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| Atman (profile) wrote, on 35-14-2002 at 5:10pm | |
| Current mood: amused Music: Some country crap Subject: I found this on a website. Check it out! |
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| Revenge has been a basic human motivation since Noah sailed his ark past the drowing jerks who picked him last in high-school Phys Ed, and yelled, "Good luck on the swim team, f*ckers." Life as we know it is completely based on revenge. It all started with Adam and Eve being expelled from paradise (Thanks a lot for blowing it for the rest of us.) for eating an apples. Does that not reveal to you a vengeful God? God likes vengeance. God encourages it. He's kicking people out of paradise for eating apples. Turns out, God is a touchy cosmic Korean grocer. Oh, and by the way, for those of you who are not of the Judeo-Christian persuasion, just think of revenge as "induced karma." My general rule of thumb when it comes to revenge is to not give in to my first impulse to throw a punch. Primarily, that's because the only guy I can beat up had his birthday announced by Willard Scott this morning. But sometimes enough is enough. The other day I'm at Denny's, and I order two eggs and three silver-dollar pancakes. The waitress serves me THREE eggs and TWO silver-dollar pancakes. So, I very calmly whipped out a can of lighter fluid and torched the entire establishment, all the while humming the tune "Disco Inferno." Everybody's life is chock-a-block full of opportunities for revenge. The death penalty is society's ultimate form of revenge, especially if you fake the guy out and make like you hear the phone ringing just before you throw the switch. Even in what's passing today for our leaders, the urge for revenge festers like a clamhouse Dumpster on an August afternoon. Bush's enitre presidential campaign was built on settling a score. His father lost to Bill Clinton in 1992, and he's still pissed. For eight years, George Senior was seething over his loss to that smirkin, two-timing two-termer. Everybody knew it was only the Texas governor's mansion like the the ghost in "Hamlet", screaming, "Avenge me, Dubya! Avenge me!" I think our goal shouldn't be eradicating human beings' need for revenge as much as it should be refining it. Be creative. Ladies, you really want to get back at a man for dumping you, it's very simple: get his new girlfriend drunk and go to bed with her, than call him up and tell him how great she was. He'll simultaneously be so pissed off and insanely turned on that you'll short-circuit his brain and his wee-wee in one vengeful masterstroke. By the way, if you do try that, please submit to me a detailed report on what you did. Can you send me a video while you're at it? So, summing up, just think of revenge as an indispensable release valve for an incrasingly pseudocivilized society. These days, Americans feel they have only two options when someone has harmed them. They can beat the s*it out of that person, or they can hire a lawyer. Hey, I got a better idea. Let's kill two birds with one stone. Next time somebody does you wrong, go beat the s*it out of a lawyer. |
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sugarmouse0587 | 03-14-02 6:39pm You're a funny kid. But GOD kicked Adam and Eve out because they disobeyed them. It was just punishment.
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spud | 03-18-02 8:58pm dude. you are freaking hilarious. it is my belief that your sense of humor isn't appreciated enough by the public. you would be a decent comedian. funny. FAIRLY intelligent. it just might work. and i have to disagree with beans on this one. |
Atman | Re: Yeah, I wish, 03-20-02 7:54am You nor Sugarmouse noticed I got this off a website. Well, not all of it. Some I throw in. Not the stuff in the parenthesis, just stuff I threw in. Nobody seems to understand this stuff but you, me, and Sugarmouse. Everybody else thinks I'm pretty weird. If you don't think I'm weird, comment and tell me so! If you do think I'm weird, I don't give a rat's ugly fury behind. |