it's not as though i don't want to be happy. content. that's all i want. there's a part of me that craves love, but i put up this gruff, insensitive front. funny how that works. maybe it's the asian thing, where i'm not supposed to show affection THAT way.

i've been going to punk shows to stay sane. the best evening routine: a hug, being whisked away to get soul food, eating collard greens and corn bread, patting our bellies as we walk out completely stuffed, heading to the show 3/4 mile away, dancing and having thumb wars and singing along, a hug goodnight, collapsing into bed.

i've been trying to convince myself that i'm not in love, that i can't fall in love. it doesn't matter. people i truly did love have passed on, passed away. it's lonely out here.

In The Name Of God...