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| eragedbluerat (profile) wrote, on 2-17-2004 at 10:21pm | |
| Current mood: give me a four letter word for misery Music: Hoobastank - Out Of Control Subject: FOUR |
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| Why are all the important words four letters long? Love, pain, hope, fear, all four letters long. And you know whats sad? You can't feel one without the others. You can't love without being afraid that your hoing to lose that. You can't hope for a brighter future without killing yourself on the inside now. Always a balance. The way the universe was meant to be. Yin - Yang / Heaven - Hell / Man - Woman. All in balance. But why can't i just fell the good ones for once. It seems like my life isnt balanced. When im old and wrinkled i better be rich with a lot of hot old chicks around me and im this huge stud muffin that all the other guys wanna be. Becuase thats the onloy way to make up for all the shit ive had to live through so far. It all comes back to all the experiences in my life. I know a lot of people would de for my life. I know there are homeless people that can;t spell their own name becuase they dont know what it is. I know that. But i dont care. I just dont care anymore. All i care about is being the person i am now. And if that means that im depressed all the time then so be it. Becuase what reason do i have not to be? Please God give me a reason. For all the nights of prayer and years of faith, dont i get an explanation, and reason, an answer? Anything. Your God. How hard would it be to just say ok i can give this kid a reason. I can explain too him why he's feeling pain. Isn't that a father's job? You act all high and mighty but when it comes right down to it you can't finish what you start. You make us and then leave us. No comforting, no reasoning. you just throw us out into this world that you created. You try and take credit for making us your "chosen people". Sometimes i wonder if we're anymore "chosen" than any other creature. What do we get for being chosen. Wow we get minds and a sense of what's right and wrong. Thanks for that. In addition to not being able to change my shitty life, i get to realize how shitty it really it is. Just how wrong not being able to cure mysle fof this pain inside my heart is. But your God. You created us, you don't have to worry about doing anything becuase we wouldn't even be here if it wasnt for you. Sometimes i wonder if in all your perfection, you can imagine so much pain.. Was that your plan? Is this some lesson? Well don't bother reteqaching it. I think i'll use a homework pass thanks. Your not any better than us. You create and then you leave. you dont get to do that. So says me. Yeah thats right I say so. You can't back out of this one. I wont let you. i'm not sure how yet but i wont let you just leave me here without telling why im being allowed to feel all this pain. You can't back out. And as if all this want enough you took her away. ~BOYER |
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s2zeitgeist | 02-18-04 10:17pm well you don't have to agree but i hate to break it to you god doesn't control jack shit. you control your life. and stop being fuckin depressed i know for a fact you won't be hapy like that. i know from experience. once you break out of the depression things get better. |
eragedbluerat | Re:, 02-18-04 11:16pm Wow thanks for stating the obvious
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| Ceceisme | Re:, 06-04-04 1:19pm once you break out of the depression things get better.
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eragedbluerat | Re: Re:, 07-22-04 8:37pm bored so i thought id read all the old messages from friends that i never read. came across yours and since i have no idea who you are i thought id say hi. hi.
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| Ceceisme | Re: Re: Re:, 07-22-04 11:56pm I probably ran across your journal randomily, sorry. Hope I didn't cause any confusion for you.
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eragedbluerat | Re: Re: Re: Re:, 07-23-04 11:46pm hey, its no biggie. i dont mind being confused. it makes life interesting. well have a lovely day.
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