| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| cocopuff (profile) wrote, on 2-9-2004 at 11:30pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: none... Subject: :-( |
|
| its 11:30 and i just can't sleep.. im so teired but when i lay down all i think about are things that are making me sad... its soo bad... im crying soo hard that i can't breath right now and u know i coun't even tell you y.. and all i know is that things right now are pretty shitty.... 3 ppl that i use to call friends now hate me, and i don't quite understand y but w/e and i want soo badly to b friends again and stop fighting over stupid things..and just b like we were.. and the sad truth is no matter how much they hate me and talk about me and make me mad i can't stop caring about them and its soo hard to love ppl soo much and have them hate u back:-( even if they don't believe me i loe them and i am sry and do care abotu them and i ahve never stopped caring about them because to me they are my life... my friends are like my everyhtingand im lost wihtout them:-(, also i fucked up really bad i hurt amanda and i feel like scum :-[.. i love her soo much and i hate to see her sad.. and i am kicking myslef because i made her sad :-( cuz im soo stupid!!.. i love her wiht all my heart and i hope she knows that.. and i also hope she knows that in no way did i ever tyr and hurt her because i love her to much!!! and im was jsut my stupid selfish self:-[, thats onther thing i finaly realized im dumb.. i let ppl use me and for what?? god damn it everything in the past coupple mounths has suked soo bad... and i mean yea ther were some good times but so far this is the shittyiest iv ever been.. i have never not been hungy or teired because i was too sad and mad at myself.. but u know i guess its good i noticed how dumb i am now then later... not like i think knowing that i have a problem is going to stop it.. because even if i wanted to stop i coun't.. im a crazy fuck and i wish i could change but what for?? its me w/e either u love me or u hate me and ull just have to deal with me the way i am... and i think its sad that people who have known me for so long and not so long but really know me are even starting to get annoyed with my problem.. i don't want it to bother peopel but i don't know who to stop it.. id try and fix it if i only knew y i did it:-/.. u know i wish for the first time in my life that i could change one thing i did and cause a chain reaction of things to chnage with it.. i never regret things but after all this shit iv gone throgh just beacuse of one stupid thing i did id change it.. im not sayign i wish it never happend cuz i think iv leard somehting form it but if i had the choice i think i would do it differently.. not never to it just i dunno do it some way that would change everyhting and make this whole fucked up sitiation good again... i did one thing and everything has changed.. and i hate it.. and everythign EVERYTHING and everyone remindes me of that stupid thing and how everything was before and i miss it i miss thingd the way there were before.. and not only does what i did effect me but it effects all my friends... the ones who are stuck in the middle.. and i don't want them to have to deal with this.. i don't want neone to ever have to fell like this cuz it sucks... it hurts more then you'll ever know.. and i just wish all this pain would go away! than mayb i could sleep again without crying my eyes out first :-( |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
xonixieox | 02-10-04 6:49am please dont cry lizzy!! i love oyu so fuckin much... for the poeple who used to be your friends... i make up for their love with mine! your are so beautiful and i love you ohhh so much!
|
cocopuff | Re:, 02-10-04 11:51am thank u Nikkie!! i love u sooo much!! and i just wanted u to know!! mwah!!! |
silentcriez | Re: Re:, 02-10-04 5:55pm lizzy
|