soo, i guess my pictures don't show up?
-shoots them-
oh well. i guess i won't post anymore..
-sighs-
who cares.


SCHOOLS TOMORROW


just shoot me.

_@#!*&$!
ashley (kellys friend.) and kelly came over last night. ashely was stayin over kellys house, so they came over my house and chilled for a good couple hours. we just messed around on the computer, talkin, on the fone, playin the playstation and listening to some music. i think they walked over about 12-1? i don't really remember, but they left about 4-5. or somewhere around there, i don't know. ahhh.

my mom took jim and i to centry three. i got a new purse.. like i need anymore of those. but anyways, i got a new one, and some safety pins, and some little buttons. they're cute. but we only stayed there for about 30-45 minutes, because i only had 50$. ha. thats all i had left. o.0

thats all.

school starts on the 27th.. ahhh.

random picture of the day:

babies?!?!
so uh, i had this dream last night about fuckin babies. i woke up all confused and stuff. haha.

my dream:
i guess i got pregnant, and my mom kicked my out of the house or whatever. soo i was still in school, and so was jim. but jim got a good job and we got a little apartment and blah blah. i guess in school everyone was talking about how jim and i were screwed for the rest of our lives cause we were havin a kid. but we didn't really see it that way. so i had the baby, and it was a little girl. we bought her clothes, and everything she needs. and all i really remember about the dream before i woke up is that we were so happy. i don't think that i was ever that happy in my whole life. =]

so all day yesterday i was thinking about babies. i'm just kinda freaked out by it though, cause the more i think about it.. the more i want to have a baby =/ . whoa i'm weird. kelly and i went shopping, and i was all lookin at the baby clothes/toys. they're all so cute. i mean yeah i know i'm not ready for a baby.. but if it ever accidently happend, i'd be happy.

so anyway, jim didn't come over again today. godddd, i am so freakin mad! i mean, okayyy please don't tell me you are going to come over, and then not be able to! (i know it's not his fault because his ride didn't come.) but still it freakin upsets me. i mean jesus, school is starting in 3 damn days. it sucks. oh well.

i went shopping for some school clothes today. haha me and kelly shoplifted. (hahaha kelly) god, it was great. lets see.. i still have to get a couple more pair of pants, a new purse, some underware/bras/socks and some odds and ends. my moms dropping jim and i off at centry three today or maybe tomorrow, so i can get the rest of my shit. ahh i can't belive school is almost here! god, it makes me feel like shit. another year is gone.

in a happier note, on the 29th- it'll be 9 months for jim and i. aww, i can't believe it's been that long.. i love him more and more each day. =D even though we fight sometimes, it's okay. I love him.

random picture of the day:

just rambling
so um jim didn't come over yesterday.. i guess he just wanted to stay home for a night, or something. but he just didn't want to come over.. so, i couldn't give him the food i brought home for him from the resturaunt we went to yesterday.. but it's still in the fridge, so i guess if he comes out sometime today he can eat it.. if someone else doesn't first.. but my mom knows not to eat it, cause i got it for jim. and dustins not home.. so i don't really think anyone will eat it. but i don't know.

i went over kellys about 2 hours ago, and we watched a movie.. i think it was called 'the marrying man' or something? i don't really remember. but oh well. it doesn't really matter. so i got back over here a little bit ago, and i just came in, turned on my stereo and sat at my computer. in less than a second, i was crying.. [yeah, i bet you think that i'm stupid.] but i just really seriously miss jim. i don't know what came over me. i mean, yeah i do miss him when he's not here, but i usually don't cry. i just saw him yesterday.. i mean i stayed over his house. so i was with him the day before, but i don't know what came over me like i said. so i called him, and woke him up and just said hey.. i just wanted to hear his voice. god i really do love him more and more each day..

i really hope he comes over tomorrow.. i seriously miss him. =( i don't know what i'm going to do when school starts, it's going to be rough. i hope he gets his license soon.. so he can drive out to my house all the time. beacuse it's going to kill me not to see him for almost a whole week except for in school.. i doubt we'll have any classes together. ahh, i don't know what i'm going to do. it's going to suck so much.

ahh school. starts in four more days god. i'd much rather kill myself than go back to that hell hole and be around everyone again. god it makes me hate people even more. i don't know.

it seems i don't know about a lot of things. i've said "i don't know" about a zillion times. jeeze. who cares.

looks it's me.
..

could it be
just a song today.. maybe i'll write later.

i just.. don't feel so good. but jims here, so i really am happy. i missed him so much..




Masochist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla




Well I don't know what to say
Because there's truth to what you say
I know it kills you I'm this way
There's something different everyday

Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?

Not easy living in my mind
A little peace is hard to find
My every thought is undermined
By all the history inside

Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?

I know I hear the words you said
Over and over again
I just can't get them through my head
There's just too many voices
Must be like living with the dead
Waiting for me to begin
To do the things that I have said
And for this I'm sorry

So there's some truth to what you say

Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
-Staind

update from last entry:

i went over rochelles house with her around like 5:30, and we were just chillin and shit, then my mom called at 7, and she was like "where are you?" im like "rochelles, where else would i be?" she started like flipping out on me, because i wasn't home.. (when she told rochelle to make sure i was home by six the next day i mean, wtf? fuck you.) so i got home around like an hour or so later, and kelly came over and we were just talkin, then we went out on my back deck. (okay, now i haven't ate anything for about a day now. and i didn't eat dinner yesterday.) my mom was like "jena, do the dinner dishes" i was like WHAT!? I DIDN'T EVEN EAT HERE! omg, i was so pissed off. she said something else, and i just ignored her. then george was like "i hope your not planning on going anywhere until christmas" where the fuck do i go? that just pissed me off right there. i go about 2 places every fuckin 6 months. so fuck them. i hope i die in my room tonight. i called jim about 9:15, and i just cried with him on the fone for about a hour and a half.. i'm just about stupid. crying on the fone for a hour and a half.. jesus. i'll update what happens later today. god only knows what shits gonna go down.


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

-x|x- =( i don't know anymore.

i had the worst day yesterday.
kelly rochelle and i went to the fair yesterday.. we were supposed to meet casey, matt and jim there. well.. this is what happened:

we were at the fair for about 20 minutes or so, and jim called and just like started kinda yelling at me. so i yelled back and i don't know what happened, i guess we sorta hung up on eachother. well after that we went down to the rides and rochelle met matt at the ferris wheel, she stayed with him, while kelly and i went on the round up. i guess rochelle didn't hear my fone ring.. and jim had called ilke 6 times. he left a message.. so i called him back. kelly and rochelle went on this other ride, i don't know the name of it. we just like yelled at eachother, and stuff.. he told me that he didn't want to come to the fair and see me, and he was really mad at me.. we got off the fone a couple minutes later, and i went to get kelly and rochelle. they just got off they're ride and asked me what jim said.. and i just started cry. like freakin balling my eyes out right in the middle of the fair. i didn't really care though, rochelle hugged me and said it was okay.. but i cried for like 5 minutes. i don't know.. i kept trying to call him back, but he didn't answer the fone.. i thought he left somewhere with some girl. (because of what he said on the message he left me on my fone.) so i was trying so hard not to start crying again. but after that i wasn't even in the mood to be at the fair, i just wanted to go home.. :( you could tell that i was upset/sad. a little bit later we found matt again, and then kelly got ahold of casey, and he came down. so i was like all alone, while everyone was with someone.. i was really getting depressed and you could tell. but i didn't care. jim called back around like 8:30-9:00 i think, and said he was sorry or whatever, but i didn't care, it didn't put me back in a good mood. casey was tryin to make me smile, but it didn't work.. i didn't even have any money, cause jim was supposed to come.. but thankfully rochelle was there, and she paid for me to get in, and kelly and her got drinks for us and stuff. and that was so nice of them. (thanks you guys, if your reading this.) jay came down and walked with us a little later, and about 9:30 him and casey left with ben and matt left to. kelly called her mom, and she didn't even come get us until like 11:00. so we just messed around, and talked and shit.

we got home, and went online. we got hungry cause we didn't eat anything at the fair, so we made some mac and cheese. and i put the pot in the sink, and put water in it. later that night after kelly roach and me were done eating, roach put the dishes in the sink, and filled them with water. well about noon today, my mom comes barging into my room and shes like "IT'S 12:00 GET UP NOW." i'm like okay? wtf? (i've been up since 11:00, because my brother had the tv up so freakin loud, it woke me up.) so i was just layed there for about 20 more minutes, and she comes back in and like is all yelling at me not to sleep my life away and she wants me in the kitchen "NOW" so i'm like "okay.." so i went out there, and she starts yelling at me for the 3 bowls that are in the sink, and the pot. shes like "WHY DIDN'T YOU SOAK THESE? THEY'RE HARD AS A ROCK" blah blah blah. i'm just like jesus christ. we did soak them. (which we really did.) so she went on and on and on and on about it. and she was like "who was here last night? wheres jim?" i was like "kelly and rochelle, jims at home." and she kept pressing the matter "why isn't jim here? where is he? didn't you see him last night?" i just said no, and walked away.. went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out again.

i didn't even do anything, and i'm gettin bitched at for everything. i mean.. jesus. i'm goin to rochelles tonight, but i have to be back tomorrow night by 6:00. so i can help her "tag things" for the yardsale this weekend. i don't know. i have to get away because i'm gonna shoot someone in the fuckin head. (not you rochelle! ha.)

i hope i die in my sleep.

-x|x- fuck this.

a song

"I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself for it. So there's your psychoanalysis, Doctor Freud." -Kathryn from Cruel Intentions

I didn't really do anything today.. i got up at 11, and just layed in bed until 1. so i was being lazy. i got up and got a shower, and then i called rochelle and left a message, cause no one answered.. i got online and just did nothing then kelly called around 3/4 o'clock. i got a shower then we went down to the park for kellys aunts 25th wedding anniversary.. and we got bored so we went back home and got our bikes and rode them back down to mingo.. omgosh the walk back up this big huge hill was so bad. it took us like 30 minutes to walk up it! we were all out of breath, and sweating.. eww. "bike fest 03'" ahahah kelly.
we got home and got ready to go to richardson park to see casey. so we went there, at around 8:30, and got back home around 9:15
we're gonna go watch a movie in a bit. it's called "jewles" (based on a book by danielle steel) the book was awsome so hopefully the movie is just as good. i love reading romance books. they make you sorta just forget everything around you because you just get so tied up in the characters and whats happening to them.. it just kinda makes you feel good when you get done reading them. :)

-x|x- not all here

i'm back?
so i went to bethany beach with the 'family' we can say that i was miserable. i don't like the beach.. let alone with my family for a whole week in the same freakin house.. without being able to actually go anywhere.. (as in kellys house, or up my aunts, or over amys/rochelles.) but with jim there, it was a little bit better.. i guess.

all everyone wanted to do was go the beach.. and i'm not a beach person.. it just really upset/pissed me off that if i didn't go, everyone got mad at me. especially jim, and i felt bad. :( so i went and sat there, and read a book.. thank the lord for sun block, or i'd practicly be the color of dirt right now.. :( i hate getting sun. i hate it. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. hate doesn't describe it enough. i would be much happier white as a ghost.. so hopefully no one would notice me. haha but who cares..

we did some things.. i don't really feel like writing a huge entry detailing every day.. that would be pretty boring. but we went to the beach, shopped, jim and i got out 'old fashined picture' taken.. we look freakin so damn cute if i do say so myself. i'm gonna upload it on my picture album, so i'll make sure i put the link back up on here so you can look at it. i love it.. other than that, we didn't really do anything. i read a lot of books, and jim and i went the pool.. went for rides on the bikes there. he went in the ocean a lot. i just sorta sat and watched him. i don't like the water. i'd rather be sitting inside doing something like watching a movie.

but no use in complaining anymore. it's not like anyone wants to actually hear about it.

i think i've lost my "spunk"..?

hmm.. it's the 9th.. :-/ :(:(:(:(:(:(!!!!

-x|x- no spunk.

leaving tomorrow morning
i'm just sittin here.. i got off the fone with my baby jim. i'm sittin here starin at a picture of us that's sitting by my computer and talking to casey.. i'm hoping jim gets her really soon so i can just break down and cry on his shoulder. :)

i guess were leaving tomorrow early in the morning for bethany beach. (in delaware) we'll be back either the 9th or 10th.. (which is next saturday or sunday) thats a whole week. i'm so glad that jim's coming with me.. other wise i don't think that i'd even go. i hate the beach. i'm not a very 'beachy' kinda person. i'm more of a 'sit in the shade and read a book/listen to music' kinda person. but hey, what can ya do? hopefully jim won't make me go into the ocean to much.. i don't wanna get tan or anything. >.< we get the "den" which is cool, cause it's the only room downstairs. :-D besides the kitchen and the living room/dining room. so yay.

earlier today my mom my sisters and i went and got our hair cut.. i just got layers, it's a little bit shorter.. it's not really what i wanted, but fuck it. who cares? i can't believe myself because i almost started crying after sam got her hair done. it looked/s really cute.. and i just kept thinking to myself "why can't my hair look like thaT???" and i actually started tearing up.. i am seriously pathetic. getting jealous of my own little sisters hair? wtf, i'm dumb. but then again, everyone knows that.

i'll write when i get back.. i bet that'll be a long entry. ha.

-x|x- me

just bored




Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.

i hate younger people
if i had the chance to kill everyone in the grade down from mine, i'd do it in a second. i don't think that even 5 of them have any sence what so ever! they're stupid! jesus christ.. they all should just drop off of the face of the earth and eat shit.

I ESPECIALLY HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO SOME STUPID SHIT FOR ATTENTION!!! i swear to god, people that just "cut" for attention, give people that cut a bad fuckin reputation. it pisses me the fuck off. i mean, i don't ever talk about cutting.. ever, to anyone.. and it just pisses me off when people sit there and practicly SHOW THEY'RE "CUTS" OFF. get a fuckin life you stupid fucks!

jesus christ, you need to learn to be yourself, because there are a lot more people in this world with a lot more problems.

everyone just needs to stop doing things because you think it's "cool".. most likely what you're doing is pretty fuckin stupid.

-x|x- fuck off.

i woke up at like 10, and amy, her mom, sister and i went down the to the firehall to start doin shit for amys grams *suprise* birthday party.. but first we went to a couple different stores to get some other things that we needed (like balloons, and table covering and some other things) so we got those things and we went back to the firehall.. amy and i worked on covering the tables with the table covering stuff.. and we had to get all the same kinda chairs.. which doesn't seem like a big job, but it fuckin is god damnnit!! after a while we got tired of doin that, soo we started cuttin up the fruit for the fruit salad.. there is so much food for tomorrow. lol amy allison and i had a grape fight. it was fun.. lmao, i got hit right between the eyes!! (god damn you amy!! hahaha!!) later when we finally finished covering the tables, there was a little bit left over, and i was messin around, and made a cape for myself outta it.. oh man, it was great shit. haha.. we finally got finished with everything around 4:00.
we came home and helped amys gram wrap some baby shower presents.. lmao, SHE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH THE SCISSORS ACCIDENTLY.. haha anyways, later we went to wal*mart and giant eagle.. (giant bird.. haha amy) and we got the rest of the things that we needed for tomorrow.. so we came home, and made pretzel salad, and jim came down for a while.. then amy and i ordered a stromboli from kuzins, and then here we are..

jim's outside waiting for me to get done writing in here..

i'm exhausted.. ahh jesus.

life.. who cares anymore?

Personality Disorder Test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

xx.jena

just a survey
Part One: Personal Information

1. NAME: jena
2. SEX: female
3. BIRTHDAY: 2-22-87
4. WHERE DO YOU LIVE: pennsylvania
5. HEIGHT: 5'9 i think.
6. SHOE SIZE : 10 1/2
7. FIRST CRUSH: i don't even remember
8. PARENTS: darlene and jim
9. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty
10. WHATS YOUR SIGN: aquarius
11. WHATS THE FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU: quite, nice, easy to make smile.. lol
12. EVER BEEN IN LOVE: yeah.. i am right now.. jim<3
13. PUPPY LOVE: yeah, i guess.
14. HAVE A TATTOO: no, but i want one.


Part Two: How do you like your men?

1. BOXERS OR BREIFS: both are sexy. o_0
2. LONG OR SHORT: what the hells that supposed to mean!? lol
3. DARK OR BLONDE: both are cute
4. TALL OR SHORT: tallllll
5. 6 PAC OR MUSCLAR ARMS: -shrugs-
6. MR. SENSITVE OR MR. FUNNY: a bit of both (just like jim. he's perfect)
7. GOOD GUY OR BAD GUY: bad guy
8. DARK OR LIGHT EYES: light eyes
9. HAT OR NO HAT: hat
10. EARS PEIRCED OR NOT: doesnt matter
11. FRECKLES OR NONE: none, but a couple are definitly cute
12. STUBBLE OR NEATLY SHAVED: neatly shaved!!!! ahh!! lol
13. RUGGED OR SPORTY: rugged
14. ACCENT OR AMERICAN: american


Part Three: Foods

1. CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLTE: hot chocolate
2. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: burger king
3. COKE OR PEPSI: pepsi
4. ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: dr. pepper
5. TEA OR COFFEE: tea
6. MILK/DARK/WHITE CHOCALATE: milk chocolate
7. VANILLA OR CHOCALATE: vanilla
8. CAKE OR PIE: depends on what kind.


Part Four: Pick one

1. MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER: perfect lover.. friendship is part of love
2. CATS OR DOGS: dogs
3. 1 PILLOW OR 2 : two
4. W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES: water with ice, but nothing else.
5. TOP OR BOTTOM : top!!
6. WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL: fall/winter
7. SKIING OR BOARDING: i've never done either
8. BIKING OR BLADING: um, i don't like outdoor things.. lol
9. ROCK/RAP/R&B/PUNK/ALT/SKA/TECHNO/SWING/COUNTRY: rock, punk
10. NIGHT OR DAY: night
11. GLOVES OR MITTENS: gloves
12. DRESSED OR UNDRESSED: dressed
13. BUNK OR WATER BED: water bed. ^-^
14. MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG: go along
15. TRUTH OR DARE: truth
16. MTV OR VH1: mtv
17. OCEAN OR POOL: neither, i don't like to swim.
18. SHOWERS OR BATHS: mmm shower
19. LOVE OR LUST: love
20. SILVER OR GOLD: silver
21. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS: diamonds
22. PENCIL OR PEN: pen
23. SUNRISE OR SUNSETS: sunrise
24. BLIND OR DEAF: blind, i gotta have music!


Part Five: Favorites

1. COLOR: green, black
2. NUMBER: 18
3. SUBJECT: ..nothing
4. CLOTHING BRAND: black stuff. lol
5. SHOE BRAND: doesn't really matter.
6. SPORT TO PLAY: nothing are you kidding me?! hahaha.. me.. play a sport?! lmao
7. DRINK: alcoholic-- mikes hard lemonade and smirnoff.. and non-alcoholic-- orange juice, water
8. ANIMAL: dogs
9. HOLIDAY: valentines day, and halloween
10. FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: "i'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." - notting hill
11. BAND: have more than just one--- incubus, staind, fingereleven, our lady peace, eve 6, the used, nothingface, smile empty soul, linkin park, mxpx, kittie
12. MOVIE: moulin rouge - shakespear in love - girl, interrupted
13. PLACE 2 CHILL: don't really matter.
14. FLOWER: hmm.. white roses
15. PERFUME: i don't really know..?


Part Six: Future

1. HOW MANY KIDS: 2 or 3
2. COLLEGE: no
3. JOB: dunno yet.
4a. WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B/F OR G/F LOOK LIKE: jim.
4b. HOW DO THEY ACT: just like jim does. he's my baby forever and ever.


Part Seven: Would you could you? if so; who, what, where, why, how?

1. Move anywhere: maine with my baby jim
2. Dye your hair: i do it all the time.. different colors.. whatever i feel like.
3. Meet one famous person: don't care.
4. Live with one person the rest of your life: jim
5. Name one thing you love: jim.. he's my everything.
6. Name one thing that embarrasaes you: myself.
7. Do you like school? fuck no.
8. Do you like to talk on the telephone? only with certain people.
9a. Do you have your own line? no
9b. Can we have your number? no
10. Do you like to dance? lol sorta.
11. Are you scared to ask some one out? i have jim, i don't need to ask anyone out.
12. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? lol, yes! plenty of times!
13. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah, but mostly i just wish i would.
14. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? just one.. his name is mr. bang, oh, lol and jim.
15. Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? yeah, a couple actually.
16. Do you have any piercings? yeah, bellybutton, and ears
17. Do you wear braces? no, used to though
18. Do you consider yourself a good listener? yeah.. 98% of the time.
19. Can you swim? uh-huh. don't really like to though.
20. Do you sing in the shower? not anymore.
21. Do you think cheerleading is a sport? fuck no. fuck cheerleaders.
22. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah all the time.
23. What's on your ceiling? my lights..
24. What's you worst injury ever? i have a couple.. once when i was skating on ice with kelly and i fell and had to get stiches on my chin, and secondly when i spraned my neck!! lol
25. What's the hardest thing about growing up? being jealous, getting hurt by the people that you love -or used to love.
26. Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah, i do.
27. Have you ever been in love? yeah.. i am right now.
28. What are you wearing right now? my tank top that says "i have issues" and my joe boxers.
29. Favorite place to be? anywhere with my baby jim.

xx.jena

o0o0o
-sings- "with so many problems in her life, it really comes as no suprise.. she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break.. "

xx.jena