Hang in there!, 02-04-04 1:22am

Sara,
I've been reading all of the journal entries from the WhyCut Community. The common denominator that appeared to me in all of those entries was how poor self-esteem and depresssion was causing onself to be a masochist, like hating onself and calling oneself "concieted" only because that person felt she was saying "I and me" too much, or hitting onself because that person felt like she did something wrong or dumb, and of course cutting onself. In my case, I have fallen into some masochist behaviors during my adolescence, but I never did cut myself because I was always afraid of knives and blood (hehe). But there is one masochist behavior that I remember that I overcame, and that was when I was 18 years old and decided not to anymore call on the phone a certain friend of mine unless he would call me up as many times as I would call him up. I mean I didn't realize how I could allow myself to go on with this 3 year friendship where he never talked to me on the phone unless I called him. It didn't matter if I left more than one message with his mother to call me back, he would never call me up and finally made me feel unwanted and lonely after about 2 1/2 years of knowing him. So finally I just told myself that I was never going to call him up on the phone unless he calls me up, and our relationship just faded away. It was only after a year of not calling him that I had realized how much I had fallen into that masochist type of behavior.
So how does this relate to you? Well, it shows you how when someone finally makes his self-esteem more important than any friendship, masochist behavior can be conquered. And this is why I don't focus in on your cutting but on how to make you have a higher self-esteem and to make you love yourself more. Because if you love yourself, you won't cut yourself. So just keep that in mind. Well GTG, Miketo

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Re: Hang in there!, 02-04-04 8:58am

I cant keep ne thing from u can I???? LoL¡K. I am actually proud of myself, I know what a masochist is b4 u wrote this ƒº (vocab word lol) ¡KI am sorry ur friend and u lost touch¡K¡K.. I wish u wouldn¡¦t read my journal tho, It makes me feel like u think that I am a bad person and that Yaminah might be doing stuff like this (oh, don¡¦t worry she isnt),m and like u think I need help¡KI don¡¦t need help, I really don¡¦t¡KI juss started cutting myself agen, but my friend Sarah is scaring me and so is Logan and so is Brett (yeah, the one who started it) they will all do it 10 times worse I know it¡Kso I am not doing it ne more¡K..The only reason I don¡¦t love myself is bc I am hurting Logan¡K.and that hurts me¡K Me and Logan made it to a month with him only cutting himself 2ce bc of me, but if we go longer, how many more times will he do it????I love Logan more than ne thing¡Kand it makes me sad when he does sumthing like that so I went home from seeing him n did it...continue in email, i g2g
--Sara

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Re: Re: Hang in there!, 02-04-04 6:05pm

Sara,
You and Yaminah are like best friends, so I guess I feel like it is in my best interest to be concerned for not just her but her best friend, too. Sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable for reading your journal entries, but its like i'm on a crusade to destroy all depression that comes into my path. I hate depression with a passion and had to put alot of effort with therapy to overcome it during my adolecence. I guess I'm getting a little carried away because after all my therapist would instruct me that in order to see him, I, not my parents, would have to take the inititive and make the appointment. This way I was making the first step towards wanting to help myself. So I will try for now on only advise you if you ask me to. K.
BTW, that friend of mine is now serving a life sentence in prison for burglary and rape for the second time. I always thought his forms of manipulation was rated "G" Walt Disney-like, but holy fat cow I never imagined that they would wind up being the "XXX" type. Well GTG. --Miketo

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man, 02-04-04 11:37pm

Gurl i will walk all the way there if u need me too..i will find a way to get there i'll buy a friggin plane ticket if u need me..ur my friend..and i'll do anythin for u..just for sticken wit me and u know im crazy..lol but gurl just anything u need talk ta me and if u eva get a cell or anythin and u wanna talk an its 3 am call me. I dont care when or why just call i'm always gonna be here for u..love ya gurlie..later

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Re: man, 02-05-04 9:36am

lol, u sound like a friggin preppy person!!!! Its funny as hell!!!!! Yeah, I know ur crazy!!! LOL....but it is a good funny crazy so sall good...well, most of the time.... Of course I will stick withchya!!! U've become an extremely good friend to me in more than opne way (u know what I am tlking bout i think) n i wouldnt let ya down...if u ever wanna tlk, I dont care what time it is either, if u need to tlk, call me and if someone answers, juss be like "I need to tlk to Sara, its really important" n I wouldnt wanna waist ur money so, I am not going to let u come here unless its to stay for a while...which if u ever do come, my mom said u could stay with us if ya wanted too :-
Thanks for bein there for me...ur the best :-)
luv yas 2- Sara

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