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2004 17 June :: 11.51pm
i just talked to jim on the phone.. i told him that i just wanted to be friends and that we'd talk about everything when i saw him in person.
..we'll see
Fly high...
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xxinterrupted
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2004 17 June :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: rejected
i don't even know what's going on anymore.. i mean i think i broke up with jim, but he doesn't seem to think so. but what am i kidding myself? i'm nothing without him. we're like bonnie & clyde, peanut butter & jelly, spaghitti & meatballs.
everythings still going around all in my mind, jim.. cheating on me? i don't know; i never thought he would ever do something like that, because we talked about stuff like that.. but i don't know. when i asked the girl-- she didn't deny it. jim swears nothing happened;; that they were just friends and only talked. in a way i want to slap him and tell him to stop lying to me but in another way i believe him. i've been thinking about it all day, and i don't know what to do.
i've cried enough in the past 2 days. i just need to stop, whatever happened happened.
i guess it hurts the most because i always believed that he loved me so much but anymore even though he says he does; i don't know if he's just saying that because of the baby, or if he really does.
then i think about the baby and maybe he really does love me because my mom and i told him that if he wants out he can just leave, and he wouldn't have to pay for anything. and he doesn't seem like he wants to leave.
if he needed a friend, why couldn't he talk to me? he had to go talk to some girl all the time? we've been together for a year & a 1/2 and i'm having his baby for god sakes.
all i keep thinking to myself is that i should have broke up with him a long time ago when he stopped coming around. god just to see him i have to bend over backwards. he always seems to be busy, or never has a ride or just some fuckin' excuse! he hasn't been around for the past 4-5 months, i'm used to him not being around so it's not like that's any different.
..but i don't know
1 freebird |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 17 June :: 8.24pm
ooh big lightning
::scary::
2 freebirds |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 17 June :: 8.02pm
:: Music: atreyu - lip gloss and black
for the past like 4 entries i've been listening to that song lmao
like the new layout? not much diff but new quotes nd shitt nd a new icon...
"you're lipstick his collar, dont bother angel, i know exactly what goes on!!! and will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head.. this all was only wishful thinking...
why cant i feel anything for anyone other than you... i stay wrecked and jealous for this simple reason i just need to keep u in mind as something larger than life"... i like that song... taking back sunday...
andrew still hasnt called... if he doesnt im gunna text him tellin him to call me if hes still awake... like around midnight lol
i went to jessica's todayy omg i love her brothers lol all of them... nicky is the cutest thing on this planet nd dom kept asking us to test him on his times tables lol it was SO cute! nd im not gunna say frank was really cute too cuz hes only a year younger than me lol but hes a cool kid... he loves football nd hockey like me... he plays hockey... thats cool...
the truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt..
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 17 June :: 9.36am
haha i know all of my fav taking back sunday song "Cute Without the 'E' (Cut From the Team)" yup yup good song...
i was watching IMX once nd atreyu was on and they said that when they hear descriptions of their bands, they're always described as melodic... i didnt really know the band then but they really are melodic for a metal band... cuz i dont usually like metal i like punk nd alt cuz it's more melodic than metal... but atreyu... i LOVE them! oyy they're great!
last night after the awards me andrew georgie nd i dunno how u spell his name im just gunna guess u spell it eamon.. u know what, his new name is cool hair kid... im sorry i love his hair though... its the coolest thing on this planet... totally more cool than matt's hair... ok so me andrew georgie and cool hair kid went to baskin robbins after for icecream nd i wound up tellin andrew that i like u know who nd so later andrew calls me nd we're talking and he says out loud "why do you like georgie and for how long?" and im like i dunno nd not that long and all of a sudden i go "wait u just said that out loud nd cool hair kid's right next to you? (i didnt say cool hair kid i said his name but once again i dunno how to spell it...) and he says yeahh he knows and im like quoting him from when we got icecream "dun worry i wont tell anyone" lmaooo i dont really care cuz hes a cool kid and i dont think he'd do anything stupid but i was like wtf lol
shawn's gunna tell meghan today that it aint gunna work out between them... and he's not doing so good... he's upset he really really likes her... i feel bad... he needs a hug... i wanna be there for him i just dunno how... oh well...
andrew's gunna find out if he likes me.. im afraid of findin out he doesnt... even though sometimes it seems like he does... i dunno, since andrew knows i've like been nervous about it, im afraid hes gunna feel the way i do about adam since i know he likes me
omg i just realized after he finds out (which he will cuz andrew is sooo gunna tell him) nd after the convo we had last night hes gunna think im such a loser lmaoo oh well i dont care if he does too bad im not gunna be crushed if he dun like me... i can get over things easily... i got over shawn easily... why cant i do it again?
2 freebirds |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 17 June :: 9.35am
:: Music: atreyu - lip gloss and black
arent you tired of being weak? such rage that you could scream all the stars right out of the sky, and destroy the prettiest starry night every evening that i die...
Fly high...
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xxinterrupted
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2004 16 June :: 10.11pm
..i wish things could be like they used to
1 freebird |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 16 June :: 7.07pm
:: Music: atreyu - lip gloss and black
aaah! i bought the CoCa cd nd i bought the TBS cd!!!!! woot! and with the taking back sunday cd came a sample cd with 5 songs from different artists and what do u know... atreyu is on it... i screamed when i opened it in the car lol i was like omgg i LOVE this song!!! i bought a shirt w/a duck on it that says "duck tape" and the duck is taped w/duct tape to the shirt lol gotta go byeee
1 freebird |
Fly high...
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xxinterrupted
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2004 16 June :: 1.41am
:: Mood: sad
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice
Say goodnight as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me
Let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
Fuck I can't let this kill me
Let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 15 June :: 11.56pm
i realized it today... i dont need him... i like someone else nd besides he's crazyyy over meghan... he knows i like georgie anywayy so screw it lol he's like becoming a best friend lol we're talking about so much personal stuff tonightt... hes only the second person i told besides ali that i like georgie... ohh... and my journal lol but that doesnt count as a person... ohh well please comment...
2 freebirds |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 15 June :: 11.21pm
Syco540 [11:13 PM]: watchin the weather channel
Syco540 [11:13 PM]: i dont knoe y
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 15 June :: 7.52pm
:: Music: shes the blade - sugarcult
i had to get my physical for hs today... aaah! 3 shots lol... one was the TB another was blood nd another was i dunno some big medical word lol but aah i was sooo scared i HATE NEEDLES! ((most of you know that lol)) u gotta see my arm where they took the blood thoughh its soo nasty its really bruised... hmm what'd i do today... well i had my physical nd i went out to eat w/my mom lol nd then i was chillin w/shawn for awhile nd we had a water fight nd kaitlyn came nd i soaked paul nd he told me i better watch my back lol
i think i actually like georgie... i mean, yeah i like shawn but he doesnt like me so whats the point... he likes meg lol... but today i saw this kid that looked like him nd i really really missed him... eh forget it, i sound so corny... but i think i do like him... so yeah...
<3 i need a guy..
1 freebird |
Fly high...
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xxinterrupted
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2004 15 June :: 3.28pm
guys aren't worth fuckin' shit.
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 14 June :: 4.00pm
me nd ali went to lunch nd we were on 86th street nd i said we gotta stay out til georgie comes home nd shes like fine so wouldnt u know he got outta school early nd we see him nd georgie nd his cuz nd his friend walking by... so we hung out with them for awhile nd we went to andrews house nd played football nd while we're playinn he goes "were u ok that night at the dance w/me goin like this" nd he put his arm around me n i was like no of course not n he goes r u sure nd i said yeahh, im sure so he goes that was a crazy night nd i said yeah well jenn can be a lil overdramatic and he said yeah but the best part was with you... <3 i was like awwwww
1 freebird |
Fly high...
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lilkristen
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2004 14 June :: 12.15am
wow havent updated in awhile lol well jenn's ok she was really sick though... shawn likes meghan but im not totally disheartened cuz i told shawn i like him nd he said he used to like me he just never said anything so it makes me think theres a chance for him to start again nd we decided there was no awkwardness between us even though he knows i like him nd we talked from 83o til 12oo just text messaging lol omg its gunna cost me so much cash lmao oh well it was worth it... u know that feeling like u used to like someone nd u like someone else now but if that person liked you, you'd probably have feelings for them again? i hope that happened w/him cuz he flirted alot in the convo when he said he was goin to bed which was like 10 minutes ago lol =]
my party was yesterday nd the whole family was here + the longs nd wipfs + ali nd kait + shawn @ the end... i got alotta stuff i got a claddagh ring nd my name plate nd a walkman nd uncle stan nd aunt ann got me a REAL pearl necklace which looks unbelievably expensive nd nancy got me gorgeous earrings... patrick came nd chrissy went nuts lol she flirted nonstop but it paid off pat asked chrissy for her sn lol nd when paul nd dan came to pick up kaitlyn everyone's mouth's dropped they're like omg they're so hott! nd i just kept saying omg theyre like my own brothers lol ew... today i went to the movies w/shawn adam n meghan nd i didnt enjoy that part of my day cuz i sat next to adam which made me uncomfortable since he likes me nd im in love with his best friend lol but i really didnt like it cuz shawn had his arm around meghan the whole time nd i really wanted to cry but i didnt cuz like he was sitting 2 seats down lol but im ok with it now cuz he knows i like him nd i dunno.. its just like a weight off my shoulders it doesnt really bug me that he likes her cuz at least he knows how i feel... kelly called me twice during the movie so i called her when i got out nd she said sryy i kept trying to call but we're at a party across the street from ur house nd cassie's with me nd i flipped out cuz i miss cassie soo much so it turns out it was for the people that literally live directly across from me that i dont know lol so kelly let me meet the people that live across the street! lol his name's anthony nd hes my age nd i didnt know that a guy my age lived across the street lmaoo so i spent the night w/kelly nd cassie nd i saw jena n dora n ricky was there nd so was basketball ricky and i met jad and nicky and jana ((coughposercough)) nd i had alotta fun nd kelly got asked out by her friend that she likes and i met the neighbor across the street lol and i didnt get to say bye to cassie nd i met this girl who's so funny lol nd i met the neighbor across the street lol sorry im happy about that i feel proud lmao nd then i came in and ate dinner nd cake nd talked to shawn til about 25 minutes ago... im talking to ash from the rrc havent talked to her in a LONG time... oh well... me and jena r talking... i havent talked to her in awhile.. like a full conversation... its funny who u talk to at night lol i havent been on @ midnight in awhile... im gunna update... later!
4 freebirds |
Fly high...
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