ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 5 March :: 6.26pm
i would like to apologize. i am not antagonizing you. i know that i have made some stupid decisions, not because i was cruel, but because i was too childish to make my mind up. i am sorry for the way you had to suffer as a result of these actions. Please rest assured, I know what I did to you and I will forever live with that guilt. I should have stopped our relationship when i knew you would not make me happy. I should have known that you would do anything for me and not have underestimated that. I have been irresponsible in the past, but please do not believe that side of me will remain forever.
I AM SORRY for what I did and if I could apologize in any larger way I would. What is best for one another is to let go and to try try try to remember the good parts. I am going to stop looking at your journal and you must try to stop looking at mine.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 5 March :: 3.02am
if it makes you feel nice to say these things, then that is fine. you may tell everyone how small and false i am.
when i told michael i was still in contact with you, he looked offended and hugged me and told me it was no good. we are convoluted and i had to open my eyes and see it. beyond joseph, he is my best friend.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 5 March :: 12.55am
for my birthday i traded jackets and watched the sun come up
chiaroscuro
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 4 March :: 11.42am
friday is now a guarantee.
we are lovers and he plays better when he has a girl to play for, and i paint better with a boy to paint for. i'm starting a new piece next week. all signs point to yes yes yes!
ALSO: excellent cook. numnums are A+, and "will you spend the night sometime?"
hell yes. for the record i will never ever ever leave joseph!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 3 March :: 8.26am
sky blue still touches me in a way that nothing can. JE1's rendition made me cry, just sitting there, and Dan was on stage thinking of me and glancing over from time to time while Ashley and Mom and I linked arms and chatted happily between songs. I am having a wonderful week.
friday was the fritz and i barely made it at 1 AM after work but the band played extra funky when they saw me there dancing. then came the party with lots of new people and new social analysis and some other less sophisticated conversation. paulo, julie, ehron, and jon visited much to my surprise and stayed for almost the entire weekend in a tent outside the house as makeshift neighbors. Daniel and I were the very last two awake watching the sun rise from under a blanket and sitting inside a misty morning, hand in hand and laughing at everything.
My birthday was so large and loud! So many people came and it was such a lovely time, sans the headache in the morning. Catie and Rod even came by with reinforcements, and it seemed as though everyone I knew in Jacksonville was there to wish me well and spend a sunday night drinking strawberry margaritas. i have never felt as if i had many friends, but on my birthday they were all there to tell me they loved me, and i don't think they understand just how much that means. Daniel stayed the night when he had class at 10 AM and slept on the living room floor with me, soft kisses and big spoon and silly infatuation adjectives and verbs.
going to try again to see Umphrey's next week and roll. i love love love joey beyond what i thought my heart could stretch. thank you world for being lovely, although i will not thank you school for being so fucking hard!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 20 February :: 11.07am
Goodbye, Goodbye
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 10 February :: 3.24pm
Coldplay and tetris!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 21 January :: 1.25pm
"Look at a day when you were supremely satisfied at the end. It is not a day where you lounged around doing nothing; it is when you've had everything do do, and you've done it."
Margaret Thatcher
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 16 January :: 9.03am
ughghghgh i can't stop thinking about sex or more importantly having sex with you. it is awful.
4 comments |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 12 January :: 12.09pm
ode to jacob.
i'm not driving you home so that you can see the girl you hurt me for. i have done so much for you and your family in the past week alone and i am not your errand girl.
selfish ass. do not assume that i am driving you anywhere. i love your brother but i do not love you.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 11 January :: 10.50pm
miss you.
3 comments |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 6 January :: 7.09pm
How very wrong I was!
I really thought things were alright.
9 comments |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 6 January :: 7.01pm
"and i feel pitty for you for forgetting who you are
and at the same time i feel no remorse for you and hope you realize its not as easy as it looks. bitch."
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 5 January :: 12.24am
i do not care for the stars or their signs
i am discovering again my love for painting for smiling for laughing for dancing for existing and all of the feelings that once surged in my heart are coming back
i found myself over break
it seems that a window has opened somewhere
i still miss you and think of you daily. i'm not trying to hurt you or pull you back or whatever it is that you think i am doing. you can take my words however you like, but i cried to joe in the car over you. i still feel so strongly over you and that is how i know that what we had was very real and i will never forget you or let you go completely.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 1 January :: 6.18pm
i have not been online, i don't have internet, and last two times you called i picked up and there was no connection on the line or something. i couldn't hear you.
happy new year.
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