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2005 6 January :: 8.50 pm
:: Mood: *sigh*
I miss the days when I was in love.
I miss crushes.
I just miss acting my age.
I wish I was happy.
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2005 5 January :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: tired
just me.. I was in the rain, so I look like poo.
Gabrielle.. 3 months and 4 days. <3
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2005 4 January :: 6.12 pm
I'm on myspace.com and looking at all the "parent groups" "mommies groups" ect.
I was looking at this one topic "How old are you when you had your first" and I just started crying when I was reading it.. why? I'm not sure; maybe because I could never have imagined how many people my age have gotten pregnant. I guess I'm a lot more scared that I lead on to be. It is scary.. I think about it all the time. Will I be a good mom? What if something happens and I don't know how to deel with it? How am I going to pay for everything? And just all these other things. It's really upseting me anymore. I just don't want to be a bad mom.
I'm glad I've gotten that off my chest, I feel a little better now. It just feels good to realize I've got people out there like me.
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2005 4 January :: 3.58 pm
:: Mood: blah
So today I realized that I think someone in school is HOTT. Oh baby oh baby, yes.. go ahead and ask me who!
Anyways,
Boring day, I yelled at some people, I laughed, I screamed, I whispered, and I had a good day. *smiles*
Well, Jim was supposed to come get me at school, but he ended up not. So we got into a fight.
That is all.
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2005 3 January :: 10.32 am
The beautiful is ugly, and the ugly is beautiful.
-SHAKESPEARE; MACBETH
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2005 2 January :: 8.16 pm
I wish I could fly.
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2005 2 January :: 4.09 pm
:: Mood: cranky
Well lets see, how that I've cleared up me not being a "slut" and no one left a comment asking me anything else.. I expect not to be called that again.
Now I was supposed to go Jims house today.. but noo my mom all the sudden coundn't take my sisters with them.. so I had to stay home and watch them.. okay; It's okay if I have plans.. don't worry about me.. I don't mind. WTF? HI, I'M A FUCKIN' PERSON TO. I HAVE FEELINGS, I WOULD LIKE TO GET OUT OF THIS PRISION.
I'M COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL MY 18TH BIRTHDAY.. but yet my 17th birthday is in 25 days. *sighs* I fuckin' can not wait until I leave. I just can't wait.
Well anyways, I was up my Aunt Loraines for dinner.. we ate blah blah blah.. then my cousin Doug just kept yelling and yelling at Anna for doing something that he "thought" she was doing.. I got really pissed off and we all left. Then my Aunt Loraine got mad at me and asked me to please not leave.. but I left anyways, Anna's not going to get yelled at all the time for things she's not doing wrong. ANYWAYS..
I gave my Aunt Loraine $40 dollars for almost brand new crib&changing table.. I told her it was my moms money; [she didn't want me to pay for it so I could buy a car seat and a mattress] but I just told her it was my moms money.. but I don't think she believed me. Mmmmm.. I hope she doesn't ask my mom. And really, I just really hate asking my mom to buy me anything.. she brings it up in our fights all the time, and makes me feel bad about everything. Hey if she would let me move out.. I would. But she's just controlling me in everything I do, so I can't do anything anymore. But that's enough about that.. because I'm getting irate.
Ahhh. I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
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2005 1 January :: 2.58 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: lagwagon - tomorrow is heartbreak
My new years resolution is too lose a few pounds, eat better and exercise.
Now for my real entry. SLUT?
Well, I got a call last night.. I guess that's what I get for leaving my number online for people to see.. but anyways, they kept saying how I was a slut and everything.. well now lets clear a few things up.
1. Yes, I do have a 3 month old daughter.. [[SHES 3 MONTHS OLD TODAY!!]] her name is Gabrielle.
2. No I haven't had sex with multipul people.
3. Yes, I've had sex with one person, and only one person. And yes that's Jim, and YES Gabrielle is his daughter.
4. No matter what you've heard about me, it probably isn't true. I went through a "slutty stage" where I pretended like I was a slut; but in reality I just wanted attention. [[yes;; the attention whore I am.]]
5. No, I've never cheated on Jim.. and I won't ever cheat on him. Yes I've thought other guys were "cute" or "hott" or however you want to say it.. but I haven't ever actually acted on them.
Well, if anyone has anymore questions just leave a comment, and I'll be sure you answer.
I just wanted to start a new year fresh. :)
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2004 30 December :: 3.52 pm
:: Mood: irate
:: Music: pinebender - begin here
I went shopping today with Amy.
Here's a picture of my cool self.
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2004 29 December :: 12.20 pm
:: Mood: chipper
I feel.. like DANCING.
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2004 27 December :: 10.43 pm
I went shopping with my Aunt Loraine, Gram, Gabrielle and Samantha today.
Jim met me there.. we shopped together.. I got 7 new pair of jeans, and about 10 shirts. Yay. I had a good time.
<3
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2004 26 December :: 8.19 pm
Jim and I went to his grams, dads, and sisters last night.
I got some gifts. So did Gab.
Jims dad gave me $100, Kim gave me $25 gift certifiticate for JcPennys, his uncle Steve gave me $30, his mom got me a pair of Betty Boop PJs, & a photo album.
Gab got a "Build a Bear" from John (Jims dad), a cute little froggy thing from Kim, books, baby einstine (SP?) DVD, and a "count with me" doll from Donna (Jims mom).
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2004 26 December :: 1.02 am
Jim and I are back together. Being apart from him just made me realize how much I love him.. I guess I should know that we were ment for each other.. nothing can break us apart.
He got me
*a box of Saris Candy
*Chocolate covered pretzles.
*Smelly good candle
*A big huge basket from Bath and Body Works.
*The cutest card in the world.
Now for the drama.. read my "friends only" entry tomorrow.
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2004 23 December :: 11.44 pm
Today, Jim and I went Christmas shopping for Gabrielle.
We kissed. And held hands.
What's going on?
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2004 22 December :: 7.56 pm
Jim and I are just friends..
There goes 2 years.
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2004 17 December :: 6.50 am
:: Mood: awake
So the other night my mom and George were home.. for there "once a week" time with us. All George ever does is yell yell yell at Sam and Anna. It pisses me off so much. So the other night I got so pissed of Gabrielle and I went up my Aunt Loraines. My mom was like "Where are you going" "Up Aunt Loraines" "Why, so you can get up in the morning?" "No, because I'm not going to sit down here and listen to you two yell. That's all you ever do when your home. You're never home to begin with and when you are all you do is yell." and I walked out the door. So the next day [yesterday] Gabrielle got her shots.. and on the way home my mom said something about staying up til 3:00 in the morning, and I asked her why she did that she was like "Well when you left last night I thought about what you said and you're right. All we do is yell, but it seems to be more George than me.. so I tried to talk to him about it last night but we just got into a fight so I went in the back to clean." And then that was the end of our conversation about that.
Yesterday Gabrielle got her frist shots.. ): FOUR AT ONCE!! they gave her two in both thighs.. She screamed her head off.. and I cried. I couldn't stand her crying like that. She just looked at me with her eyes that said "How could you do this to me??" She only cried for about a minute, then she fussed a little bit. All in all she did great. I just hated her crying like that. It was a terrible feeling not being able to do anything about it.
So Wed. and Thurs. I didn't go to school.. Tuesday night I hurt my back so bad I couldn't go to school Wednesday, and Thursday Gab had her doctor apointment and my mom couldn't come get me at school.
Blah blah blah.. right now I'm just waiting for Kelly to get ready so her mom can take us to school. I still have like 25 minutes or so.. it's 6:54 right now.
<3
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2004 13 December :: 6.58 pm
:: Mood: lazy
Today was okay I guess. I went to school, blah blah blah.. Jim came to pick Becky, Kelly and I up. We dropped Kelly off at home then Jim took Becky and I to her house.. and that's where I am now. I'm helping her with her Child Development project. She's totally getting a 100% on it. (:
We were outside spray painting it, and I got brown spray paint all over myself.. anyone know how to get it off other than gasoline?? Yuck
I guess that the roads are bad because my brother was supposed to come pick me up my Mom called and asked if I could just stay over here because she didn't want Dustin driving on them. Yuck, I hope we have a two hour delay tomorrow. (:
So I'm staying here for the night.. I miss Gabrielle.. I wish I was home; only to see her. Or better yet I wish she was here with me. ):
<3
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2004 11 December :: 8.35 pm
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2004 11 December :: 7.56 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
About Andys entry.
:: 2004 11 December :: 12.27pm
It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world when someone tells you about when everyone was sitting around talking about you behind your back. About something that you already feel self-conscious about.
And you realize you're just the butt of the jokes.
Isn't that the truth.
In reality there are no "true friends" everyone talks about everyone, no matter how close you are. You either do it because you're mad at that person, don't like that person, or whatever else. No one has a "true friend" even if you think you do.
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2004 11 December :: 12.11 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
So yesterday Jim came to pick me up at school. We took Rochelle and Kelly with us, dropped Rochelle off at her house then stopped at Mcdonalds to get something to eat. He dropped us off at my house and he started to go to Washington to look at something for my mom, but only came back 5 minutes later and said that he'd go later when we went to the mall. *DING* That's what I said in the frist place.. haha, guys.
Anyways, we went up my Aunt Loraines ate, then Jim went to go get his mom at work. They came out here to get Gabrielle and I.. then We dropped Donna and Gabrielle off at Ronnies and Jim and I went to the mall. We got out tickets to see Oceans Twelve, and I asked Jim what time it started at and he said "8:30" so we went into the mall walked around bought some Christmas presents, saw ROCHELLE!!!! Saw some other dumb people, then we went out to go to the movie.. We got there, handed the guy out ticket stubs, and he was like "This movie started like an hour ago.." Haha, we went an hour late cause Jim read the time on the ticket wrong, so we went and exchanged out tickets.
While we were wating we drove to Wal*Mart to get some Nursery Water for Gabrielle.. on the way out we GOT LOST IN WAL*MARTS PARKING LOT! Yes, now I can actually say that I got lost in Wal*Marts parking lot.. we were walking around for about 15 minutes before Jim was like "I think we came out the other door." And sure enough, he was right. So we found the car and went to the movie. We were on time.
The movie was pretty good. Though I was really in the mood for a scary story. The begining was kinda slow but it got better towards the end.
I got home around 1:00 last night. We definitly have some new memories, huh Jim? HAHA!
Today I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.. Jim wanted me to come over, Amy wants to bake cookies, and Rochelle is coming over around 6-7 tonight. If Amy doesn't call me before 2:00 I'll just go over Jims house, or maybe make him come over here if he's not with his mom Christmas shopping. I don't know.
<3
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2004 9 December :: 12.50 pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: chevelle - send the pain below
I'm sitting here.. at home drinking TANG. Oh this drink is the shit. Anyways. I didn't go to school today. I woke up, looked at the clock it was 6:15 and it was to late so I fell back asleep. Kelly called me at 7:20 and was like "Jena, are you coming over.. my mom is taking us to school" I just told her no that I had just woken up. *sighs* I guess I shoulda went to school.. but I miss Gabrielle.
Yesterday after school Jim came to pick Kelly and I up. I specifly told him to PARK AT THE END OF THE SIDEWALK. So we wouldn't have to wait for the buses to leave.. but noooo. HE HAD TO PARK IN THE PARKING LOT!! Jim, damn you! But oh well. I got over it. After he picked us up, we went to Cokeburg, followed the bus. Looked for Amy to pick her up and take her home but we didn't see her.. so we went to get Randi, but her mom picked her up! Damn my plans were ruined- so we went to Bentlyville and got some McDonalds. Then he took us home and I got to see my Gabrielle. Jim stayed til about 5:20 then he had to go pick up his mom at work.
At about 5:30 my Aunt Loraine called and said she was leaving for the meeting in about 10 minutes, so I hurried up and got ready. We went to the meeting, had a good time. Bridg came to sing for us (BRIDG YOU WERE GREAT!!) Linda and I wrapped baskets. All in all, I had fun.
Jim called.. I tired to call him back but no one answered his phone.. then this morning I remembered I was supposed to call him at Ronnies. Stupid me.. I forget everything. Becky and Rochelle also called me.. I was a popular girl last night. I gave Becky my invite code.. her journal is paperheart so make sure you leave her a note or something. <3 you Becky!!
I've been trying to call Jim, but he hasn't been answering the phone, he's probably sleeping. I wanted him to come over. *sigh* I'll keep trying.
This is definfitly the longest entry I wrote in a long time. I never have anything to write about though.. I guess that's why. Well, Sam and I are going to play Monopoly.
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2004 7 December :: 9.46 pm
:: Music: salava - all because of you
I need you.. but I doubt you need me.
I'm taking everyone off my Friends list. No one seems to comment anymore. Comment if you want back on.. I'll add you.
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2004 7 December :: 10.32 am
:: Mood: cranky
I'm hungry, cranky, and I don't have any money for lunch. Oh well, I'm FAT anyways. Yeah, bad mood here I come.
I'm in Accounting right now supposed to be doing my Ch. 5, because I'm 3 chapters behind.. but I don't feel like doing it. So screw it. I don't care.
I don't like leaving Gabrielle at home while I'm in school. I should be there with her, feeding her, giving her a bath, changing her diaper.. but no. I have to be in school. I hate it.
I have a very large computer screen at my house, I don't know how big it is.. but the schools computer is a lot smaller than mine, and my layout on this computer screen is all messed up, the box on the left side of the screen is almost cut in half.. anyone elses computer like that?? Tell me.
Well, I guess I'm gonna go. TONIGHT I have to decorate for my party with Ladies With Heart. Not last night.. stupid me always getting things mixed up. Blah; I'm so dumb.
Oh.. and Woohu communities are back.
<3
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2004 6 December :: 4.08 pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: Joe Somebody - movie on tv
So I went to bed pretty early last night. I think it was like 11:00 or something. Gab went to bed at 10:30-11:00 too. I set my alarm for 5:40 so I could get a shower ect. [I catch the bus at 6:40] soooo, Gab ended up waking me up at 5:30- and I just stayed up. I got her a bottle, then layed her in bed.. I got a shower, got ready for school and then Kelly and I left. Blah, school was dumb I surely didn't miss it.
Today I'm going with my Aunt Loraine and Gram to set up for our meeting [It's called Ladies With Heart] tomorrow.. we're having a Christmas party tomorrow.
I love the new Woohu. <3
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2004 5 December :: 11.06 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
Back to school tomorrow for me.. oh, joy.
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