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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 3 November :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: This is the New Shit; Marilyn Manson

Blegh..
Uncomfortable silences haunt our conversations once full of your views on the world and hearty laughter. Now all is dead, your flower garden died and all that's left are the weeds.

Why do you use your problems as excuses? You never saw them drag me down like this, did you? And whay are you trying to be societies little puppet bound by the expectations of others?

You never used to care what they said about you as long as we had each other but you've become so hard to please, I'm trying. Seeds take time to grow, but I think they've all died, perhaps.

All I seek is the reason for your change. Like a butterfly you morphed, but maybe not into something more beautiful. You drag me down with your emotions putting your weight on my shoulders and I bear it without question because my heart cannot allow me to do otherwise.

Please stop being like this, I can't stand what you've become. Your constant griping and moaning. The world doesn't revolve around you even though you'd like to think it does.

Ah, but when you hold me in your arms... I never want to let that moment go.

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annalebelle

:: 2004 27 October :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: None

Angel
I am so not feeling poetic. But, hell, I'll try.
~~~~
She watches the world go by through her looking glass stained by the hatred she's too blind to see. She sits by, watching the world turn, society burn.

Does she care that little children cry of the boogie man when they go to sleep? Does it even matter what other people go through?

So stolid, so heartless. That's what they all say. But none of them know of her realistic facade. The mask she parades when they all ask if she is okay.

She smiles and nods and reverts back to her own thoughts, the only things that seem to even make sense anymore.

Around her the world is dying. People are loosing themselves in the beauty of artificial happiness. They are to blind to see. She thinks she sees the beauty of the world. The beauty of the hatred, the magnificence of the anger, the bitter-sweet taste of the sorrow.

In time the stitches left by the tainted hands of others will fade, but inside they will always stay. Threatening to wither, to consume.

Is she a victim? Or does she only enjoy the childish game of make-believe?

With one swift slice she could end the pain that gathers inside of her like morning dew. But she will prevail if only to prove she could be the thing they said she could never be.

An angel.
~~~~
Letting my mind go again. I guess I was feeling more poetic than I thought. ^^;

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 19 October :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: A Mountain; Good Charlotte

Once Upon a Time
Long ago there was a flower, a single lone flower. No other flowers could grow around if for the flower was covered with thorns and towered over even the tallest tree with only it's one single bud and poisonous leaves.

Alone it lived for a very long time, growing larger by the years. Still, only the one flower remained, never dying and never blooming. Just staying as eternally young forever.

Seasons came and went, but still larger it grew. It dwarfed the town nearby as one tangle of black vines, thorns all about it and only that tiny bud at the top, daring to rise to the heavens itself.

And in the shadows rose a single flower. Nothing special, it was small and miniscule compared to the giant mess of brambles. It grew higher and higher, but never rose above the unbudded flower, wrapping itself around the thorny stalk.

No matter how much the thorns ripped at it's skin, it continued to spiral around until the two flowers were intwined.

In that moment of perfection both flowers burst into bloom.



See what you make of it. It makes no sense to me, but you know.. whatever.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 10 October :: 3.51pm

With a soft sigh she awakened from her eternal slumber, snowy hair fluttering as her soul returned to her one more. She glittered as the angels only did and the heavens were envious of her. For a brief moment, her wings were wide and beautiful, unmarred, untainted by her blood. They vanished shortly afterwards and she was left as nothing but the demon she had been before.

No mirror to feed souls to to keep her power undefiable.

No renegade angel living within her, trying any and every way she could to break the seal and unleash heavens wrath on the Earth.

No, she was simply herself once again.

"Rise." Came a cold voice she knew all too well. But it didn't click in her mind as her feet acted of their own accord and made her stand up.

She was tattered and torn, though her body had healed. Without a word, she turned daintily and stared at the ground, deep indigo eyes trailing up the cream colored fur of a cloak all the way up to the baboonhead perched atop a male head, hiding his identity as he peered at her with those blood eyes he had. But she knew all too well who he was.

And she couldn't have been happier to see that evil, wretched, damned, arrogent, despikable bastard.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 7 October :: 2.59am

My Outlook on My Life in General
There is nothing much to speak on my behalf, my poetic soul seems to do much of the talking for me these days. More accustomed am I growing to these words that the lines and shapes that came so freely from these calloused hands now seems so hard and painstaking.

She spoke the words I wanted to hear. They formed so perfectly on those serpent lips, how could I even begin to see the lies intwined so perfectly into the threads of words that flowed like the river from those perfect lips of hers. The Goddess of Deciet is what she is. Maybe she cares a little too much about her love.. one can't function on superficial smiles and pretend kisses for long, can they? She has driven away any and all who have cared about her because she obsesses. The sweet silk that is her voice spins a web of lies and she is deemed untrustworthy. Perhaps it is reason for me to be wary.

But you know me.

Broken wings can never fly
And angered souls can never die.
Tainted hearts can never feel
And wounded minds can never heal.
The fallen angel can never return
The foolish child will never learn
The letcherous man can never commit
And the warriors defeat he will never admit
So tell me.. isn't life fucked up?

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 27 September :: 6.45am
:: Music: Somewhere I Belong; Linkin Park

This Always Happens To Me...
I put a bullet through me, shattered my stained glass heart. He said he didn't hate me, he just disliked me.. there isn't much difference when you get to that line, is there?

Crucifixtions from long ago came back to haunt the apology, he couldn't bear that I was not his. I wanted to stay friends, I did worry, I still care, but he said friendship was bullshit. Bullshit, huh..

I cried tears of black because this naive mind could not understand.. it could not comprehind the reason behind his illogical thinking though it so desperately tried. I couldn't understant why he never wanted to breath another word to me.. it was because of those damned crucifixtions that travel through time like bleeding wounds.

I know he'll never listen to what I have to say, nor can I speak the words that truely express my deep concern and worry for him, but why should I waste my time on one who doesn't care whether he's loved or scorned?

Great.. now the ebony sea is rolling with the tides of sorrow once again.

I just wanted to be your friend.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 20 September :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: guilty
:: Music: Down With the Sickness; Disturbed

::sigh:: I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I seem dissatisfied all of the time, nothing can please me anymore. I hunger for more, for perfection itself but even perfection is not enough. I expect too much from the people around me. I expect them to be flawless and when they're not I feel disappointed and angry that they could let me down.

I know it was wrong of me to be so angry at Trevor for something so stupid. I wish I could hug him and tell him I'm sorry, but my stupid pride keeps getting in the way. I worry about how I'll look, how he'll look. Maybe if we weren't in front of so many people. Maybe I will tomorrow.. I dunno. I don't want to embarrass him.. or myself.

I don't know what to do anymore, it feels like I'm a different person, I don't know myself at all anymore.

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annalebelle

:: 2004 11 September :: 7.39pm

Which Angel Sanctuary character are you? by Lyn





And the second result, thanks to Yue for finding these.


Which Angel Sanctuary character are you? by Lyn





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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 7 September :: 7.46pm
:: Music: Aura- Yuki Kajiura and Kouichi Mashita

Life just drags on and on..
Today was good, I guess.

Not weather wise, the sky was pouring forth endless torrents of rain all day because of Frances and the wind was ripping, pulling leaves from trees and branches and such.

We stand in the gym usually, in the morning before the bell rings and I was standing there. Well.. CJ and Kasey are going out. And now I come to find Sam is going out with Lacey. Damn hypocrite. He doesn't want me going out with him and he thinks it's so messed up and he goes and does the exact same thing. Not that I'm jealous, I could care less, really.

But Kasey won't shut up about CJ. I'm serious, every other word that comes out of her mouth is about CJ. It's almost as bad as Stephanie is with Daniel. Geez. Sorry, I'm easy to agitation I guess.

KB is also going out with Daniel, she dumped Tyler I guess. Heh, everyone has someone, I guess I feel kind of out-of-the-loop. But, I really don't want a relationship. I want one, but I don't. Confusing, I know. I'll be fine without one, but feel lonely and unwanted and bitch about it. Then when I get one, I constantly bitch and complain and it's so hard to please me, Nick knows that ^^;

Not sure if Chris likes me or not. I think Micheal likes me.. not sure on that one either. Why do I feel uncomfortable looking into the eyes of other people? Do I see more than I should? I wonder.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 6 September :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: loved

Nick
No one really understands the depth of my feelings, sigh. They all thing the Nick relationship is doomed. It will never work. They've tried online relationships before and they never worked out. Who's asking for your opinions? I'm certainly not. I don't want your advice, keep your opinions to yourself.

How dare you say it wasn't meant to be, that it's stupid, that I'm naive. How dare you condemn me, tell me it's not worth it, tell me it will never be.

I'll be the first to say this to your face, I don't care what you think. I really don't, so keep the bull to yourself. I don't care if we live far apart, Nick isn't a liar. He's never lied to me about anything and likewise, I've never lied to him. Maybe once or twice, but I always told him the truth, the guilt is too much to bear.

I love him with all the love in my heart, love that I've never felt for anyone else. Love that no one else has even began to imagine. I love him, God I love him so much. So don't say to my face that it won't happen, that he isn't the person I think he is. Don't TELL me those things.

You'll see, it will work.. We will make it work. We'll get there someday and we might be taking the long way but we'll get there. And we'll sit back, you all said we'll never make it and we'll just smile because we held on. We held on and came through in the end, we did, we did.

I love you Nick.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 4 September :: 8.50pm

I;ve been feeling really artistic today, I've drawn alot. Yeah, alot of crap. I dunno, everyone tells me it's so good and I guess I compare myself to others. I don't think I'm as good as other people and no matter how much I practice I can't seem to get better. Eh, that's a lie. I mean, looking back at some of my art, I've no doubtedly gotten better. Also learning how to use photoshop to help meh color things so I'm not always submitting sketches to deviant art.

I watched the second Inuyasha movie, it was pretty cool. Kaguya tries to seal Inuyasha's human side into her mirror so Inuyasha's true desire is fulfilled. He almost kills Miroku when he tried to put some sense into the growling Inuyasha. It took a kiss from Kagome and several flashbacks before he returned to reality. It was really beautiul, I think so anyways.

I feel like nowadays I've been really contemplating more than I should be. Fretting over things that are so silly, or so they seem.. but to me they are bothersome. Like mosquitos. And I can't get enough of 'Hero' for some reason. Perhaps it holds some special meaning? Maybe it's because it's true?

I know people who say that love will save us. God's love for us will deliver us. But how can this be? How can they really believe that? Look at everything that we do in the name of love. Stupid things. We kill and there's naught but bloodshed in love's name. So the world promised by love is nothing but a myth. Right?

Maybe there will be such a thing as peace one day. Real peace. But, alas, there will never be peace. There will always be some belligerant, some protestor that will want to rise against the good. Always. There will always be a person who sees the right thing as the wrong thing.

The only things that bring me peace are knowing the ones I love are alright. It gives me peace of mind. Nick brings me peace of mind, there's nothing he could ever do that would make me hate him. Even if he told me he hated me. Even he told me he doesn't want me anymore. I'm a hopless romantic, I'd love him even after he left, after he told me to my face he didn't want me. He's been there for me always and for every stupid mistake, though he was disappointed, he never gave up on me and I don't think he ever will. At least I hope he doesn't. I couldn't bear life outside of his arms, I really couldn't.

Maybe love won't save all of us. But as long as he's there it will save me. It will save me.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 4 September :: 11.56am
:: Mood: inspired
:: Music: Hero- Chad Kroeger

I am so high I can hear heaven..
I am so high I can hear heaven..
Oh but heaven, no, heaven don't hear me.

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away.

Someone told me love would all save us.
But how can be?
Look what love gave us.
A world full of killing and blood spilling.
That world never came.

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away.

Now that the world isn't ending,
It's love that I'm sending to you.
It isn't the love of a hero.
And that's why I fear it won't do.

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away.

And they're watching us
They're watching us as we all fly away.
And they're watching us
They're watching us as we all fly away.
And they're watching
They're watching us as we all fly away.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 30 August :: 4.26pm
:: Music: Stupify; Disturbed

Today started off well enough.. though I was limping because my foot hurt. I had on new boots that weren't broken in, so it was kind of.. hard. And some kid came up to me and said, "Hey, Limpy!"

I didn't even know him...

In art, Trevor was really friendly.. or, more energetic than he usually is around me in Art. I fake-punched him then had to kiss his cheek to make it better ^^;

I don't think Chris likes me as much as I like him.. it's fine, I can understand why he wouldn't want to bring moi home to his parents. They're like oober Christians supposedly.. they'd probably be putting holy water in my drinks and crap. It's get annoying after awhile.

Anyways.. I feel like drawing something. Dunno what, but something sounds nice. Ja ne.

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 29 August :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: amused

LAcey's house
I got back from Lacey's house yesterday but I was so sore and exhausted I didn't do very much.

We went to the movies in Newnan on Friday and she wanted to see Exorcist but I knew they wouldn't let us in so I wanted to go see Andacondas. Well, all through the entire movie, some jackass kept kicking the back of my seat and it was annoying the piss out of me. But yea, we left when it was over and we walked to her friends house, or where she thought he lived. In actuality, he lived alot further away. So we called him on a pay phone AFTER I sprained my foot running on the highway and jumping into some grass, and we walked almost a mile there.

There wasn't really anything that happened after that. We got Slappy to drive us over to the movies and sat there until her mom came and got us and when we got home we wacthed Jackass Season 2 and 3. Funny funny stuff.

Daniel came over Saturday. We sacrificed Barbies in our little upside down pentagram pit. We put ketchup on ourselves and laid by the road.. (don't ask why please). And then I came home with my foot all brown and swelled.

It doesn't hurt so much today, I can walk on it without limping too bad. Eh, oh well. It was my own stupidity for mismeasuring height.

I love you all, but I'm hungry. So, bye.

Little Dark Child

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AnnaLeBelle

:: 2004 26 August :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: My December; Linkin Park-Reanimation

I don't think I've ever put happy as my mood before, have I? All I put is depressed.. bitchy.. bla bla, etc, etc. Anyways!

My goodness, today was sooo lovely! Lacey(no, not the redneck that screws her cousin XD) invited me over her house this weekend! And I was like: "Well.." And all she had to say was: "Chris George lives next door." And I was like: "Okay, then!"

Ooh, for some reason he reminds me of Sharon, I think it's their eyes. Like, he's got those wide eyes that are light blue and they just kind of sparkle. So cute ^^ He's a skater, too. I plan to ask him if he'll teach me to skateboard without ending up on my ass.. e.e; I don't think I evr told you about that!

My dad gave my sister a ToysR'Us goft card for like $100 dollars so we went there and I was all lookin at the skateboards and there were a few people in that isle. So, I put my foot on it and leaned my weight on it and it just went "SHOOM!" right out from underneath of me and I was on my ass and I swear everyone was looking at me O.O;; Oh, well.

^____^ So, later!

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