ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 26 April :: 3.09am
i don't have a girlfriend, i just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 23 April :: 2.20pm
yes i do get that look in my eye.
please do not think i am weaker based on the actions of my past. my mind has not touched on that day in so long. remembering it to you and watching your face, seeing you huddled over, nauseous and asking me how i could do that to myself, was quite enough to handle.
i overcame that part of myself and the point of the matter is, i could never do it again.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 20 April :: 5.15pm
I am all pent up and wound tight and waiting to burst. I would say that I can see the light, but I just can't yet.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 15 April :: 2.33am
I am Citizen Kane.
Just love me, just give me your love and I will be happy.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 14 April :: 11.33pm
i don't want anything special. i am here to be. i don't lack these grand aspirations, i just don't want them.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 12 April :: 11.39pm
OH MY DARLING
You skipped your Easter mass for me this morning and we spent the day sleepily in each other's arms, blinking through tired fog at one another and smiling weakly. and tomorrow i'm going to hear you play with michael tillis at UNF. tonight i'm painting and watching Milk with Joe, and tomorrow Stevie and I are doing homework all day.
EVERYTHING IS BUSY and muddled and i miss my hamham and i'm happy but i shouldn't be. but still. i hope i'm doing well enough in school.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 12 April :: 10.37pm
god. i fell asleep for so long only to wake in the middle of the night. what a lonesome feeling.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 12 April :: 3.17pm
i miss hammy very much too. i cried and cried all night and in the morning when we had to bury him, it was like my stomach had dropped out of my body. every time i go to joe's and see the place where he used to live there it gives me a painful jolt.
happy easter.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 11 April :: 6.29pm
another week of hell. everyone loves cocaine except for daniel and myself.
i met a very strange man last night. he played the mandolin and when i sang he would say "loud! be loud!" and i would and he would lean to me and say "good JOB, girl," and keep playing the good hearted woman with myself and jamie singing the words, daniel sitting beside me and looking up and smiling every few moments.
what struck me was he kept playing until sunrise and had to head back to st augustine. i tried to give him directions and back him out of the crowded driveway, running back and forth, using my arms to describe how much room he had left. when he was finally in the street and ready to go, i told him it had been wonderful to meet him and to drive safe. and he told me that i was good song-writing material and he'd see me again and drove away.
it was lovely to hear at that point because all of the yay was not the best to be around.
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 7 April :: 3.13pm
woo! i tell you, school is not fun lately. i got mad at joe this morning for begging me to come over last night, but i was mad for nothing. he just wanted to see me. i was only angry because he slept through class and i don't want him to miss. he does so well and if he'll fail because of anything it will be absences. and i'm jealous that he has more free time than me. at least i'm not bored. i should be in the computer lab at this second working on my walk cycle, but i'm taking a break. i know from my 3 hour lab class i'll be going straight to work, and from work back to here to do my homework, and up at 9AM again to repeat. and how am i going to finish a painting by this time next week when i have to creative flow or desire whatsoever?
http://www.gigasize.com/get.php?d=r8l2m0zx4kc
kurt elling, amazing, with unf je1 last year. danny playing guitar!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 7 April :: 12.29pm
fuck, you're in three classes, can't you get up for one of them or understand that i'm too busy to hang out when i'm taking 5 and working at the end of every day?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 6 April :: 11.09am
cuddlefest 2009!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 1 April :: 4.51pm
the drawbacks to having three best friends who are all very close, one of which I am romantically involved with, is that there are no secrets.
so last night, when I called Joe wanting a private best friend conversation, mike was sitting right next to him and overheard the entire conversation about how i had to call 911 at work because josh collapsed on the floor clutching at his heart, and how worried and stressed i was and how i hadn't heard from dan in 3 days and was sure he didn't like me.
these delusions were not realistic, nor were they related at all to josh's condition, but were a result of my altered mood and state of being. nevertheless mike overheard the entire conversation and does not understand me to the extent that joe does. he proceeded to call me today and administer a long lecture about how busy dan is, that dan does in fact "like me," and that i am a silly girl with silly needs. he also told me that my ordeal at work was nothing to his lifeguard experiences (although i had never cared to compare the two, knowing that there was no comparison) and told me every horror story he had ever experienced, finished with a slightly condescending, "dan is BUSY, jocelyn, don't you understand that?" and said his farewell.
ugh joe please notify me when you are not the only one listening to my rants! please!
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 30 March :: 12.54pm
stick to your convictions.
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