Add Memory | Add To Friends
brokenmentality (profile) wrote,
on 6-13-2004 at 10:49pm
you.

make.

me.

mad.




*screams... gahhhh.


i dont know what to believe anymore. or what to do. or who to talk to. or who to see. or what to watch. or listen to. or think. or feel.

somebody, just please, take all my emotions away from me, i dont deserve them.. i shouldnt be trusted with running my life... but you on the other hand, can be responsible for ruining it.

my life has turned upside down. i dont feel much of anything. just numb pain... i know everythings there.. i'd just rather disregard it. im good at pretending to be happy.. if anybody really knew.. really knew at all what goes through this mind on a daily basis, it'd scare you. because it scares me.

its because of you. you'll burn in hell someday, i know you will. i just dont know when... but if i was 3 quarters of an inch crazier i'd assure you that it'd be soon.


i wanna go to the warped tour.
i wanna have my own room in my own house with my own backyard.
i wanna forget everything i've experienced in the last year.
i wanna be 2 inches taller.
i want mishy to stay.
i want to know your real intentions.
i want someone to talk to, someone inteligent who can tell me what to do.
i want to be ABLE to spell inteligent.. is that right? i dont know...
i want him to stop hitting her.
i want someone who can respect me.
i want someone who makes an effort to be there for me.
i want someone who will just make me cookies and bring them over spontaneously early in the morning because he thinks that im pretty even without my make up and just wants to see me.
i want someone who will take my hand and lead me toward an open window with my eyes closed so i can feel the breeze in the summer.
i want someone christianly.
i want someone cute.
i want someone responsible.
i want someone respectful.
i want someone who wants me.
i want someone who wont laugh at how corny my wants are, because he wants them too.
i want to stop wanting things.
i want to grow up.
i want to move away from everybody whos ever caused me pain.
i want a car.
i want a place to go when it rains.
i want to sleep for a full 8 hours, just once.
i want to erase her past so she wont feel so confused and hurt.
i want to.. god.. i just dont know what i want.



I WANT A LIFE FREE OF EVERYTHING.



i think i wanna be a lawyer some day, so that i can at least help a few people not go through what we're going through.

this entry, is about LOTS of different people, so dont asume im talking about you in different parts, because if you do you're stupid. i dont use names for a reason. and besides its my journal.... fuck you if you dont like what i have to say. im sick of woohu creating so much drama. i know jess can agree with me on this one. IF YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DESPISE LIFE, DONT READ IT.

simple isnt it? no.... its far to complicated for most to understand.





gahhh.. i hate life. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.
Post A Comment

glitterkisses

06-13-04 11:43pm

I can totally agree with you on this one.

I'm so glad we are talking about, because you really make me feel like what I have to say is worth hearing, and what I feel is worth sharing, because when I do, you make me feel a lot better about the situation. Plus, it's just nice to know that someone cares.

I'm not exactlly sure on what all is going on in your life. It's not my place or my buisness to even ask. I can tell though, that you aren't going through the best of times, and you definatly have it rough.

I'm not sure what to say that may help, but I hope that you know that I do care a lot about you, and I'm so happy that we are talking about. I'm always here to listen to anything you need to talk about, or vent about, and I promise to never bring you down, or your thoughts down, or to lose your trust.

Life does suck, I know that from my past. I know I may not have ever had to deal with the same things that you have had to go through, or that you are going through right now...I just hope that you know that I admire you so much for who you are, and how real you are no matter what comes your way. I love you bunches, and I'm always here, for anything. Don't ever hesitate to call if you need anything.

(reply to this)

glitterkisses

Re:, 06-13-04 11:50pm

lol, I meant to say I'm glad we are talking again, not about. lol wow sometimes I swear I'm going insane.

wait...I know I'm going insane lol. you'll just have to work with me on this one. heh

(reply to comment)

brokenmentality

Re: Re:, 06-14-04 12:36am

lol, i love you jess!!!

we should have a really long talk, cuz i have so much to vent!!! and i know you do to.

we should eat ice cream, get fat, talk alot, and then walk it all off. lol

or forget the walking... cuz excersize... ehhh.

*giggles.


(reply to comment)

Glitterkisses

Re: Re: Re:, 06-14-04 12:41am

Heh totally agreed. I love vanialla ice cream, and I could use a good cry, with a good friend lol.

Well I'm going to go night night because I'm about to pass out on the computer desk. lol lov u ttyl

(reply to comment)

.j.e.s.s.

06-14-04 12:34pm

erika i love you sooooo much.

and you seriously are one of the strongest people i know. i really, really admire you for that. i dont know what to say. just know that i am here for you and you are the greatest and things WILL get better even if it doesn't seem like that. i mean hey, you're starting at ARBY'S with ME. that's already getting better right?! right. :0) i'll see you soon. <3

(reply to this)

brokenmentality

Re:, 06-14-04 1:32pm

*giggles...

arbys, that makes it all better! actually, i am really happy about that! i finally got a job! *sigh of relief.

im so happy we're still friends, jess. i really really am!!!!!!

i love you soooooooooo much!!!!!

my orientations today... woot woot!

i dont know what it is.. but its all good.... righ?!

*nervous.

(reply to comment)

.j.e.s.s.

Re: Re:, 06-14-04 2:18pm

:0)

the orientation is NOTHING to be worried about. all that happens is you get introduced to everyone there and you get shown the place .. no biggie at all. especially if it's Carolyn showing you. she's the greatest.

have fun and no need to be nervous. everyone is nice there.

(reply to comment)