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| emo414 (profile) wrote, on 12-14-2003 at 9:11am | |
| Current mood: you hold the pieces to me broken heart - crushed Music: n'sync - girlfriend remix Subject: all for nothing |
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| i have found out that i have been doing this all for nothing. i have been putting myself through all this crap everyday for nothing just to watch you move on with someone else and have a different life. why couldnt you just tell me. i told you i needed to know but for some reason you still couldnt come up with the balls to tell me the truth to tell me that in your comment when you said "we have become best friends" you meant it and that thats all we are now. you couldnt come up with the courage to tell me it wont happen again because you were probably scared of what i had to say back and that "no matter what you will always have feelings for me cause i was your first love" but what are those feelings if they have changed. they really dont mean shit. who cares if you just want to be my friend i have plenty of those and the reason i held on to you was because you were more than just my friend you were my love and you still are because my feelings havent changed and they never will but like u said i should know when it is time to move on and i know that now is the time. goodbye forever. | |
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LindseyEthatsMe | 12-15-03 4:51pm thats my boy. i love you ryan- and thats a true statement. i guess SOME of us say "i love you" only when we mean it, and know when we meant it. the best thing to do is try and move on- obviously all Alex did was make you miserable...and plus, she'll use you if she knows that you still like her because she'll think she can have you whenever she wants, and will believe that she can always come back to you- and thats not the way it really is, is it buddy? nope. i guess she'll learn. we all do eventually. i love you ryan- and am so sorry one person could cause this much pain. im there for you through everything okay? but you know that...
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Anonymous | Re:, 12-16-03 10:33am Alright, I wasn't going to comment but now I think that I should. I was very angry when I read your comment last night Lindsey, but for fear of saying something I didn't mean, I didn't comment. the only thing I feel that I need to say is this. Do not ever EVER assume that I didn't love Ryan. You have no right to say that I didn't, or that I didn't mean it when I said 'I love you' to him. If anything, I mean it more than anyone else ever could, so for you to assume that I didn't mean it is totally wrong. Also, although I can very clearly see I'm not making his life very happy right now, I don't think all I've done is make him miserable. Plenty of our memories are great even though we do have our bad ones. You weren't in the relationship, so don't think that you know it all just because you're Ryan's friend or whatever. I realize that you're just trying to make him feel better or whatever, but that doesn't make it okay for you to think that you know exactly what went on with me and him or what exactly I've been going through with my emotions. If I have done nothing but make your life living hell Ryan, then I'm sorry that I thought I did more than that. I'm sorry that I can't love you the way that you want me to right now. If you chose to not believe anything I've ever said or that I say, then fine. Its your decision. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, so I won't pretend that I do. All I know is that I wouldn't take back anything that I've said or done with you. Realize how much you mean to me. Lindsey, realize that I don't do all of this to hurt him. |
Anonymous | Re:, 12-16-03 4:42pm btw, that last one was from Alex, if you couldn't tell. |
LindseyEthatsMe | Re: Re:, 12-16-03 4:56pm Alex- listen this is getting really stupid- us typing like paragraphs to each other on ryan's journal with nothing good to say. listen, if it makes you feel better im sorry for saying what i did. maybe i was out of line- personally, i dont think i was. ryan has told me a lot about you guys' relationship and what all went on so im not completely out of the loop. i mean when i say stuff about you to him its usually just going by what ive been told- but in that i know that not everything that is said is the truth and can be exaggerated. so apologies. BUT- one thing i dont think you get is that like, i dont hate you or anything so if thats the impression you got you were wrong. yeah i get mad at some stuff that you might do or whatever because as you know me and ryan are close, and friends get mad when others hurt them. you know that. because speaking of which, everytime i write one of the comments i do, i always can hear mary vance chatting away about me to another one of her friends in gym. listen, thats cool that you and mary vance are friends- or whatever you are- i understand that when i make you upset, you're gonna tell your friends what happened and they're gonna be mad at me- just like i get with ryan- so i respect that and stuff. but please- tell mary vance especially that if she's gonna talk about me, that the smartest thing to do would probably go somewhere where i cant hear her. woudln't that be the point? or you know- even better- she could actually confront me if she's got a problem...and i keep waiting for that but she never does. soo yeah. anyways- you're cool and i only say the things i do about you in anger because i hate to see ryan hurting from one person- hopefully you do understand that. and uh i think thats all i wanted to say. i think we all know that i have a rep myself for doing the exact same thing to guys that you have- but im kinda trying to clean up that rep right now and its hard to see you treat one of my best friends the way you do and know i used to hurt guys in the exact same way. so in a way, its also anger on my own part. okay well i think i've talked way too much. my main point is just that you can be with who you want to be with- i have never said the things about you that i did because i wanted you to be with ryan, nor did i say the things i did because i didnt' like you, i kinda lashed out for just the mere fact that ryan was hurting- and i lashed out at the person who hurt him- which was you. you're cool and i do hear good things about you, great things about you, from ryan- not all bad. so instead of this being a "so there bitch" kinda letter...i really just intended for it to be a "lets just get over these immaturities" kinda letter..and of course, an apology letter. i dont know if this will change how you feel about me, or what you say about me, but that doesnt matter because i didnt think it would. i can only hope that maybe you'll realize the intentions of my comments to ryan, and the reasons for the things that i have said about you. so now we know that i was wrong, and i have apologized, but you have to also see that you were partly in the wrong also. hurting someone like ryan with some of the things you did arent just covered up with words... write soon.
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