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| chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote, on 2-14-2004 at 12:24am | |
| Current mood: sad...again Music: bittersweet symphony Subject: mrs. beall and other stuff |
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| i came home from spending the morning with my sister and i spent like 3 hours on the internet being bored cause noone was home. i love vacation. i get to sit home alone and do whatever i want. i often spend several minutes beating the shit out of my bunching bag while screaming stuff at it that deal with people i hate. or sometimes i scream stuff that has happened and what i should have done if i embarrassed myself. my favorite subjects are sarah,stephanie or lynn and miss doherty. usually i ask the punching bag if it would "like another barrido" oo thats fun. then i say "fuck you" several times. its really weird but really really fun and painfull. someday i know i'm gonna break or sprain my wrist or arm on it. oh well it will be worth the pain. i briefly mentioned mrs. beall (bell) , louises grandma, in my last entry. i feel like talking about her again. shes such a wonderfull lady. when i took my highschool test she dropped off louise and i said "hi mrs. beall" and she said "oh hi marilyn" and gave me a hug. i wish she was my grandma. she gave me birthday cards and a first communion present. i really appreciated it but i dont think i've ever told her. i've never taken the time to tell her that shes like a grandma to me and now i feel so bad. i mean she might die soon and i havent been as nice as i could have. i always said thank you and stuff but i never listened to her when she was telling stories or something which was rare but did happen. i spent a lot of time at her house when i was little cause louise has been my friend since kindergarten and we always had to go to her house cause we were too young to be home alone when my sisters did stuff. besides, (comma mistake i think) we always had more fun at her house. her back yard is really big and there was always something to get into. mrs. beall never said no to me when we asked if i could go over. shes watched all her grandchildren and opened her house to louise's aunts and uncles to live in. she has such a big heart...i dont think there is one bad thing about her. i'm going to cry so much when she dies. if you believe in god even a little bit please pray for her. i've seen 2 people die of cancer in the past year who i loved a lot..i dont think i can bear to see a 3rd one die. oo more complaining. i hate my dads side of the family. i have an aunt marion who isnt even 1% italian but she acts as though she is. at my sisters wedding, my aunt maries funeral, and even the after buriel lunch for my aunt marie she wouldnt fuckin shut up about food! i mean she'll talk about every fuckin restaraunt in morgan hill (where she lives) if you give her time. she talks about food while your eating. she talks about it when your crying or something. its like dude is that all you fuckin think about??? if she were so old and a family member i'd tell her to shut the fuck up. i swear she will tie food into just about anything she can. sad? eat a cookie. "no you have to go the restaurant down on.... cause they make the best..." i hate her so much. i feel like i'll never shut up....sorry. i was thinking last night when i couldnt fall asleep even though i was really tired. i was thinking about being shy. pretty random to be thinking about when youre tired. i dont like being shy. i often wonder how people arent shy. they just say anything and people dont think they are weird and most people like them. i came to the conclusion i'm afraid of rejection. it seems like i dont really have anything to say to people i dont see everyday cause i dont know how they will react to what i say. i tend to be fairly sarcastic and random and i think some people dont realize that so they think i'm being rude or dumb. a lot of my randomness is dumb and a lot of my sarcasm could be taken meanly. i dont mean to but i was raised that way. then there are people who are mean that have made me scared to be myself. on the internet i say stuff really weird stuff and then people dont know how to react to it cause they dont really know me. i feel so dumb when that happens cause people will put the generic "o" or "yea" or soemthing. in situations where i'm right there to hear the persons criticism i really hate that. so i guess i deal with it by preventing it. i admit it..i hate being criticized unless i ask for it. i dont like people who will just say "you know that really good but....". i want to beat them and say "you know what? i never fuckin asked you to give me your input so shut up" unless its in math or science. people can tell me what i'm doing wrong all day in either one of those and i wont get mad or sometimes writing. not poems though. my poems are mine and as far as i'm concerned nobody has to read them if they are going to be mean. i hate mean people. i am one sometimes. i guess i hate myself occasionaly. well i think everyone does. ruben likes nicole, that slut girl i dont like. she likes craig and ruben. stupidass. i guess i'm kinda jealous cause i USED to like ruben. i hate his name though. its really ugly. (sorry to anyone who likes that name) heres his profile:i love my baby:-! o u can call me co co! hahaha "co co" part refering to the last part of her sn. i just helped her get a picture of craig and then she doesnt care and likes ruben! THAT WASNT SO NICE! her dog looks like my dog. thats random. i'm tired. bye |
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LoupGarou | 02-14-04 7:04pm Louise's grandma sounds really nice. I don't think I've ever really met her. I think I've seen her every once in a while but even sitting here I can't remember what she looks like. I think the closest person I've had to being a second parent person would actually be Stephanie's mom. She was always so nice to me, but since that thing happened when Stephanie sent me that email and my parents had to call her parents things have been different, and it makes me kind of sad.
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| dukespartnerincrime | Re: blah blah, 02-18-04 1:19pm what happened in the email thing again? U told me once but i dont remember. I feel bad for stephanie's mom. |
dukespartnerincrime | dshajfhdsalhsda, 02-18-04 1:17pm ~sniffles~ shes not going to die soon! thats such a sad entry marilyn. I am crying. oh and its Beall*. sorry that was bugging me a bit. |