JustADreamer
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2004 15 November :: 3.35pm
I feel like screaming. I don't know why. I think I'm going crazy. I can't remember a lot of things. Maybe it is just because I'm a teenager. I hope so. I feel like writing but I am so messed up now that I can't even get one idea out without letting it get jumbled in with fifty others. This really.. sucks (for lack of a better word).
Was I even here for the last week? Of course I was, but what did I say? What did I think? I can only remember bits and pieces. I guess it might have been because I was sick. When I get sick, I get frustrated easily. When I'm not sick, I get frustrated easily. What's it matter?
I'm looking for something that I'll never be able to have.
So, in the meantime, I'll just look for something right quick through my old Woohu journal entries.
I found somewhere where I'd described myself in ninth grade year. Most of it is true even now.. Although I wonder if I lose my temper so much now as I did then. Probably do.
Oh, wow. I found journal entries from back when I was with Kei, er, Chris. Oh whatever. I'll call him what I called him then. Kei. I didn't think I felt that strongly about him back then. Maybe when you're younger, it's easier to pretend that your feelings are real, so you trick yourself into believing them even though they may not be true.
Back then I was Mei. Am I Ashley now? Not Mei? ... Am I still Meiko? Am I still Li-Li? Did those people only exist back then? Li-Li, I think I am still, since whenever I do speak to Skye, she still calls me that sometimes. Meiko.. That was a really long time ago, or so it feels. Those were good times though.. I want to go back to middle school. Less responsibility, schoolwork wasn't so hard, nor was it so important.. Now everything we do determines which college we get into.
My head is starting to hurt, which I really don't need it to do. I have to start on my work again soon. I think I can make it through until Thanksgiving break.. Four days this week, since I missed today, and two or so days next week. I think. I don't remember very well.
I'm so stupid. Why did I have to get sick last week, and miss a whole week? Why didn't I just keep myself healthier? Why can't I finish my makeup homework? Why can't I remember?!
Er, sorry. Apologies.
Aw, I remember when I used to say 'freakish.' .. Didn't I used to say 'der' too? Oh well.
I feel like wearing makeup. I -never- wear makeup. Ever. So why now? Do I feel like hiding away from the real world? Is this even the real world? I think I live in my mind, making things out to be bigger than they really are. Every single thing has to have a meaning for me, hidden or apparent. I overreact even now.. That's kind of.. amusing.. Isn't it?
I didn't plan on typing out such a long journal entry.. Sorry, whoever's reading this.
... meh... I feel weak again. I hate it when I feel like this. I feel like crying.. but whenever I need to.. I can't.
Anyway, I think I'll go do something else for a while.. I really want to hear 'Ocean Breathes Salty' again. >_< I really like that song.
.. Maybe I'll change my journal layout.. It's too.. bright.. and happy.. I don't care, Tawney. I don't need color. Blah.
Be safe, everyone.
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JustADreamer
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2004 10 November :: 11.08pm
I opened this window about 3 or more minutes ago. Then I started sneezing. Oh wait. More sneezing on its way. Or maybe not. Wait, wait.
Don't you hate it when you're about to sneeze, and you really need to sneeze, but then it just fades away? I do. Come back, sneeze! I need you!
Sickish. Cold. It' evolving... O_O It went from a sore throat, to .. whatever it was, to a bad cold. -twitch- Medicine is supposed to HELP right? >\ Makin' me miss almost a full week of school. If I stay home tomorrow also, is there any reason to go on Friday? Even if I get better? o_O
My teeth are stained medicine grape. No, I mean it. I can hardly take pills as it is, and with a sore throat? Hah. So I've been stuck with liquid medicine. It's either Robitussen "cherry" [Yeah. Right. Cherry. O_o..] or some other type "grape." Sorry, I prefer real grapes.
But, hey, at least this whole being sick thing is making me not eat as much. Not hurting me too bad.. >_>
Okay. It's starting to get hot. And I can't take off my socks because that would be too much freedom. Darn it. If I don't wear socks, then I'll get too cold (even though I'm sweating o_O), and if I get too cold, I'll get worse. Most likely true, but I don't have to admit that.
10:14.. Maybe I'll go lay down and reread some Anita Blake book. Start over at the second one, seeing as I don't have the first one? =D
Ah. Choo.
I wish.
Okay, I shall finish this sickly rambling thing I've got goin' on here and go prop myself up in a most-likely-warm room with a nice, gorey book. Hurray!
Okay, bye-bye.
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JustADreamer
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2004 6 November :: 4.24am
Dunno if I ever really told everything there was to tell about my parents planned divorce in my fifth grade year. Let's look at what happened.
Fifth grade year, right near the end. I come home from visiting Traci (my old best friend) and they sit me down on the couch. "Ashley," Mom said, while Dad just sat there on the couch looking at the wall or whatever. "You're father and I have decided to get a divorce."
"Okay," was all I pretty much said. Walked into the kitchen and I could hear her say, "It'll hit her later, what's really going on."
I don't think it ever did. Still hasn't, in fact. Mom, Jody, and I moved in with Jamie and Bethany, Asa moved to Florida to his real mom, and Dad lived with Tobey, I guess. I finished my fifth grade year there, at Tatum. I only cried about it once, and that was because the stupid counselors were making a big deal out of it. I did it just to shut them up, I think.
So, the end of fifth grade year. Sometime during the summer, Mom, Jody, and I move into our own little house. Mom and me had to share a bedroom. Jody got his own. Jody worked with Jamie and Pizza Hut and I think Mom worked at a convenience store. I started school at Pine Tree Middle School. Oh man. The math was advanced, English, everything. Three or four homework assignments in each class.
During this time, Dad had found a girlfriend. Barbara was her name. I didn't, and don't, like her. -Shakes head.- It wasn't because it was some weird woman sleeping with my Dad, it was just because.. I just had a bad feeling about her. She was nice enough.. Just.. Eh.
I stayed with my Dad on the weekends. J.J. lived with my Dad. J.J. was my puppy. I loved him so much. Sometimes we'd give him a bath and bring him to the little house in Pine Tree.. Mom was always happy to see JJ.. JJ got smart in that short amount of time, and he was always overjoyed to see me.
I remember near the end of my sixth grade year, Mom went out for a drink with Dad. Things happened and we ended up moving back in with him, in the trailor I currently call home.
And now here we are.
I actually can't remember too much of my sixth grade year except my best friends were named Ashley, Ashley, Shaina, and Shay. (Seriously, Ashley M, and Ashley K. ((I'm Ashley E.)))
I don't know why I wrote all of that.. I just felt like writing something.. Anything.. in here.
Anyway, I'm just going to go lay down. Probably take some more medicine.. Hopefully sleep. I don't really want to do anything this weekend.. nor go anywhere.. Maybe next weekend the people who wanted to come over this weekend will show.
For some reason, I was under the impression that it's 3:37 AM on Sunday.. Odd.
I was wondering why no one had called.
All right.. That's all.. that I can put in here right now anyway.
Good night, or day, or whatever..
I'm beginning to get a headache from thinking, hah.
"Don't think too hard; you'll hurt yourself."
Indeed..
Indeed.
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spud
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2004 1 November :: 8.53pm
favourite food adventure
"i have a little walk from my covered wraparound porch to the boardwalk along the beach. the boardwalk is pretty well beaten down, and in disrepair. it doesnt really serve much purpose, or get much use. and those that use it like the rugged feel of the rotting wood beneath their feet. i find that it always gives me a sense of vitality that i can't get from much else."
that may have been one of the greatest things i've ever written.
"the view from the ridge is fantastic, and at any time of year, the breathtaking sunsets are enjoyed by myself and the few visitors that brave the trek from the main road and park.
it's soothing. quiet. gentle. i enjoy watching the clouds. and on cloudless days, i can spend hours staring at the sun."
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spud
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2004 1 November :: 7.10pm
http://www.michiganvw.org/gallery/displayimage.php?album=16&pos=65
oh jah, oh jah, babay!
too bad the mirth mobile is temporarily out of commission.
anyone know where i can get a techtonics motor mount?
and by anyone, i'm assuming beaver's the only person who would possibly read this and have any sort of clue.
but, given the response it got on mive, i don't anticipate anything more on here.
hope everyone's having fun.
i'm just tired. and behind again.
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JustADreamer
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2004 29 October :: 6.32pm
:: Music: Castles In The Sky ~ Derb
New Journal Layout.
Song modeled after:
"Castles in the Sky"
Do you ever question your life?
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams
All the castles in the sky?
Oh tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
Please tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
That's pretty much the way the song goes. It's a song from this dance party CD.
Someone told me my layout was getting old and I needed color. And I know.. It's bright.
Not sure how long it'll stay like this, but for now, I kind of like it.
I've been listening to Incubus alot lately.
Oh.
It's just now hit me that it's the weekend, which means no school tomorrow, which means I don't have to sit around doing nothing tonight. I might go outside and visit the kittens (then wash my arms and face because of my allergies).
Does this layout look okay? Tell me what you think.
I want your thoughts.
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spud
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2004 26 October :: 6.25pm
i still want it.
http://www.michiganvw.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=9537&highlight=
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spud
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2004 25 October :: 8.20pm
because seven ate nine! get it?
apparently not.
looks to be a fairly promising week.
better than last week, at any rate.
not that last week was bad. just too bizarre, and waay too busy.
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JustADreamer
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2004 24 October :: 4.15pm
:: Music: Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers
They are redoing the floor in my bedroom. They tore out all of the old carpet and they're putting down plywood so I won't fall through the floor of my own room. Maybe it'll be flat now.
[/start]
I was out shopping for a doll
To say the least I thought I'd
Seen them all
And then you took me by surprise
I'm dreamin' 'bout those dreamy eyes
I never knew, I never knew
So take your suitcase
I don't mind
Baby, though I meant it
Everytime
You don't need to compromise
I'm dreamin' 'bout those dreamy
I never knew, I never knew
But it's all right..
Everything
Will be all right
[/end]
I like The Killers. I like them alot. They're getting close to being one of my favorite bands..
Funny, I don't even know what my favorite bands are anymore. I really don't. It used to be Coldplay, Guns N Roses, and A Perfect Circle.. Now I really like The Killers.. And Shinedown is awesome as well.. And I adore "Finding Myself" by Smile Empty Soul and "Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven.
I guess I don't really have a favorite band overall.
Hm.. I really should be working on my makeup work from all of those days I missed..
I will get it done. I'll probably go shut myself up in my room with some music and do it all. I'm not really looking forward to writing that story.. I don't have one specific story that stands out from my life. I'll most likely end up making one up.
It's not a good thing to hold a grudge against people for things they can't fix and never meant to do in the first place, but I can't help it.
Alice 19th is quickly becoming one of my favorites series. It's a great manga.
Oh, and I have the fourth book of the Anita Blake series. I don't have the first one, but I've read it. I'm still reading the third one..
All right. I'm bored of typing now. I think I'll go read or something now.
-Ash
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JustADreamer
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2004 19 October :: 8.48pm
:: Music: Touched - Vast
Meh. The breathing machine didn't help my wheezing last night. Scared the crap out of me. So I cried. I haven't cried in a long time.
I..
I looked into your eyes and saw
A world that does not exist
I looked into your eyes and saw
A world I wish I was in
Heh. Funny.. Really funny.. Thanks for my habits.. home slice.
I keep remembering things at odd times during the day.. I still regret nothing.
And though I doubt he even reads this anymore, I shall say one thing.
Thanks for the e-mail.. the only communication we've had in months.. and it was nice hearing from you again.
Perhaps now.. Aheh. Maybe I can now.
-Hic.- I'm sleepy-ish. But not really. I don't want to go to bed. Oh! It's only 8. Bwaha.
I want to play Phantasy Star.. but it's not as much fun alone.. =\ Aye, well.. Perhaps I shall go seek out a conversation with someone. Dunno who.
Hope everyone's happy. Unless, you know, you don't want to be.
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spud
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2004 18 October :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: sedate
Free Cell
still wanna buy that car.
still know i'm not going to.
still have to do all those college applications waiting for me upstairs.
still numb from this afternoon.
it's a good numb.
like phil said, "mellow."
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spud
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2004 10 October :: 9.49pm
hey.
the rabbit that's in my picture is up for sale.
anyone wanna loan me $4500?
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spud
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2004 10 October :: 9.34pm
yep
tuwang128@hotmail.com says:
yo yo
tuwang128@hotmail.com says:
my name is K-dogg Kev Love
Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird-reptile ... and she teaches pre-K! EERRAAAK!! says:
yeah, whatever bitch
tuwang128@hotmail.com says:
my full name is K-dogg Kev Love Showanama Jodaddy
Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird-reptile ... and she teaches pre-K! EERRAAAK!! says:
i'll show you JoDaddy!
Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird-reptile ... and she teaches pre-K! EERRAAAK!! says:
it's my body, and i'll do what i want!
tuwang128@hotmail.com says:
hahaha
tuwang128@hotmail.com says:
oh that was good
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spud
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2004 7 October :: 5.10pm
hey.
i'm not going to argue.
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JustADreamer
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2004 7 October :: 2.42pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: In the library listening to people talk and laugh
Grr.
Stupid people tell the stupidest jokes.
"That's not stupid! That's funny!"
Yeah. Uh huh.
"How do you put an elephant in a freezer?... You open the door and put him in there!"
.... No. That's not stupid at all.
I feel like watching Inu Yasha. Don't know why. I've only seen a few episodes. Oh well.
It's fourth period. We had to do this nice, long packet. There's only a few people done. The people that ARE done didn't really try too hard. I'm finished. I worked with Laura, and did most of the work. Didn't really care too much on a few of the questions, like how you're supposed to get a political answer out of a story about prose and poetry, and how they are natural and carefree. I'd like to see the "teacher" get answers to those questions.
I'm actually ready to go to fifth [and last] period. English. "Woohu."
I think it's raining.
I keep coughing. And coughing. And sighing, trying to breath deeply. It's not working. I'll be glad when I get to go to the doctor and get whatever I need. Two reasons for the doctor's visit. The only one I'll share willingly is the fact that I probably have asthma, and need an inhaler/to get diagnosed or whatever. Bleh.
All right. I think I'll go see what Laura's doing.
Now.. Time to waste space.
Moulin Rouge rocks.
Fruits Basket rocks.
Suki is not cool.
Neither is.. er.. What's it called.. Don't remember. Oh well.
OH! By the way, whoever's reading this.
What do you call a liar who lies all the time? I can't remember. It's like.. A something-liar. Grr. I can't remember. Been trying to remember it all day long. Okay. I lied. It's only been since the end of lunch.
Almost time for the bell to ring.
I think the rain stopped.
Bye.
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