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r0ckmywurld (profile) wrote,
on 5-12-2004 at 12:12am
Current mood: happy
Music: "from spring to summer"
Subject: today.. and thoughts...
well school.. yeah that was.. well school... i brought painting stuff to math.. it was fun. and we listened to music.. other people were in groups playing hackey, "trash"basket ball, senior memory books, or just music. yeah mr. army kept talking still. tony changed his grade in the book and didnt try to cover it up.. he just skribbled it out. then mr.army made him give the grade book and he looked through it... he didnt notice a thing.. are we suprised? I found out that i have a 92 in that class.. if i take a zero on the final i will have a 77.. i dont think im gonna do the test.... thats a bit excessive. i left during last period and got my birthcontrol and cleaned my room. then off to tennis.. i really want to learn to play. we didnt really do anything it was me leah and danni. we had fun. but i want to learn. i think me and soch are gonna go down sometime. then i worked.. danni visited on multiple occasions. leah visited. adam visited. and soch visited. it was alright i gues... then i got in my car and oasis came on... i flipped i was super excited.. as i pulled into my neighborhood i noticed how many stars were out. its amazing.. i stood out there for a while looking at them and decided to wait a bit and go back out... i started thinking about summer again.. its basically here and its going to be amazing. i love my friends soo much. friday we are going to the beach.. i cant wait.. i love the ocean sooo much..

so i started thinking about how i thought i was Daria when i was little. i wasnt like her.. besides loving to read and being "weird"... but i was loud and obnoxious not at all quiet and to myself. but i was convinced i was her. i loved that show. i loved it before my parents let me watch MTV. i would have to turn it off when i heard them coming downstairs. they never changed their outfits. everything was perfectly stereotyped. how much easier would life be like that? to not question our identities. the cheerleader and football player always wear the uniforms. the pretty girls always wear their pretty girl outfits. the weird ones the weird outfits. WHAT WOULD I WEAR? where would i be classified? i have never wanted to be classified as anything, anyone but just ME. i dont want to conform. or to not conform. where my opinions lie, my beliefs, my ideas, my clothes, my "style", my anything lie... is where it lies. if its "in" fine if its "out" fine.

i dont want to try. but i think human nature is to desire to be loved. is love acceptance? can we love what does not love us for who/what we are? or is it just lust. a bodily desire to be accepted or wanted by that other? some people intrigue me. i want to hear them talk and talk and not stop. i want to know what is going on in their heads. i want them to show me new things. teach me. forever i want to learn. but then what if they want to share nothing? tell nothing? would you be willing to be nothing for them? if it meant you would have them, have their everything... would you be nothing?

dont get me wrong i love my life completely but i need an emo moment.
i want the feeling of comfort back. i want to know i can pick up the phone and there is .. yes.. a GUY on the other line choosing to comfort me, or more important to EXCITE me. i want to be wanted. i desire to be desired. when the night closes in i yearn to be held. i want to drive somewhere and just make out until my lips hurt. if they need to bleed to get this.. let the blood drip down from my neck craving tongue. i want to be held when i cant explain my bad mood. i want "his" eyes to tear when the salty water runs down my face uncontrollably. i dont want to be afraid to fall apart because i know someone is there to be my glue.

lately i've felt so strong. so happy. and right now. im crying. i feel so selfish even crying while living such an amazing life. being surrounded by such amazing people. i just miss some things. im complete because "i believe that 1 + 1 = 2" but i just want it. this is my temper tantrum. i remember when someone was there to just hold me. just that.. to hold me.. physically, mentally, emotionally. that fell apart in the matter of a day. and i am stronger for it. im better for it. and i did more than he deserved. but why can't i find a good one. someone to give me the comfort for real. someone to feel with. someone to stop these tears from flowing. i want glue and i want it now.. but im not a stupid "girl". so i put on the smile. because my life is good and i have enough to be estatic about and im not selfish.


"in the beginning there were answers then they came along and changed. all these questions and their answers seemed to change. so ill wait till i find the remote part of your heart. and no where else will let us choose a comfortable start. we stop at every passing place to watch the world move faster than we do. watch it pass with our eyes closed the way we usually choose to. so ill wait till i find to remote part of your heart. and no where else will let us choose a comfortable start. and even if the breath between us smells of alcohol we'll call it confusion in the best way possible"
i really like that song.

i'ld kill for make believe right now. because in make believe it never hurts. and we achieve every desire.

this has been really long.
now im going to go outside and breath in every star until i choke wishing on the shooting one that someone will save me. i will spit every star into your face so that you can be seen in truth to what you are.


*stagnancy is my only enemy*
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deadbeatlarry

05-12-04 12:27am

Watching the stars is the best. I did that tonight. I turned off all the outside lights and went into the middle of my front yard at 11 o'clock. I wasn't scared at all. Some of them are even planets. I'm pretty good at picking them out too. Mars was bright. I told Mark it was Venus earlier in the evening. He doesn't have to know that I was wrong.

(reply to this)

mandeR

top 10 reasons to date a meghan mcgee, 05-12-04 6:39am

1. she'll suck you off
2. she's not emo, like cough cough, well me. shit happens.
3. she's HOTT to tROT
4. she'll obviously rock your world
5. she knows big words
6. she once asked "if your going to hook up with the guy anyways, and he offers to give you money would you take it?" and was serious.
7. she drives an UNDERCOVER COP CAR
8. she listens to rad music, and her friends are fun to hang out with (yeah ME! dan and leah are awesome too! i dont think meg has any other friends)
9. she's trustworthy, caring, loving, gorgeous, stylish (in her own way), outgoing, spontaneous, and hysterically funny.
10. she only whines about 99% of the time, but she's easy .. so it makes up for it.

he he har har har yeahhh well your a trooper. you're one of the strongest people i know. unlike me, i'm a "girl" haha. well if i put up with the fucking pms and all that other bullshit, and someday i have to pop out a kid from there, i'll take full advantage of the name. i loove you. and you know you can always spoon with me. we'll make sometimes. and you could like.. go down on me. WOAH. creepy. aaah. don't be me, and imagine it.. haha. just kidding.

peace out slutty mcgee face.

(reply to this)

r0ckmywurld

Re: top 10 reasons to date a meghan mcgee, 05-12-04 2:28pm

i love you both.. and i just realized how much my last name does work for stuff like that... yeah my last name is hott... i love you and what you represent

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