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2003 25 October :: 7.46am
:: Mood: tired, and annoyed
:: Music: silence
i can't sleep. damnit
it's 7:30 in the morning, and i'm wide awake. what the hell? it's the weekend, i should be sleeping in. but nooo.. not me. not jena.
so much stuff has been going on.. actually just to much to write about. but i'll write a little about a couple.
we did go to georges interview on wednesday. the town is called sunbury. the houses are beautiful.. i think beautiful might be to dull of a word. we'll know by the begining of this week if george got the job, and if we will have to move.
jim and i.. lets see. to much to write about. so much going on. and just so much i don't even want to talk about.
the little town parade is today. aww. i'm not going. jim has to work.. i don't like going anywhere without him. so oh well.
andyfest is sunday. [it's like a little benifit concert with all kind of bands, because this little boy got hit by a truck and died.. and every year his family does this.] it's like hard rock, and heavy metal kinda music. it's definitly awsome. so i hope jim can get off work for that.. but if he can't, that's one thing that i'll go to no matter what.
i guess i don't really have anything else to write..
oh, i've been thinking about making my journal a friends only journal. only because i know some people that i don't like read it. =)
..but i'm not sure yet what i'm going to do.
i love you jim.
xx.jena
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lilkristen
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2003 21 October :: 5.43pm
:: Music: sum 41 -- still waiting...
omgg im so in luv w.himmmm....and then guess what i find out last night? that he hooked up with cori damn it...and who tells me? emily of course...while hysterical laughing...and then shes all 'oh im so happy for tim and cori' i was so pissed off, i told her i couldnt believe she said that and hung up on her...and then to top it off, lucy tells me about a certain dream she had last night...about the dance...and what happened between us there, and after...this was before she knew the were together though...she felt so bad after i told her...she was like omg...kristen...im so sorry...i didnt know...i told her it was okay...n it was...its not like she was rubbing it in or anything...but it just really dissappoints me... fuck i like him too muchh! i hope its not another relationship lasting as long as the one w/claire did...
Fly high...
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xxinterrupted
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2003 19 October :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: i was in a good mood, until my entry didn't save,
:: Music: cheap trick - i want you to want me
jim?
so last night around mindnight, jim called and we sorta got into a little fight, i don't even remember what it was about, but i was like "so do you think we need some time off? is that what you think?" and he said "yeah, i guess" so i was like "well if times what you want, then you have all the time you want." and i said bye and hung up the fone.
he called back a little later, while i was still crying [i didn't answer the fone.] and was like "jena, i love you blah blah blah i just don't know why you always get mad at me.. blah blah blah.. i love you so much, and i never ever want time apart from you. i love you so much, you can call me back even though i know you probably wont. love you, bye.." that was pretty much what he said, i probably left out a couple things, but it's okay, it was for me anyways, not for everyone else to hear.
i was crying for probably 30 minutes, before i got that.. then i fell asleep around 1 or 2.. he called at like 3:00, and i answered. we made up i guess, though i don't really remember what we said. but he did say sorry.. and that he loved me and everything..
today he called me before he went to work, and we talked.. but just for a couple minutes, cause he had to leave for work. and we just told eachother that we loved eachother and all that good stuff.
i was going to have my mom take us to the movies after he got off work, but he worked overtime cause someone got fired or something. so that screwed my plans for making up with him. [damn that person for getting fired. =(=(=(]
he came up amys around 9:30-10:00.. and we hugged, and kissed and all that good stuff. i love him so much. i can't even imagine not being with him. i don't even know what i'd do.. probably die.
this wed. he might go with us to the little town near harrisburg. [aww!] i can't wait to go. thank god i get out of school.
-x|x- jena
-----compared to what i wrote, and what really happened. this sounds like a fuckin fairy tale.
2 freebirds |
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lilkristen
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2003 18 October :: 9.51pm
i had no idea i felt this strongly for you...
and all i can do...
is hope that you feel the same way
about me...
you're the only one i can think about...<3
i love youu
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xxinterrupted
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2003 18 October :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: scooby-doo on tv
-hopefully moving-
okay.. jim had to be at work at four and he didn't call me all fuckin day.. it's 3:42 right now. so he probably left for work already. god. i am so pissed off.
To Die Alone
Your greatest fear is to die alone. You are
probably a very shy person. The thing you want
most is someone to understand you and be with
you.
What's your greatest fear? (images)
brought to you by Quizilla
george is going for an interview [for that job near harrisburg] on wed. and my mom and i are going to go with him to look for some houses. we need him to get this job so much. we need the money.. really bad. so i get to skip school wed. [thank god]
i came home from school early yesterday. fuck school. i hate everyone in it. why can't people just leave me alone, and not ask me questions?
xx. jena
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2003 18 October :: 11.31am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: silence
(more upset than mad)
"i'll call you when i get home from work" were some of the last words i heard from him before he left to go to work..
11:30 came.. no call.
12:00 came.. no call.
12:30 came.. no call.
1:00 came.. no call.
1:30 came.. no call.
2:00 came.. no call.
2:30 came.. no call.
3:00 came, i gave up and went to bed.
so, yeah. i am a little pathetic, waiting about 3 hours more than i should.. i knew past 12:00 if he didn't call, then he wouldn't call at all.. but you know me and my wishful thinking.
i woke up at 6:00 crying in my sleep. i had a nightmare.. though i don't want to talk about it.. i went to the bathroom, and then stayed up for about 30 minutes, because i checked my cell for any missed calls, or messages someone might have left on it..
jim's my whole world.. so what do i have left when he's takin away from me?.. nothing.
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2003 17 October :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: sad
he studied her for a long while when he walked in the door "you look tired," he said.
not tired, sad. she thought to herself, as she smiled and slightly shrugged it off..
2 freebirds |
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lilkristen
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2003 17 October :: 6.17pm
:: Music: ((in my head)) over my head, better off dead...sum 41
omggg i didnt realize how much im madly in love w/himm!!!!!!! emily asked him if he liked me, he said 'im not saying yes, im not saying no' n then when lucy asked him he said 'no comment' ((with a smile!!!!)), stuck his tongue out at her n walked away...still smiling!!!! aah! thats a big fat yes after all the stuff he's done for me lately!
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lilkristen
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2003 15 October :: 3.54pm
arghhhhhhh im asking tim some questions n im not getting straight answers!!!! but, when i asked him if he liked someone else he said maybe =D!!!!
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lilkristen
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2003 15 October :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: happyyyy
:: Music: sum 41, the hell song
omgg today rocked!!! we were down at the 68th field for the walk n tim put his arm around me 3 times!!!!!!!!! =D i was like 'i luv himm'...haha he hit me in the ass twice =P i made ali call him over n take a pic of the both of us...ima make her print it ((if her dad dont delete it...it was his camera!!!)) n blow it up n give it to me!!! ((as long as i dun look like a fag in the pic!!!)) aaaah i really hope he aint jus flirtin cuz he knows i like him...i really hope he likes me too...
Fly high...
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2003 14 October :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: the used - bulimic
not that it's any of your business..
just to clear some things up, about my last entry.. i wasn't talking about anyone that has a journal on here, or any of my "friends".
so, who ever left me that note. there you go. it clears that up.
apparently people didn't read the disclamer on the top of my journal. so read it. NOW. so maybe next time, you won't have a problem.
i'm going to go, shut the computer off because it's storming really bad.
xx.jena
p.s. i love you jim.
1 freebird |
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xxinterrupted
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2003 13 October :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: cold - stupid girl
..
no one feels sorry for you.
so don't try and make them feel bad.
7 freebirds |
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lilkristen
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2003 13 October :: 10.45am
:: Mood: boredd
:: Music: emily on the phone :P
movies!!! yayy! im getting tim to come! :P im wearing my sexy BLACK shirt for emilyyyy...omggg ali missed matt online this morning! shes gunna be so pissed off its not even funny..i told alex hes like whoa well im not telling her! lmao great now it has to be me who tells her
2 freebirds |
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xxinterrupted
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2003 12 October :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: limp bizkit - no sex
best friends.
I had this in my info on AIM:
some friends don't understand this. they don't understand how desperate i am for someone to say, "i love you and i support you just the way you are because you're wonderful anyway you are." they don't understand that i can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. i am so demanding and difficult for my boyfriends because i want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though i am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time.. not moving. depression is all about "if you loved me you would" as in if you loved me you would stop doing everything besides sitting here by my side and passing me tissue and asprin while i lie and cry and drown myself and you in my misery.
amy said this to me a couple seconds later:
asthesmilefades (6:56:18 PM): i love you and i support you just the way you are because you're wonderful anyway you are.
aww.. love you amy. <3<3
xx.jena
3 freebirds |
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xxinterrupted
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2003 10 October :: 10.31am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: teacher is talking
bad day
yesterday dustin [my brother] and i to the hospital to see my grandpap, and then went to wal*mart..
i guess my grandpap broke a bone right above his tail bone, and he's been in the hospital for about 3-4 days now.. i think. but he's about 87 years old or so, and he's not doing to good. my mom was sick, so she couldn't go- his blood count is down and he can catch any little bug that anyone else has. i hope he's okay, because it's just to early for my grandparents to die.. i don't even know what i'd do.
we went to wal*mart afterwards, and i got some poster board for jim and i's history projects. on our way out in the check out line we saw jen.. [my brothers ex-girlfriend..] so we talked for a minute or so, and after that dustin didn't really talk to me.. i feel bad, because i know how close they were. i mean they lived together for a little more than a year.. and i know he loved her. you could just see it in his eyes.
love sucks.
i got home and talked to my mom and george.. i guess george might get a job in harrisburg.. hmm, that's 4 hours away from where i live now.. and i don't know if i want to go. my mom said that if he does that the job, that if i wanted she'd stay here with me until the end of the school year.. ya know, just to finsh this year of school. and then i asked about jim. they said as long as he got a job and everything, they'd take him with us. so if we do move- as long as jim goes with us. i'm good. =D
[i've had some shit said to me about this paragraph. this does not mean i won't miss my friends. i'm just saying, as long as i have someone to fuckin go with me, i'll be okay.. god, i don't like being yelled at for something that people just don't understand, because i didn't write it clearly.. =/]
school today sucks. i'm in advanced word processing, and i accidently deleted this huge project that i did a couple weeks ago, and i need now to do another project.. so i'm basicly screwed. i don't even know what i'm gonna do. it'll take me forever to re-do the project. grr. screw it. i don't even care anymore. i'm probably gonna fail anyway.
jim isn't here. i am so mad. sometimes i don't even think he wants to be with me anymore.. he never calls me, and he's always working and everything. i don't know, maybe he's just busy.. maybe i'm reading to much into it. but whatever it is, it sucks. because i miss him.. and he's not even gone.
school pictures were today. ha. i found out yesterday. this school is so damn stupid anymore. they didn't even tell us. someone told me yesterday, and i was like "whoa, they didn't even announce it." haha. some people didn't even know about it, and came to school all scrubby and looking dirty. haha. i find it funny though. so i can laugh about it. =)
ahh yes. i'm making a gay site on geocites on yahoo.. haha. i'm not done yet, but when i am, i'll post the link so you can make fun of it =) woohoo.
yeah well i better go. i'm gonna see what i can do on my projects in this class.. god, i'm so behind!!
xx jena
2 freebirds |
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