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| caffeinatedjazz (profile) wrote, on 11-11-2003 at 12:37am | |
| Music: cursive - staying alive |
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| well, i survived. i smoked up and got drunk with ned and a bunch of his townie friends saturday night max, eve, olivia, jackie, bari, gwyn, matt. conor + alcohol + pot + shitty head teeth. gah. ow. um. way to go. for my first time. i'm such a failure when it comes to girl. and that night was everything i thought i wanted. i survived a really intense breakdown last night. worst i've had. so i tried going to bed but i wound up laying in bed shaking and flipping out for an hour or more. sometimes i think i should talk to mr. tuckman. rosser always told me i should talk to someone. but it's the type of thing where i wouldn't know what to say. i'm not constantly or consistently fucked up. i just have real shitty lows sometimes and anxiety attacks. or at least thats what marisa called it. i dont know what it was. i talked to harvey. that was good. something new. someone new. someone new in my life that i know for a fact won't fuck me over. not that too many people try to fuck me over. or bother trying. jeff's mom. r.i.p. i'll be at the service. i gave jeff a bunch of songs i've been working on. i wanted to give it to him a while ago, but my burner broke. i gave him bari's copy, which i said i was gonna give to katy. my hickey's almost gone. ice really does the trick. i dont think my parents noticed. the dutch east india exchange was supposed to have practice sunday. about 12 people. well, it didn't work so it got cancelled as me and jacob were on my way. so we hung out with john mccarthy at his house. i played bass in a band situation. even if it was crappy. john's good at piano. i have a really fuckin good ear. and i felt good playing. i miss lucy. but i dont know. last time i thought i wanted something i got it. pot, alcohol, and head. it all turned on me. i thought i had good intentions. i'm starting to question myself more and more. like..am i really self-absorbed? i dotn know where my priorities are. maybe i should worry about myself before i worry about others. but that'd be selfish. theres enough conor-love to go around. i just wrote a 5 page american studies essay. i'm spent. i'm out. goodnight. i love you. whoever bothers to read this. |
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andthenyoudie | 11-11-03 12:56am I read it. Aww, Conorrrr. |
caffeinatedjazz | Re:, 11-12-03 1:17am you're a doll. |
| Anonymous | 12-02-03 8:59pm I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU! |