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| sandatthebeach (profile) wrote, on 1-20-2004 at 11:37pm | |
| Current mood: rejuvenated Subject: possible new start? |
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| so here i am...again...with a fresh start....it turned out just about everyone found out about my journal...and read just about every freakin entry i'm sorry to disappoint my adoring fans...but i had to delete them to prevent any further reading by an unwanted audience. so what did i learn from this experience??? don't go overboard while venting because afterall this is an ONLINE journal and everyone can easily access to it. i don't care...i'm still gonna vent in here...that's why i started this whole journal madness in the first place...to vent...ha isn't that what a journal is for? to relieve your stress by writing?? well anyways...to those who have read my journal and have read something that concerned them....forgive me. i apologize....publically....it was extremely immature of me to go and say all those nasty things. i wish i could take back everything i'd said but unfortunatly man has not created a contraption that can go back in time. i apologize and i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. that may sound like a load of BS to you...but whatever...believe what you choose to believe. i'm not as naive anymore thinking that nothing could ever be used against me. and i also want everyone to know....every harsh thing was written during my hardest times when i was truly upset and frustrated and angry. i exaggerated many things to make it sound worse than it actually was. you know how when you're super pissed you start saying how you hate something? that's basically what i was doing. my so called hit list....one night i was extremely angry for i don't even remember why and was talking to nick and was crying and everything...i was furious. and by calming me down offered to "beat up" a few people that made me particulary angry that day. and that's how it all started. about a third of those people i wasn't even angry at. other people were so i just added them in there. like i said....i was furious and didn't know any better. and i want everyone to know....i don't technically "hate" anyone. those who i claim to hate most are those i am most envious of. i'm a perfectionist....i hate losing...and after experiencing defeat numerous times...i grew restless. so hope...if you do read this....i don't hate you...i promise i don't...and you probably hate me...but i deserve it. i apologize for everything i've ever said about you....but i said it and i was bitter towards you because to me...you seem to have everything. you seem to live a perfect life....i was and still am jealous. my jealousy has died down a bit because i am beginning to realize how it's unncessary and won't help necessarily help me to become a better person. it actually made me a worse person. so i'm sorry. i really truly am. i went through a very bitter winter. i lost a lot and gained very little. i don't even know if she reads this journal or not...but if she does...there ya go. and heidi, i'm sure she doesn't know about this whole online journal madness...but i don't hate her anymore. why? because i finally got to see the other side of her...the nonconceited and not self centered side of her and boy am i glad. because singing in joseph would be hell because i wouldn't have any fun. and for everyone else...i don't even remember what i ever said about you...but i'll apologize for my past actions/words. but you know what? i'm human. i not perfect. i'm not anywhere near perfect..if i were i'd be God and i'm definatly not Him. so please drop the whole "sandy needs to behave better" deal because i really find it rather pointless. i don't even know you. and you know nothing of me. and i think that it's rude to judge me based on what little information you know. i think it's rather sad and pathetic how i'm constantly feeling apologetic and inferior to those who i don't even know. it doesn't make sense to me. just as you told me not to make assumptions...please don't judge me. because THAT'S rude and rather selfish thinking that one is worthy to judge another. yes it's a natural human habit that i and everyone else need to break....but i believe that one must at least put effort into it. and if you are gonna judge....know enough about them before you do...because that's just not right to judge and make assumptions about people you know absolutely nothing of. thank you and goodnight. Always, Sandy |
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| Anonymous | hey, 01-21-04 10:42pm hey this is hope...... i think ur being really mature about this whole situation..... i understand people need to vent and i agree this wasnt the best way to do it cuz obviously people read it..... but i understand the need to vent and such....i hope we can get past this and be friends or at least be friendly during the duration of the play and after.....im sorry for whatever i did that made u feel bad or inferior ....none of it was intentional..... and im obviously not perfect like u said no one is perfect otherwise like u said i would be god and im not.....im not perfect....my life isnt perfect ...newsflash no one's life is....ok so im sorry and i hope we can get past this "episode" and become closer ...im sorry and i hope u have fun at turnabout and after.....if u need to talk ....u can always talk to me ...i meen i know im probably not ur first choice but if u need me im here....and im sorry im very very sorry ...thanks for this tho and if u need or want to reach me ....its hopi88 thasnk babes |
| lildreamer | Re: hey, 01-21-04 11:42pm hey..it's marina...yes yes, i did know about your journal, and i was one of many that read it..but i also have to say i do agree with everything u said...i apoligixe for anything and everything i might have siad to hurt u in any way, because i'm sure i have, like u said..we're all humans, we can't help it and i'm just gonna put all this matt stuff in the past..because really it isn't worth it! we were like enemys but for what..we don't relaly even know each other that well..and already we had problems..it's insane..thats not th kind of person i am or ever want to be..so i also sincerely apoligize for everything! |
sandatthebeach | Re: hey, 01-22-04 1:39am wow...thank you for commenting....you have no idea how much this means to me. and you know what? you have nothing to be sorry about. i was being totally stupid. i'm very very VERY sorry for everything i ever said about you. and like i said before...the truth is...i was insanely jealous of you....like you have no idea...cuz for as long as i have known you...you've always seemed to have the perfect life. and the fact that you're a very likeable person made me jealous and blah. i'm really really sorry for everything i've ever said about you. and i want you to know...i don't have any hard feelings toward you...and please understand i was venting at the time...i come in this journal to vent majority of the time. and the stupid thing about it is...i was so naive thinking an online, public journal would ever be read by no more than just a few people. i've learned my lesson and i'm not bitter anymore i guess? i hope we can be able to talk. and i'm so sorry again. thanks. |
mudpiegrl | 01-22-04 12:41am okie ive only read three sentances sandy and i dont think you should apologize at all. you rightfully expressed your feelings in your journal and for anyone to tell you youre wrong is of them. im sure that they are not innocent of the words that they condemn you for. as for that, they should stick it up their ass. ::smile:: have a nice day to those who hate sandy. you dont deserve it, but im giving it to you anyway. |
Anonymous | Re:, 01-24-04 1:39am ok i dont understand what ur trying to say......no one said they ever hated sandy at all!!! and we agree this is the mature way to deal with this...ur being awfully vulgur for a topic u dont seem to no much about |
mudpiegrl | Re: Re:, 01-24-04 2:26pm i wasnt talking about anyone who replied, especially hope. i was talking about this girl who read the journal and spread stuff around about sandy... |
hyperswimmingirl | 01-22-04 1:57pm It's great that your putting this behind you...especially since it's such an old topic! I know most *mature* people will understand that you were angry...and the rest of them? Well they can go screw a tree. Lol...so yeah, I'm pretty sure you already knew that I read your journal, but I thought I should post anyways. Anyways, I'm sure most people will understand what happened in the past. Later! |
sandatthebeach | Re:, 01-22-04 4:43pm thank you!!!! for understanding....holy crap....that's what i was trying to say....i didn't really mean anything i said....you know when you just say things without thinking twice? that's what it was!!! thank you so much!!!! |
| barbedvelvet | Re: Re:, 01-22-04 7:42pm this is amazing...most things are working out finally. I guess you do have to go through shit before you end up seeing the real result of your pain...I'm the perfect candidate ;) |
| Anonymous | 01-22-04 9:07pm hey this is anne and i just want to let you know that i also think it is very mature of you to say this stuff. i also want to apologize for how me and sam treated you when we talked to you online. It was wrong of us to judge you like that when we dont even know anything about you and have barely ever talked to you before in our lives. so i really want to give you a sincere apology because based on what you said in this entry you are a very mature and nice person who was only trying to express how you were feeling and i totally understand that because i do the same thing. so once again im sorry for anything rude i have said about you or to you. |
sandatthebeach | Re:, 01-22-04 10:40pm thank you for commenting...you know what? it's all good...i was hoping to get people to understand me maybe by posting this entry...journals are rather dangerous...so i've learned....especially those that are public. like i've said to sam...i hope we can put this behind us and just forget about it....cuz i really hate feeling awkward around people...and doing joseph together...we're gonna be seeing each other and i don't want any more "fights" thanks again |
| Anonymous | 01-22-04 9:38pm Sandy-
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sandatthebeach | Re:, 01-22-04 10:26pm thank you for commenting...and for the apology...this was indeed a learning experience and yes i really hope that we can put this all behind us...cuz i hate that whole feeling awkwardness around people. thanks again |
| Anonymous | 01-22-04 10:40pm Sandy~
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sandatthebeach | Re:, 01-22-04 10:53pm um thank you...but who are you? |
| Anonymous | 01-23-04 7:19pm hi sandy this is jessica morgan and i just wanted to tell yout hat i dont like matt because hes my bro and thats just gross and i only said it becuase i wanted my name in there and you never mentioned me and i would just like to say your new entry is much much better and have a terrific day! |
sandatthebeach | Re:, 01-23-04 7:48pm um hi...i don't know who you are...but i wanna let you know..i don't like him anymore. i'm positive...i should just post an entry saying that i don't. but um maybe i'll see you around? |
Anonymous | Re: Re:, 01-25-04 1:01am oh its jessica agrest lol |