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| sendmemoney (profile) wrote, on 3-25-2002 at 9:12pm | |
| Music: sister hazel - all for you Subject: ..:..Finally..:.. |
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| somebody i talk to online asked if i write stories, and i replied that i have never attempted to. seeing as how you have all read my poetry and realized it sucks, i will now post my first story, so you can realize it sucks. i would have just ignored his comment and posted another lame poem, but right now i do not know if i want the whole world reading what i am writing, as people read my journal even if i tell them not to. here goes. *~As she ran her fingers over the scars, she remembered. Memories in pieces floated through her mind. The screaming, the tears, the frantic dialing of the telephone. After that, all was black, until the next day, when she had to face her family members and explain her actions to psychiatrist after psychiatrist. Several bottles of pills lay hidden and untouched in her bottom dresser drawer; pills she had saved to sell to classmates and refused to take. Alone in her room for the first time since that dark day almost one year ago, she cried. She hated the façade. Hated having to wear long sleeves to continue the perpetual lie. Hated making up reasons for her visit to the hospital that day and her weekly visits to her psychiatrists. Maybe one day..., she thought. Maybe one day they will all understand. Understand that she can not stand the pity and that is why she always keeps a smile on her lips. Maybe one day somebody will look at her eyes and realize that they do not sparkle the way they used to so long ago. Realize that they will never sparkle again. As she sat there, thoughts whirling in her head and tears streaming down her cheeks, with nobody to call and slowly becoming aware of the fact that nobody cared enough to call her once in awhile, she considered the possibility. The solution to end all the problems that had plagued her for so long. The option that had never really left her mind, though she had so frequently said that it had. With the path already paved for her, all it would take was a second, and she would never again have to smile. Not that she ever had any reason to ... her mind made up, she glanced around her room at pictures of friends that she had barely said five words to in the past week and the boyfriends who had never cared for her. With their encouraging eyes upon her, she took a blade to her wrist and traced over the lines. Rivers of blood caressed her skin like silk, comforting her and acting as a cataract to evoke the first real smile in over two years and the realization that she would finally be at peace.~* |
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lastangelspoken | .excellent., 03-25-02 11:44pm that is so sad, but very good. i love how you use the colorful words and imagery to make the story sound like a poem. oh good, i am sounding like an english teacher. you get an A+.. it is the best i have read in a while.
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| sleepitoff | Re: .excellent., 03-26-02 6:39am great ending. bye.
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sleepitoff | 03-26-02 6:40am that wasnt meant for a reply. love you.
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| Anonymous | Some words, 03-26-02 10:36am Thank you for telling me about your story. I read it and thought it was very good, definitely a step up from your poetry. The language is a lot smoother, and the thoughts are less jarbled. You give a unified feel a lot better, and the emotions are well expressed. Good work! If you want to continue improving, I would recommend writing about situations and/or flashbacks. The girl could just be about to cut her wrist and she remembers something--a boy dumping her, a father beating her. Or you could just show how she deals with a typical day at school and then comes home to cut herself. You don't have to entirely elimninate the internal monologue, but adding a little more action seems like the next step to take. Keep up the good work!
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sendmemoney | Re: Some words, 03-26-02 7:46pm wow, thanks guys. i thought everybody would hate it. kiersten - yay. my first A+ in english since kindergarten or something. and don - coming from you, it makes me feel good. thanks. bye. * |
sendmemoney | Re: Some words, 03-26-02 7:46pm wow, thanks guys. i thought everybody would hate it. kiersten - yay. my first A+ in english since kindergarten or something. and don - coming from you, it makes me feel good. thanks. bye. * |
| Anonymous | i love you, 03-28-02 6:05pm i think that was one of the best things i have read ...beside my sex book..it was very very good. ii think your poems are really good as well...you are just a very very good writer as oposed to me..i suck but i love you !
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