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glitterkisses (profile) wrote,
on 5-28-2004 at 2:22pm
Current mood: annoyed
Music: Greenwheel-Breathe
Subject: It's funny how you only think about the things that really make you not want to think at all anymore.
I'm just so sick of even dealing with, or hearing everyone else talk about dealing with your attiude, your big fucking head up your ass, your rude manors, the way you throw friends away like you throw away trash. It's pathetic. I'm sick of seeing people caring about a selfish bastard such as yourself. You think you're the shit, when really everyone talks about what a miserable asshole you are. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to agree. Hell, I've been agreeing for this whole school year. It's amazing how much you've changed since this past summer. I shouldn't even care because in my mind, I don't even think I knew who you were at all anymore. Mine as well just be another stranger out there. The things you said before, the way you acted, all the times you were there and said you cared and always would be there, it was a complete lie. And don't you think it's pretty sad that myself along with some of your other old friends can say this and you don't even care? Why am I even asking.

I really don't know what it is exactlly, or at least not enough to explain it to you, but in my mind I just think you're making a lot of bad choices. A lot of dumb choices that push our friendship closer and closer to something a lot worse than what we've ever dealt with. Mainly because you care more about other shit that wont even matter four months from now. Then when it doesn't matter anymore, you're going to see why things are the way they are, because you pushed and pushed not thinking it mattered, not caring at the time, and then you're going to fucked, and it's your own damn fault. And I can't bring myself to care at the moment. I know I'll regreat saying this later, b/c chances are it , not chances, it will be okay, it always is. I just inside am so incrediably mad at you for the way you've been acting, and I just dont care enough because I know how you'll react. Like the innocent, conserned, good person you always act like. Then you tell the world, get everyone to take your side, just for me to *throw my hands up and say I quit* because no matter what you always get your way.

Bah, fuck you!

I'm so fed up. I can't wait till school's out. I just don't understand why our school is so dumb. Why not just of had us go to school all day today, and then let school be out, rather than send us on a break and make us come back for two whole days? Cedar Springs Public Schools are a bunch of morons I swear, gawddd...jdlfkja;lkfjaldfj


I'm going to go before I say something I don't mean.
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jennapie

05-28-04 2:54pm

hey, I didn't block you, our computer is broke tho, so I haven't been on. I'm not mad at you or anything.

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glitterkisses

Re:, 05-28-04 3:08pm

Glad to hear it. I didn't think you were, I figured it was just Jon being a fuckhead. Shoulda known I was right. Talk to ya later, lov ya Jess

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.j.e.s.s.

05-28-04 11:48pm

i dont know how i'm acting so i dont know what to do to fix it. you dont tel me anything until you absolutely have to and that doesn't help. i dont know that you have a problem with whats going on until you finally let it all out. you have to let me know sooner. just talk to me about what you really mean. you make me think you're okay with things when you really aren't so i've made you mad without knowing i was making you mad. you have to tell me things jess.

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glitterkisses

Re:, 05-29-04 3:06pm

I hate to say this but right now I don't even want to think about fighting with you. I don't want to care, simply because I care too much, that I don't want to care right now. Things will work themselves out, when I'm ready to actually deal with it. Right now, I don't want too.

It's not just Roman, the way you act around him, the way you've been putting me second for him. I understand you have a boyfriend, and you need to spend time with him, but you've become exactlly what you said you didn't want to become as a girlfriend. You're with him between every class, you plan out and wait bye the phone for his call, all you talk about is him. Yes, you need to talk about him every now and then of course. But you are constantlly talking about him. The reason we got into an argument last time. You tell me things like, how he was acting mad at you because of Andrew, the things you do, I just ...I don't need to know everything about your realtionship. And I'm sorry, if I dont really have the best mannors around the kid, but to me it's a bit akward, and I'd figure you'd understand that. I'm not even friends with the kid, so I can't really pretend to act like I care about him, when I really don't.

I don't know if you noticed but I have, one of the reasons I love you so much is becuase you are your own person. You stick with your morals, and belives, etc. Roman dictates you from your personality. You don't see it now, because of lust. But Jess, you've been making some stupid decsions. And you want me to tell you, so here it is. The only reason I went to the Kent was to hang out with you, and what do you do? You just end up with roman all night. Yeah of course you have to hang out with him, but you don't have to totally neglect me either. You're putting guys first, and I would of never done that. When I was with tony, or caleb I still always made time for you. I hung out with you more than I did them, because you are my bestfriend. Ho's before bro's whateveR!!! but you...you're like...devoted to Roman. That's all you ever want to talk about, all you ever think about, you always want to be with him if you're not busy. And to me it feels like it's Roman first, and if he can't do anything, than hmm let's call Jess and see what she's up too. Then if I'm busy, it's my fault. That's how I feel. You say you never get to han gout with Roman, dear lord...yes you do! You hang out with him, just not every second of every day. ughhh I just dont even want to hear the kids name right now.

You know...I always have been greatful to our friendship, to you. Never do I let a moment pass bye that I could show how happy I am you're my bestfriend, and that we've been like sisters since we were in pre-school. I tell you all the time how much I care about you. That I'll always be here, that if I have one true friend, it's you, and vice versa. When we were younger I wrote you letters, stupid friendship poems, I made that stupid book for you in 6th grade, ordred that stupid telegram man to sing happy birthday to you at lunch in 8th grade, made you a cake, I feel like I'm always going out of my way to make you smile, but when I need it, I never get the same in return. I'm just finally saying something now.

There, I told you everything.

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