stops forever..
dankxheadbanger (7:26:08 PM): oh by the way i deleted your codes now
Poisoned ReaIity (7:26:16 PM): well i wanted them.
dankxheadbanger (7:26:21 PM): oops
Poisoned ReaIity (7:26:34 PM): i already fucking told you that.
dankxheadbanger (7:27:05 PM): i am sorry if you werent bitchy about it maybe you would have got them
Poisoned ReaIity (7:27:21 PM): maybe if you clued me in on what the fuck was happening, i wouldnt be so fucking bitchy.
dankxheadbanger (7:27:36 PM): i did actually
Poisoned ReaIity (7:27:44 PM): when?
dankxheadbanger (7:27:51 PM): that email i sent
Poisoned ReaIity (7:28:10 PM): i was never told the band was going to break up, i was never informed that i was kicked out, let alone why i was fucking kicked out.
dankxheadbanger (7:29:26 PM): well many reasons 1 you dont play our kid of music 2 you dont fit the image 3 you live 2 far away
Poisoned ReaIity (7:29:54 PM): well 1, i dont play any "type" of music, and 2, why the fuck would you care about image?
Poisoned ReaIity (7:30:01 PM): thats what poseurs care about
dankxheadbanger (7:30:19 PM): you calline me a poser
Poisoned ReaIity (7:31:04 PM): no, I'm calling you an immature jackass who can't face things when they happen but wait untill all this shit blows over and people get pissed off before fessing up to anything
dankxheadbanger (7:31:52 PM): what am i fessing up to
dankxheadbanger (7:31:56 PM): that you are a bitch
dankxheadbanger (7:31:59 PM): yeah i am
Poisoned ReaIity (7:32:51 PM): no, all the shit that you were hiding behind. "figure it out on your own" what the fuck, that's how five year olds talk. act your fucking age and stop cowering behind little kid behaviours
dankxheadbanger (7:33:32 PM): what am i hiding behind
dankxheadbanger (7:33:34 PM): tell me
dankxheadbanger (7:33:40 PM): you think that you are perfect
dankxheadbanger (7:33:44 PM): thats bull shit
Poisoned ReaIity (7:33:53 PM): when the fuck have i EVER said that i was perfect?
Poisoned ReaIity (7:34:04 PM): I just want to know why you're being so immature about stupid shit like this
dankxheadbanger (7:34:07 PM): you are making it sound like you are
dankxheadbanger (7:34:12 PM): i have all this problems
dankxheadbanger (7:34:16 PM): but wheres yours
dankxheadbanger (7:34:19 PM): excatly
dankxheadbanger (7:34:33 PM): i am sorry if i did shit ti piss you off i only speak the truth
Poisoned ReaIity (7:34:35 PM): oh i have plenty hun, have about five hours for me to tell you?
dankxheadbanger (7:34:53 PM): ok
dankxheadbanger (7:35:06 PM): i have not that many so dont talm
dankxheadbanger (7:35:09 PM): talk
dankxheadbanger signed off at 7:35:19 PM.
Poisoned ReaIity (7:35:37 PM): plus i never even fucking said you have problems, you just need to stop being a fucking little kid and act your damn age.


--+--+--


I Kill Cookies (8:24:01 PM): what a fucking jackass
Poisoned ReaIity (8:24:10 PM): he is
Poisoned ReaIity (8:24:45 PM): i saw him for the second time at the park last week and he couldnt even acknowledge my existance let alone tell me i wasnt in the band anymore. he barely even looked at me when i gave him his bracelet back.. and i want mine back from him..
I Kill Cookies (8:24:45 PM): wow that made me mad just reading it..
Poisoned ReaIity (8:24:58 PM): yeah im not too happy myself
I Kill Cookies (8:25:01 PM): ehh
I Kill Cookies (8:25:03 PM): i dont get..
I Kill Cookies (8:25:07 PM): "you dont fit our image"
I Kill Cookies (8:25:08 PM): wtf
Poisoned ReaIity (8:25:26 PM): hes a goddamn "metal head" and he says i'm "too emo for this band"
I Kill Cookies (8:25:34 PM): he IS a fucking poser for saying that shit
I Kill Cookies (8:25:38 PM): whateverrr. loser
Poisoned ReaIity (8:25:57 PM): you should write him a hate letter and ill give you his address
I Kill Cookies (8:26:04 PM): haha okay!
Poisoned ReaIity (8:26:15 PM): and get all your friends to do it too.. lol
I Kill Cookies (8:26:25 PM): haha okay i will
Poisoned ReaIity (8:27:40 PM): you should've heard the way i was talking yesterday... i was telling my friend how nice it would be for me to rip out his throat and stand there laughing
Poisoned ReaIity (8:27:51 PM): if you cant tell.. im not too happy at the moment
I Kill Cookies (8:28:03 PM): yeah, i can tell
Poisoned ReaIity (8:29:10 PM): Clayton Smith
2617 Longwood Dr
Wilmington, DE 19810

Have fun my friends!!