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| imation (profile) wrote, on 7-30-2002 at 2:57pm | |
| Current mood: sore Music: jack johnson Subject: slow down everyone.... you're moving too fast |
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| last night was a night of.... discoveries. maybe more self-discovery than anything but i also discovered some things about aaron... and lowell.. and allie. as with allie, i didn't want to hang out with aaron last night. too much seriousness. i just wanted to kick back and make dinner and talk and laugh... not try to figure out his every move, and what to avoid and what to take in... i didn't want to figure anything out last night, but i ended up figuring out a lot of things. maybe it was because i had such a great time with lil during dinner, and then got so seriously thrown when she had to leave, that put me in the bad mood. or maybe it was because allie seemed like she didn't want to be there, or the fact that aaron just cant be... he just can't chill. maybe it was all of those rolled together but by the end of the night, i was just... angry. everything aaron has said lately has contradicted something he said in the past. i started to realize that. the things that i realized about myself were just sad things though... i think i'm one of the most selfish people i've ever met. use and lose is an understatement... i just can't explain it, but i tried to say it to allie last night... at like 2am... and i think she got it. now that i know that i can "get" aaron... my attraction to him is slowly losing ground. he's still hot, and funny.... but me wanting him is almost nonexistent anymore. and once i started thinking about that.. i started thinking about other people i've like in the past... and most of them have ended up in the exact same way, although most of them we stayed friends. but. the desire just.. disappears. except for one. lowell. maybe its because i never fully realized that i could "have" him or maybe its beccause... he's so different from every other guy i've ever met. the desire.. the... attraction has never dwindled, only intensified since i know him so well now. aaron again... i don't want him anymore. i just don't. i want to be his friend, and that's it. he invited me over to his house tomorrow night to spend the night... no rents at his house.. and my dad doesn't care about stuff like that so its all green lights from here. but... if i knew that he would just want to hang out, watch movies, and talk i would be all for this... but. i know that's not the case. ehhhh... i guess its just something to do. somewhere to go. but i've gotta figure my head out. before the days over. |
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DayDream | 07-30-02 8:56pm You'll figure it out Ray i know you will. You always do. I wanna know all what happened when i get back ya hear? heh. Aaron's a tricky kid and i'm so glad we both realized it. Last night for me it was like wow, i really don't like this kid " in that way " anymore. And that was that. I'm with ya. I love the "chase" or wut not when it comes to relationships. That's the best part. But we both caught Aaron, well sort of. Which is kind of...i don't know what the hell it is but we managed to do it heh. Don't worry this week, or even when you go back home. I'm gonna miss you and i look forward to seeing you and Elyse when you come back. I'll call you the second i get home. I love you babe.
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