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SOMNAMBULANT RAMBLINGS

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jedibumblebee

:: 2023 24 June :: 9.59pm
:: Music: Fall out boy- this ain't a scene it's an arms race

At night we're painting your trash gold, while you sleep/ Crashing not like hips or cars/ No, more like p-p-parties

I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
Long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I wrote the gospel on giving up (you look pretty sinking)
But the real bombshells have already sunk (prima donnas of the gutter)
At night we're painting your trash gold, while you sleep
Crashing not like hips or cars
No, more like p-p-parties
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
Bandwagon's full, please catch another
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah, whoa oh oh oh whoa oh
All the boys who the dance floor didn't love
And all the girls whose lips couldn't move fast enough
Sing, until your lungs give out
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (now you)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (wear out the groove)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (sing out loud)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (oh, oh)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate

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jedibumblebee

:: 2023 11 June :: 8.19pm
:: Music: Panic! At the disco/ viva Las vengeance

I don't want to be anonymous/ but I don't want to be you...
hut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Hacking at my feed, act like you are me
No one really cares (really cares)
Nothing's really real, no one really feels
Nothing to declare (to declare)
I don't wanna be anonymous
But, I don't wanna be you
In a city full of promises
Nothing rings true
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Giving up the key to paint a masterpiece
What am I doing here?
Stuck here in the weeds
On a road that leads
To nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere
To nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Every moment is a replay
I'm being buried alive
Didn't wanna kill the DJ
But it can't hurt to try

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koalalady

:: 2023 7 May :: 12.53pm

- can't have effective gun control laws, innocent lives aren't worth protecting
- can't protect the legal right to abortions, women can't be trusted to make their own decisions
- can't go back to school to pursue a new degree, school is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too expensive
- can't afford to go keep going to therapy, insurance doesn't cover it

Things I can do:
- save for retirement
- put effort and time into my rock band
- creative writing exercises
- help my dad get a better life
- keep singing in my community choir
- block my mother and move on with my life
- try out for a community theatre show
- yoga and punching bag workouts (making a big difference!)
- limit alcohol consumption (making a big difference!)
- text my friends back (good for mental health)
- play video games (fun)
- keep working on this interfaith coalition for reproductive justice

Yes the first list sucks and there's a lot wrong with the world, but the second list is keeping me going. I'm not going to roll over and die because of the first list. I'm going to keep fighting.

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koalalady

:: 2023 28 April :: 2.51pm

Rehearsal last night was a blast. I think I'm in! We have another rehearsal next Thursday. I'm pretty stoked for this.

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koalalady

:: 2023 26 April :: 10.57am

Ah - it still stings, how much I miss you.


jedibumblebee

:: 2023 21 April :: 9.29pm
:: Music: Panic! At the disco- this is gospel

Don't try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive/ 'Cause I won't give up without a fight
This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories

This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart

Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet

If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart

This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart

This is gospel for the vagabonds
Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards
Confessing their apostasies
Led away by imperfect impostors

This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart

Don't try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive
'Cause I won't give up without a fight

If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart

The fear of falling apart
The fear, the fear of falling apart

(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart

(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart

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jedibumblebee

:: 2023 20 April :: 11.19pm
:: Music: Bleachers- I wanna get better

I miss the days of a life still permanent
Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room
Calling my name and I follow just to find you
I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather
And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause
I frozen time between hearses and caskets
Lost control when i panicked at the acid test

I wanna get better

While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love, the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars

Hey, I wanna get better!

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better

I go up to my room and there's girls on the ceiling
Cut out their pictures and I chase that feeling
Of an eighteen year old who didn't know what loss was

Now I'm a stranger

And I miss the days of a life still permanent
Mourn the years before I got carried away
So now I'm staring at the interstate screaming at myself

Hey, I wanna get better!

I didn't know I was lonely 'til i saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better

'Cause I'm sleeping in the back of a taxi
I'm screaming from my bedroom window
Even if it's gonna kill me

Woke up this morning early before my family
From this dream where she was trying to show me
How a life can move from the darkness
She said to get better
So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet
And I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away
That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself
Hey, I wanna get better!
I didn't know I was lonely 'til i saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better

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charlie

:: 2023 19 April :: 10.02pm

Matt Hinton was an artist.
So, in full disclosure, things aren't well.

I'd been struggling with some stuff for a while. Work stuff. Scared about my parents and kid getting older. Midlife crisis stuff. I'm 40 now. I joined this site when I was 18. That's a legacy.

Anyway, stuff got kind of bad and I took a short Pine Rest Vacation last month. I'm doing my middle aged millennial thing now. I read self help books. I see a therapist. What we all do. I've been getting by and telling myself that I'm doing alright as long as nothing major happens.

Then today the news broke about Matt. Matt held a special place for me in a sensitive time in our lives. A time when Woohu was thriving. That's why I'm posting here. This seems like the proper venue.

I'm upset that we drifted apart. I suppose that can't be helped. We went to a concert almost exactly seven years ago. He seemed to be doing well and we had a blast.

Along with the therapy stuff, I've been Journaling. I want to compose my thoughts over the coming days and write him a proper eulogy. In the meantime, I felt I had to publicly cope like this.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with mental health, the Partial Hospitalization Program at Pine Rest can be helpful.

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koalalady

:: 2023 12 April :: 6.36pm

I booked a rehearsal with an alt rock band based out of Raleigh! Here's the set list I get to prep:

Valerie - Amy Winehouse
Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac
Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Linger - The Cranberries (Lake Street Drive version)

I sent them some old performance videos and recorded a very low-effort version of "Valerie" and they liked it enough to invite me out for rehearsal. I'm pretty excited!

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justadreamer

:: 2023 5 April :: 12.08am

I'll have been on this site for 20 freaking years this August.

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