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| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 2-25-2004 at 6:17pm | |
| Current mood: pissed off Music: something corporate - "space" Subject: ugh. |
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| edit- so i just read everyones journals that i didnt get to read last night. i didnt really read most of them, cuz we all seem in the same dreading-the-future mood and yeah. plus i need to finish my essay for english. the only thing i have to say is that you don't need to read the following entry because it's a buncha crap and it doesnt deserve to be read because it's the same old shit. oh yeah. something else. i love danielle more than anyone in the whole freaking world. just gotta declare that. so many things are making me angry inside this week. idk what it is. ya know what i realized today though? something that REALLY pisses me off. i've known this before, but i've never known how bad i can feel because of it. what is it? it's... not understanding something. not learning. i had that in like 3 of my classes today. it's like... when i'm not able to comprehend something within 10 minutes, i feel like killing myself cuz i'm wasting time. government? that class brings me down so much. my inner morale and my self esteem for school just goes down the drain. him talking, the words going in one ear and out the other. it pisses me off and makes me angry (yes a lot at epstein) at myself. and i hate that feeling. like i can't stand myself. i guess it's cuz i've grown up being constantly praised and expected to do well, so when i dont do well, i just can't understand why. because it's not like i don't listen. and it's not like i dont WANT to learn, but those little rough spots when i dont get things in an instant, i feel like crap. do you think this is twisted? i think it is. art sometimes is even frustrating. and that's 100 times more wrong because it's my outlet and sometimes even that pisses me off because i can't seem to do something right. grrrrrrrrrrrr. i just wanna go away to california already. and have my fun time with my love. but i cant. i look at other people and wonder how they do it all and why i can't be like that. i know i know i'm great, i'm super and whatever, but the fact is, i can always be better. and i hate it. there's no reaching my goal, cuz i can always reach higher. but what if i never reach it? =( sigh. well that was my little rant for the day. probably gonna last for a while. i'm alright and happy but whenever i seem tired or out of it, i'm usually thinking about school. worrying, more like it. it dominates my thoughts over all else. ALL else. is that wrong? |
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lizzy | 02-25-04 6:29pm i know ur gonna feel what ur gonna feel regardless of what i say, but i think ur just fabulous the way you are :) and no, its not wrong to worry..just try not to let it overcome you. ur so much more than a bundles of worries, you're the beautiful, shining star XTINA! |
playmate101 | 02-25-04 8:28pm wow. i love the way u just put that. i've had those same feelings about school since this nine weeks & i just couldn't put it into words until u said it right there. u just made the fog go away & the sun come out. <3 |