12-04-03 11:40pm

you should delete the extra entries...


jen...i dont think your mum really knows how to be a mum...i think she tries, but you tend to push her away too...ive noticed it kind of goes both ways...and i know that she (meaning mums of all sorts) get obnoxious sometimes but my mum just feels dejected, and goes to wine and cigerettes, contrary to your mum who gets defensive and pissed off...which is something youve picked up on. when someone outwardly pushes you away, you immediatly feel unloved (a natural reactions), but also defend your actions rather than just accepting how they feel. its bad cuz if both you and your mum cant accept how the other feels, you arent very compatible. thats why you and i are more friendly toward each other...weve both learned to accept the other's emotions and, even though it took two and a half years, learned to trust each other. your mum spent so long away from you, not being mum...that you learned thats all there was...and now that shes around, you push her away because you feel like youve been pushed away all your life. so in turn, she pushes farther...and so on. i dont know...thats how it seems to me. it took me til now to get close to my mum. i dont know...if you want to be loved, you have to give people the chance. you know what am saying...ugh youre going to take that in the wrong way...but you do tend to push people away. you sort of want them to love you unconditionally...as long as.....too late...its conditional...do you know what am saying? ::sigh:: ill try to explain if youre confused.

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Re:, 12-05-03 4:58pm

i know i push people away. i'm confused though. i don't understand what your saying

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Re: Re:, 12-05-03 6:37pm

and you think i remember...ill figure it out tmro

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