:: 2005 12 September :: 11.45 am
:: Mood: restless

. . a year && a half ago, you were standing in my drive way, talking about fireflys because you didnt know there were any in florida, we never said to much to eachother that night,but we still had a good time .

a week or two after that night you came over, when you got off work. .we stood by my edpidition and talked,we laughed a little,and you even tryed to kiss me, i dont recall it..but id believe it. You broke my windshield wipper,and i never really cared. && it was the first night you actually held me, and gave me a real hug.

over the next 3 weeks, we talked . .every night online. .since i was in texas, not about anything important or anything of that type, but we were actually talking for once.

&& some how by the time i was getting ready to leave && get on a plane back to florida, i was dating you && you were coming with brittany to pick me up from the airport.
. .gowsh, i was so nervous, how do i act?! what do i say?! what if he dosent show up?! what if, what about that, so many questions, it was so nerve racking. .but you made it, and we had a great night

&& it wasnt too long after that, you were sneaking into my bedroom to hang out with me, we would lay around asking stupid questions && we didnt really know it then, but we were falling in love. . you always ended up staying so late you broke your cerfew && i always ended up exauhsted at school the next day, it never bothered either one of us, since we would always end up doing it the next day .

&& for a while we were always together, or at work, we had so much fun together && laughed so much, even when we couldnt find antyhing to talk about because we were so uncomfterble around each other. when we wwould lay in your room together, we would just kinda lay there, uncomfterble, but knowing it was right.

. .as time passed we grew passed that, we grew into so much more. we always knew what to say && always had somethign to talk about, what to do to make the other smile, we found it hard to believe through out the hard times, we were still so perfectly together, how we knew how to finish eachother sentences && how time seemed to stop when we were together, we layed in eachothers arms and knew, nothing could ever tear us apart nothing could be better&& nobody could break us

there was one weekend, that i guess i kinda got the crazy idea for,yanno, when it seemed so far fetched of an idea, untill we were in your dads car driving there, we both sat in the car going, i cant believe were doing this together, yet knew there would be plenty more times to come . .we had an amazing room, and i still laugh thinking of how tired you were. we wanted outback so bad, we drove around . .and around , and well right past it, in a huge circle, to pick it up, we hadnt even ordered it fromt he right one, and after we drove all the way home, in that big circle, we ate it, and enjoyed the room, laughed, and were us. .the next day it was so cold outside && the dummy that i am, had no pants. do befor we could go to seaworld we had to buy me pants wich took forever because we couldnt find any. i eneded up with ecko pants that cost a million dollars and you got a packer sweater. . we took pictures and looked at everything, had a blast and held each ther to stay warm. && the day befor was even better the animals and all the pictures. . all 800 of em. we had a blast

life couldnt have gotten better, we had eachother && it was all that mattered. . yet some how a fight && a getaway weekend, ruinedour lives. yanno baby i know i made a mistake && i truley am sorry. i meant every word i spoke to you && that wont change. ever
i wanted to work everything out && i wanted you to move in, i wanted to marry you and i wanted to live with you, i wanted you to grow old with me, i wanted to wake up next to you && fall asleep in your arms, i wanted to struggle through hard times && being broke with you, i wanted to grow even more together then we already were, i wanted to help you when you needed help, i wanted to do everything i could for you && more, i wanted to hold your hand through my life. were supposed to be together forever we are.

but i made mistake, somewhere in july && everything fell apart. .my life was ruined , and i almost for a second though everything was going to be okay again && it was going so good you even let me come over again, i meant everything i said to you that night && i slept with you because i love you. .

the reason i went back down there was because i needed to get rid of things && make sure everything could go on, that we fix everything && regain EACHOTHERS trust. so that our life plans,could go on . .so we actually could be together forever && we ended up on the phone you screamed at me and listened to me cry, hung up on me 5 times, and tryed to convince yourself that i dont care about you and i dont love you && you know thats not true, you dont want to believe it thats all. . you want to call me a sleezy bitch untrustworthy lying bitch && tell me how much my father dosent care because hes always to drunk && say hurtful things because you want me to flipp out on you so you have more reasons to hate me.

im sorry its not working for you, i really am. && im also sorry that after every hurtful thing you said, and every fuck you, that was said to me, and how much you wanted me dead, for some fucked up reason i still fucking love you && still wanna be with you, who the fuck knows why. .maybe because i cant live with out you. i really cant, i really fucking love you daniel jones. and im sorry thats not what you want.

i have so much more to say but we just got in a fight and i cant sit here any longer. have a great night at work && i here goes to the next 10 days --> ♥

13 touched my heart | love