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| silentcriez (profile) wrote, on 1-2-2004 at 12:50am | |
| Current mood: nostalgic Music: behind blue eyes - limp bizkit Subject: im happy to be only all that u see... |
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| post new years.... goodbye 2003...another year successfully down the drain. goodbye to the people who have gone with it.. and all the memories not soon to be forgotten...this year.. was my most eventful year... i met joe...and lost him.. along with a peice of my heart, and my innocence. i wont be ignorant and deny teh fact that after joe i was a different person. but i believe i changed for teh best. i left kennedy... and lost emily :-[ my best friend. over teh summer.. i made so many memories at woodtrail..i become very close to meaghan.. and back in april went for my 14th birthday to Las vegas with her...i got closer to holly.. and from there met lizzy... and got closer to yher and robbie and jimmy and cozzy...which i will never regret. in doing this, i decreased my friendship with few ppl.. like meg... and kelsey.. but kels n i stayed strong. for monthes i didnt speak with meaghan..and created new memories with lizzy, and kelsey... and once again i have changed.... maybe its the smoke in my lungs talking... or the vodka staining my soul... but these days although soaked with pain and tears ive cried are also teh happiest of my life.. when i have fun.towards september mom started packing...and left. she was gone. and i a suffereing teenager dove into drugs. numbing the pain i held. losing what i once was....losing the sorrow.. which would soon return...but as a part of me died, a part of me was born. i live through my friends. relishing in lifes bounties. using guys to make me happy.. to fill this emotional void in my life. but all of that is now the past goodbye to the once so amazing happiness...goodbye to 8th grade... goodbye to peices of my heart... goodbye to the people i loved.. goodbye to me.. goodbye to you... hello 2004... the first poem of the year... life is holding pain above my head, and dropping its fears on my shoulders... but i keep going.. im an emotionless soldier... a new day beginning, forget my past. allow my heart to beat at last. a barren valley in which you lay the beauty hidden in side beneath the soil, a seed is set why give it reason to hide as the frost dissapears from sight and the snow melts away into the ground soon things will get better i wait for your smile, i wait for the sound the seed must now blossom beauty before now unseen let the rain pour down my blood must run clean i will tear out my heart, and plant it beneath this soil to grow with love the beauty of the spoil as i walk through the rain as the sun rises ahead i love being here... though days i wish i was dead but as this new day turns this chapters end a clean get away lies just around the bend and i can start over.. everything i wanted to be i could have a chance at happiness i could have a chance to see... everything ive wanted... everything off which i feed to grow my heart to blossom this seed and in the shadows, my soul may grow without the love to nourish it it potential, we shall never know... leaving behind all that i am each look in these eyes change is inevitable... this is forever... this is goodbye... - amanda maltz o4' ----------------------------------------- one more.... the sun is setting my time has come.. with pain in your eyes i see your the one the one in my dreams when i kiss my hero brign me back down here down to zero your the one i wish to hold my hands to hold my heart.. i wish for you to hold me and never think to part i cannot fathom all that u are capable of you could break my heart and casue me pain steal my pride and drive me insane but you, you cant, you feel for me maybe care for me, dont lie, i see past the act you play, teh character in your part the skit of a life youve hidden your heart a steel cage around its walls not even a lock and key just look me in the yes and tell me you dont need me when i cry for you, do u care? are u sorry for me is anyone there? the line falls dead when im on teh phone and when i come you say theres nobody home yuouve left me nothin just an empty heart with expectations, and feelings for you but you couldnt care less and thats the truth if thats how it goes then why even bother why do u stick around with me? why dont you turn me away you smile and i see when u say those things your friends utter to you it pains you, that look in your eyes i feel for you, but if your going to hurt me lets skip this and get to goodbyes ive held up my gaurd througout recent storms my heart has broken and ive been jaded dont let me down again...im searching for you but always hated... --------------------------------------- 2 for the road... this is the one aching in my heart, the pain that keeps me up all night.. to the one who i call a friend.. to the one who seeps into my veins... to the one who i have begun to love... to the one... i thought i should tell you exactly how i feel before this got out of hand its unimaginable the emotions circulating i see you and i go numb i quiver and my heart skips a beat im kidding myself, to think i'd ever be good enough for you your beautiful.. and perfect... everything id ever love like the sun glistening over the snow i see you in me only amplified electrified personified.. is you manifested behavior everything is you this churning in my stomache the aching in my heart when i see you my heart stops beating and i quit thinking i cant speak and i fear saying the wrong things with you, i must be perfect.. with you, it must be different with you... all i want, is to be with you... |
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emmyd | i love you, 01-02-04 10:54am amanda that was a very sad..and well written entry...all so true....we've all lost somebody during 2003...and it hurts so bad...but we have to remember that we still have other friends..i have you still..and kelsey meg and kt...and u have lizzy and holly and every1...i love you amanda so much..dont ever forget that..im always here for you...forever and ever here..i will never leave...whether i change or u change...and ne1 does...we all will stay friends thru the years....i love you *-*emmy*-* |
cocopuff | I LOVE U!!!, 01-02-04 1:39pm Manda i know its sad to think back and see all that was lost in 2003... but many things were gained 2.... if this summer never happend i would have prob never met u, and im soo happy i did because i love u!!!! and Emmy is right, no one was truly lost, just seperated.... so welcome 2004 and promise me one thing.... ull never stop being my best friend!!!!
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