You just have to be happy. If you are everything else will fall into place.

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You just have to be happy. If you are everything else will fall into place.

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:: 2008 29 January :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Sorry - Buckcherry

Random shit
I took my watch off and put it down, and it's in a position that makes me think of a frog and it amused me.

Anyway, yesterday was my dad's 45th birthday, and today was Brooklyn's 4th birthday, so I've had more than my share of cake. I don't really like icecream, so I opted not to have it. I like Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, and things with almonds.
...
So, I lost my planner and I'm kind of freaking out. I have my life written in that thing and it's very vital to my existance.

I decided tonight in Biology that it's going to be the death of me. It's not really that hard, but I'm just bored with it and there's so much shit going on at all points in time that I just space out and stop caring. We have notes and worksheets and labs and discussions like all at once and it just like consumes you and you start freaking out trying to get everything done and there's no possible way for you to get it all done in one night. Then if you have a question, there's honestly no hope in getting attention because there's too many people in the class and too many things going on so ... fuck. It's just crazy and so I just don't care. I wanted to keep my 4.0 but it's just looking impossible and it's only the third week.

Also, my bottom right wisdom tooth is coming in and holy fuck. Ouch.

On the bright side of my hectic life, just a little over a month before I get to see Kell again. I'm excited. I'm going up there again, so ... yeah. I can't wait.

:: 2008 25 January :: 10.28pm

The Raven: Remodified
"once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404."

HILARIOUS.
/giggles

:: 2008 25 January :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: blah

I'm going to go buy something small and furry. Maybe a hampster or a gerbil. I thought about getting another rat, I know it's completely weird, but I like them because they're just completely awesome. idk though, I'll have to see how cute everything is and go on that.
I'm excited though, for a change. I've been kind of depressed lately.

Kelly was talking about going out with pJ and whomever else tonight I think, but I never got the end result on that thought, so I don't know what he's doing.
Anyway, yeah, cute and furry things here I come.

+Edit+
Furry things postponed until tomorrow :(

:: 2008 21 January :: 1.34am

This song makes me happy in an extremely sad way.

Lullaby - The Spill Canvas
It's the way that you blush when you're nervous.
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's about how you laugh out of pity,
'Cause lets be honest I'm not really that funny.
I know that you're shy, just let me sing you to sleep.

If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is close.

It's those pills that you don't need to take,
medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's your finger and how I'm wrapped around it.
It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded.
I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep.

If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is close.

While you were sleeping I figured out everything,
I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me.
Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins.
You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame.

(Oh)

If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is close.

If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is close.

:: 2008 20 January :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray

I wish Kelly was on, I miss him.

:: 2008 16 January :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Terrible Lie - Nine Inch Nails

Jacob is officially gone. He left for Mizzu at like 8:00 this morning, which makes me a little sad, but it's okay. My first classes were like... ugh. That's the only way to describe them. I don't think I like my English teacher, she was gross and stupid and all the assignments are retarded.
Biology is fine, but we took eight pages of notes in the first hour, did three worksheets, and a discussion. It was crazy, but I like it anyway.... except for the stupid vagina juices that are in there. Seriously, the class consists of almost nothing but old people, and they're all psychotic and stupid and the younger people are quiet. They also kept making fun of the professor, but he's totally cool so they're just retarded yet again. I want them to all fall and break their hips and gtfo of my class.

So... yeah. I miss Kelly. Honestly we like never get to talk because I'm a stupid whore and go places. Now that Jacob's gone my life should go back to normal, though I'll have homework.
Ha, I'll have him help me though. He's smart.

Oh, fuck okay I got a 2gig flash drive and Jacob has a shit load of music so I went and stole it. Well it got to like 1.13gig's and then said it was full, and we tried to do whatever but nothing worked. So, I get home and attempt to stick the shit on my wmp and it recognizes the files, but says ... something something. idk. I'm too annoyed to mess with it any further, but Thursday night this shit is going to work for me or I will kill it dead.

+Edit+
I might have possibly removed the songs from the flash drive and into a folder and I might have forgotten that I had done such things. It might work now that I'm not a dumbass anymore.

:: 2008 14 January :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Relentless - Jason Aldean

My class was canceled tonight because there wasn't enough people who enrolled in the class, so that kind of screwed me.

Tuesday
-English
-Biology

Wednesday
-Personal Finance
-Intro to Literature

Thursday
-Biology

It's not too bad I don't think, though the Personal Finance class will bore the shit out of me. However, I need it for my degree so there isn't much that I can do about it.

:: 2008 14 January :: 1.13pm

Happy birthday to Kelly!
I wish I was there to properly celebrate this with him.
/sigh

To Kelly:
Sorry I called you "bitch face" on your birthday :(
I love you.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2008 13 January :: 5.56pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: Don't Tread On Me - 311

Mom made a cheeseball, which she's like famous for because it's delicious and I'm eating it right now, while singing Spice Girls to Kelly and talking to pJ. Life is good and pJ is a squirrel.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2008 11 January :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Ashley Screaming. hah

I am in like a really good mood for whatever reason. Maybe because I've slept a lot these past few days and I'm all caught up and ungrumpy now. It's nice.
I start school Monday! I'm nervous. I haven't had any of the teacher's that I have this semester, and Ash said I had a lot of tough ones. Joy.
I'm excited though too. For once I feel like I'm doing the right thing, like I've got my head on straight and everything's going to work out.
I do wish that Kelly and I were together like every second of the day, but we're okay I think. At least I'm okay, sad and missing him, but okay. He seems okay.... I think he's okay. Ha.... freaked myself out.

:: 2008 9 January :: 6.14pm

The storm a couple days ago really really fucked up our road. We have two bridges out, like completely gone, and then a huge ass tree hit the edge of the asphalt and caused it to buckle, which allowed water from the creeks to go under it and so we have a huge section of road that has to be torn up because there's just huge pits in it.
It was totally the most awesome storm I've ever watched though. I sat outside for a couple hours watching the lightning, but then it started raining so I went in.

That's really the only thing that's happened.
Kelly's birthday is Monday, which is the same day that I start school so... yeah.
Also, I'm officially broke. I have like $30. It's totally lame.
I applied at Lowe's and Wal-Mart, and a couple places, so that should be getting fixed though. Not that I'll be making amazing money, that's impossible atm, but it'll be cash. Plus I'm expecting quite a bit of money back from school so... yeah. That's that.

Jacob goes back next Wednesday on the 16th, so that's going to be a little depressing. I won't see him again until possibly March, but that's all depending on what happens with Kelly and Ashley and the road trip. Really don't know.

I think I like broke my fucking hand in my sleep. Not really, obviously, but the fingers on my right hand are really sore, almost like I pulled every fucking muscle in them. idk what's up with that, but it makes typing a little painful.

Anyway, that's my life.
Oh, and Taylor ruins almost all of my nights. She's a constant noise maker and I hate it. I imagine bad things happening to her though, and that helps a bit.

:: 2008 3 January :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Born For This - Paramore

OMFG

....

and that's all. I'm really hyper atm and it's fun and Kelly loves me and all is good for awhile.
I'm super happy. I love him!!

/end girly moment

:: 2008 2 January :: 6.50pm

So I went and signed up for classes today. I ended up with 14 hours, which is two more than I wanted. I needed at least 12 hours to get my full financial aide, because I have to remain a full time student. Anyway:
- Monday -
Intro To Business - 3:30-6:15
- Tuesday -
(a) English 102 - 5:00-6:15
(b) Biology - 6:30-9:15
- Wednesday -
Intro To Literature - 6:30-9:15
- Thursday -
Biology - 6:30-9:15

So.... yeah
Other than that, dad's trying to get this car we have up and running again. After working for awhile I'll be able to trade it in and get something better hopefully. It gets like 40 miles to the gallon though, so ... fuck. But it makes me cry because it's like OLD and ... yeah.
Anyway, that's my life atm.
Kelly's still gorgeous and far away.
We're talking about Spring Break possibilities though. Fun fun.

<3

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2007 31 December :: 3.35pm

The only thing that excites me about the new year is that it will finally be an even number.

:: 2007 29 December :: 2.26pm
:: Mood: depressed

Re-Run
I don't really know how to put all of what's just happened and is currently happening in words, so I'll stick with Kelly is the most amazing man in the entire world, too understanding for his own good, and I love him more than anything.
I'm sticking around here until I finish school, I don't want to, but I'm aware that I need to. As ready as I am to be with Kelly, I simply cannot bring myself to leave my family yet. My grandparents are old and sick, my parents and I are getting along better than we have in my entire life, Ashley's ... Ashley. Taylor's scary, but I love her anyway, and if I moved away she would be full of resentment towards me, which I don't want because she is my sister, and Trevor's just the most amazing brother in the entire damn world and I don't want to miss getting to know who he is and having the ability to change it if I don't like it.
Hopefully everything will be better when I'm done with school, which I have a year and a half left of, then another 2 years. If I'm good by that time I'll take the next two years in Michigan, if we make it through this.
I guess it's like a little break from the seriousness. Breaks aren't so bad ... right?

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2007 25 December :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Shadow Of The Day - Linkin Park

We had a little family thing last night, we didn't open anything, which we got a PS2 and Guitar Hero 3 and we were supposed to have opened that but whatever, and once that was over Jacob called and asked if I wanted to go hang out with him, so I did and we went to Monett to Richard and Ben's again. On the way home I stole a road cone. It's amazing and I love it. It smells like dirt though.
I got home a little after 3:00 am, took a shower, set out cookies and milk because everyone fell asleep without doing so, and then everyone woke up for some reason and it was just crazy for a little bit, until like 5:30. I finally get to sleep, only to be awakened by Trevor jumping on my stomach screaming that Santa came at 7:00.
Then it was up and unwrapping presents -I got 2 movies, a 2gb flash drive from Taylor, which she had to have had help on because wtf on that one, a Very nice straightner, and 100 cash.
I then went back to sleep at like 8 until 11:30, got a shower and went to my grandparents (I got $50) and then back home to sleep some more until 5 then to my other grandparents. I got the Paramore cd, a shit load of earings that are gold so those go to mom and Taylor, my perfume, and some lotion.
At Grandma Prewitt's I was allergic to someone's perfume and my throat started to close up and my eyes were just like pouring water so I went home early. It was fucking crazy.
Other than that it was an uneventful day. I was very blah during it due to lack of sleep. It was nice though, I hadn't seen a lot of people in awhile and it was good to see them. I got hounded about going to Michigan though, which I could have done without.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2007 24 December :: 1.23pm
:: Mood: anxious

X-mas EVE!
Merry Christmas! And Have A Happy New Year!

nothing to report today, except for i cleaned all day LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY. ugh.
and the baby is moving ALOT. it's so uncomfortable, i want to cry sometimes, shes to big to be squirming around lol.. but i guess it's a matter of time!?!?!??!

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2007 23 December :: 11.11am
:: Mood: busy

December 23rd
I haven't been able to sleep great lately.. i'm 37+weeks and the baby was in head down position, now she's breech i think because my sides are wider due to her turning .. i hope she goes back to where she was it was so odd for her to change so late in pregnancy!?
i just hope everythings alright.. i'm getting nervous and excited lol
it shouldn't be to much longer, because i'm due January 9th anyways, so anywhere from now til then or sometime after Elise Renee Rogers will arrive to a Washington County Hospital near YOU! LOL.
other than being 9 months, i haven't been up to diddly squat, just cleaning and re-arranging and putting things up and getting things ready for Christmas on tuesday.. I'M GEEKED. i act like a little girl still when it comes to the holidays :)

i'm lonely sometimes, i never really do anything but inside stuff that needs done to the apartment, we still have no luck on finding a place to move into yet.. but we didn't give up searching.

i wish i had more friends, or atleast i wish some people would come around more.. i never see anyone, and i don't know if it's them or me?
i don't mind doing stuff but i grew up alot over the past couple of years, and matured WAY MORE than i was 10 months ago, life isn't all about getting drunk and finding some way to be high or have a good time.
i have more going on in my life now than i ever did.. and it's a GREAT change for me.
probably after the baby i might have a drink or 2 but not til i know i'm ready, and i don't think thats right after she comes.. so i'll wait alittle bit, but i know i need something lol i've been stressed out for MONTHS.

sometimes i get help with things and other times i don't. Me and lance are doing fine we get along and there's days when we don't but that isn't abnormal because everyone bickers and argues sometimes, i feel a relationship isn't a healthy one without it, because then you'd be quiet all the time and some things would never be expressed and just kept in to dwell on.. we get bored though due to nothing in PA is fun lol!! but were in love and it makes me happy; he makes me smile everyday and every hour.
he's truly my bestfriend.

Jena should be coming back soon, it's almost january!! i hope me and her hang out more when she comes home.. when we were younger we were tight as a noose lol. so i hope to get that back or atleast some awesome new memories n shit :)

well that's it for today i gotta get dressed and the laundry loaded up, going to the laundry mat, WOOOOO!

:: 2007 21 December :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Linger - The Cranberries

I've been running around a lot lately, all my friends are home for Christmas break and it's just like one get-together after another. It's been fun but I'm thoroughly exhasted. Fun's not over yet though, there's a party at Kandace's tonight, and tomorrow night Jacob, Tylor, and I are all going to Jacob's cousin Richard's house again.
Sometime's I want to just not show up to things, but I tend to do what's expected of me so that's how that works.

Mom and I got into it tonight. I was downstairs doing laundry and she was upstairs in the bathroom working on it (we're remodeling it) and she just started yelling at me over random things, and then we would quit talking, and then she would start it back up. It was like she was upset that we hadn't fought for awhile, because we haven't, so she just had to make it last forever. It was so aggravating.

How insane is it that Christmas is 4 days away? December went by so quickly and I feel like I've gotten nothing acomplished which is depressing.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2007 18 December :: 1.17pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Apologize - Timbaland/Onerepublic

Finals went alright, I ended up with an A in every class, though I don't know how I did in Computer Applications. It was removed from my list of courses on the school website for some reason, so I haven't a clue on that one.

It actually seemed like Winter around here for a couple of weeks, we got snow and everything, but now it's like 65 out and all the snow has melted. It's kind of depressing; we rarely get a white Christmas and they're my favorite. I had my hopes set on one this year but it doesn't appear I'll be getting my wish.

Today is Taylor's birthday, she's finally 13. It doesn't seem possible for her to be that old. I know that I'm NOT old, but it makes me feel like it. Like Trevor's almost fucking 9. That's ridiculous. It just really depresses me for whatever reason. Probably because I'm over emotional.
It's cool though, she's really excited and it's fairly amusing to see her so happy. Ashley and I are taking her shopping, plus I bought her a CD she's been wanting so... eh. It'll suffice.
I'm usually pretty hard on her, but I've been trying to let up. I'm easily annoyed and she annoys easily, so we butt heads all the time because she's an ass like that and I'm a bitch like that.
Whatever. It's a work in progress.

As per usual, I have to have an emo section about Kelly and how much I miss him so insert that -here-
He got me a gorgeous necklace for Christmas, so *feels special*

I do believe that is all.

Oh, I lied. I cut my hair. It's short, and if I knew how to bold things, I would do so to "short" but I fail at having that knowledge. It's like a little bob like thing, longer in the front than in the back, and cut at an angle. It's how I always wore my hair when I was in high school, but then I let it grow out. It's a little too short atm, but it grows quickly so I'm not too worried about it.
Kelly, I believe, has it in his head that I look butch.... Not the case. Granted, I look like a possible bisexual atm, but give it a month and it'll be longer and we'll be beyond that issue. Everyone seems to like it, I get complimented a lot on it, anyway. I just think I look better with short hair because my hair's freaking weird.
Ugh, okay, enough hair talk. That's lame.
BAI.

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2007 12 December :: 11.05pm

zomg Kelly totally fixed the msn/wmp issue.
<3 him

:: 2007 12 December :: 1.50am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Hungry Like The Wolf - Duran Duran

My hair's frizzy from all the rain and it makes me sad so I've been living with ponytails for the past week. I'm scared I'll have a permanent ponytail crease.

Two finals down, two more to go.
-I got 300/300 on my research paper that I waited until the day it was due to write... that was fucking awesomesause to the max.
Then I got the highest score on the final with a 168/200 which is SAD.
-I don't know what I got on my Political Science final. I feel like I did alright, though surely not good enough to maintain my A. I might be okay with that, depending on what I made.
-My final for speech tomorrow... fucking easy. Whatever, no worries about this one.
-Computer Applications... this one got split into 2 seperate tests. The first part we had from last Thursday to this Thursday to do it, and it was ... actually hard. We had to open a Word document and do all this shit to it, and the same with an Excel document. We had instructions that the teacher had typed up, but it was worded awkwardly, and she forgot words... it was just fucked up. I had to skip some stuff because it simply didn't make sense.
The second part is a written test over Word and Excel.
I feel like I got jipped in this class. I was taught everything that I already knew. It was supposed to be a more advanced class for people who were already fairly familiar with Microsoft Office, but there were these old hags in there who hadn't even opened Word. Whoever put them in the class was a fucking dipshit.
Plus, if you'll notice, I only ever said "Word" and "Excel"... that's only half of Office. There's still PowerPoint and Access. We briefly went over those, but... fucking whatever. The class was a huge waste of money, but I had to have it.
It makes me mad though, obviously.

Another thing that irks me is that my personal message on MSN refuses say what song I'm listening too. Soooo not a big deal, but it annoys me that I can't figure out why, and that it bugs me enough to even attempt and figure it out.

-end rant-
<3 you Kelly.

:: 2007 7 December :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Here In My Room - Incubus

Life as is
I've had a lot of weird shit happen lately that involves my family and people whom I consider family and it's all just kind of freaked me out.

Finals start Monday. I want to say that I'm ready for them 100% but... well I'm not. I have put sleep on hold a lot this week, and Kelly said that he was going to laugh when I fell asleep during the actual final and I'm beginning to wonder if that's actually going to happen. I'm completely aware that I need sleep, that I have to have it in order to function like something other than a zombie, but every time I lay down I'm like 'omg I can't possibly be thinking about sleeping, can I? I have to study for English and Political Science and Computer Applications. How on earth do you start a query on Access again? Oh hell, I better go look that up.'
It is madness. It is taking over my life. I cannot control it.

The only good thing going for me, as far as school goes, is that my teacher loved my final speech. We always say it the week before for practice and then give each other help and say what sucks and all that shit, and I was told to slow down (as always) but no one had anything for me, and my teacher pretty much promised me a perfect score on it if only I could slow down a bit.

As far as Kelly and I go... we're doing great. We always are. I miss him... a lot and I get bummed out a lot. I enjoyed my time up there so much and it's just hell being here without him and ... yeah I just miss him a lot.

:: 2007 29 November :: 6.21pm

Fantastically enough my computer is temporarily out of service. I need a new one soo effing bad, but I don't have the money to get one atm and my parents refuse to think that we need a new one because, "solitaire still works fine" and I'll be damned if you need a computer for anything other than fucking solitaire, right?
Dumbasses.

-Edit-
Yeah... so that took my computer guy all of 3 hours to fix and I've got my computer back. I had the Trojan virus and ... just fucking whatever. I'm so sick of this. Second time I've had to take it in, and it cost me $40. Last time I had to pay like $120 for all the shit John (comp guy obv) did, which included installing all this new junk on here and deleting shit.
I love my computer, I do, but I hate it more I think.

:: 2007 26 November :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: All The Same - Sick Puppies

I want to be back there so badly. I don't see how I'm going to be able to wait until around January to be with him permanently. It seems things will suck around here for awhile.
It was a great trip though, minus the flight screw-ups/delays. Shadow even let me pet him this time around which made me happy.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

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