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| shiznit05 (profile) wrote, on 7-28-2003 at 9:25pm | |
| Current mood: gloomy |
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| worst 4 days.....EVER friday i hear that bernard has basically taken his last turn for the worst...he wasnt doing well at all and he basically refused to take any of his meds because he was just sick of it all and ready to go. friday night i had the girls out to camp in the backyard...that was a lot of fun, we stayed up talking about every subject under the sun until around 2. we had visiters (herringshaw hess snyder carr and nelson) at around 1130, they scared us (mainly megan) by throwing apples they stole from my grandmas backyard....nice one guys, sara and i spent the morning picking up apples, lucky for us apples float when thrown into pools lol saturday morning we end up waking up around 7 because the tent blew over...we had some strong winds, just as we crawled out from the tent, my mom came walking out of the house with the phone saying bernerd had died at 1:15 that morning...what a beautiful way to start out the day...im doing ok though, i havent cried yet, but wait until tomorrow at the visitation. went over to bernards that afternoon after spending the morning with the girls, we had fun, we made name thingies for each of our cars, very sentimental....when i got to bernards i walked into picking out the caskets...not something i really wanted to hear but i survived, we got the funeral arrangements made and sat around and talked...it was all very lovely bernard was one hell of an individual, and im really going to miss him, i dont know whats gonna happen at thanksgiving, we always have it at his house and you always walk into the kitchen with him sitting in the same chair, by the same window, with his rum and coke, smoking a cigarette, with the purified oxygen tubes hanging from his mouth...he wont be there to make wise cracks about me not having a boyfriend, and that when i do, i have to bring them by the meet him...God forbid if i dont have his approval...now im never going to have that approval...he will never meet my boyfriends...i'll never know if they are to his standards...tomorrows visitation, im going over with my mom at 115 before it starts so we can be there with just family..thats gonna be when the tears start, im a sympathetic crier so once someone starts...probably my mom or grandma, im gone....the funeral's gonna be wednesday at 11...i checked the forecast..its gonna be sunny and warm, which is good, bernard wanted to die when it was warm and he wanted to be buried in a turtleneck...i think we're also putting some liquor and cigarettes in his casket...may i remind you he died of lung cancer...i'm gonna cry at the funeral because im going to miss him, and im going to miss spending time with him...and frankly i dont care if thats selfish and i dont care if you think its stupid, call me ignorrant or whatever you want, there will still be tears coming from my eyes |
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sushininja | 07-30-03 12:26am It is not selfish Britt, you have lost some dear to you...I know how it feels, so do many others, because they have all lost someone...hell, I just started crying... |