| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| innocence (profile) wrote, on 7-19-2004 at 3:02am | |
| Current mood: crushed Subject: inflict the pain on me!! |
|
i wake up at like 845 to leave joes house which meant i got like 5 hours of sleep tops. i come home and my grandma's getting ready to go pick up my aunt from the airport. i had this whole big plan to go to bed, but of course it doesnt work out. I watched my mom cuz i didnt wanna take the risk of me falling asleep and her not being able to wake me up if she needed me, so i stayed up and sat next to her while i tried to put her to bed. I had to get her up to take her to the bathroom and she was extremely weak, i then layed her back down and she gasped for air saying that her chest hurt. my grandma came home right in the nick of time and we left for the emergency room. we got at the er at like 1145am and sat in some examining room til 745pm.. do you know how pissed i was?!! so pissed. my mom was sittin so uncomfortably and i wante to grab every fuckin doc. and nurse and strangle them u have no idea. id give anything, anything to be in my mommas place right now. she's so weak and helpless.. i try to pick her up for her and she cant hold up her head so it just wobbles back like she has whiplash or something.. its terrible.. and she mistakened me for heather, i about cried. after we get back from the hospital FINALLY.. i come home and realize another god damn problem, i shouldnt mention it, but idk who the fuck did it, why the fuck they did it, how the fuck they did it, or what the fuck they wanted but they caused my ass a lot of fuckin drama. and if i get in trouble for this shit -- its on! and if my mom finds out about it and gets even more sick.. oh kids watch your back, you dont fuck w/ my mom -- not my pride and joy, shes what i live for. oooh buddy i was so heated. so my grandma and i are trying to figure out what to do for my mom because obviously when school starts she's going to need somebody to take care of her, so either we need to get a home nurse to be with her 24/7 ... or put her in a rehab w/ nurses so they can put her on the tpn and give her nutrients and help her get stronger, and have me live w/ a friend for part of the school year, momma and i move back to new york .. or danielle drops out of school to take care of her mother. none of those options sound that appealing eh? the worst part is, all i can do is sit there, right next to her bed, and look at her and how skinny she is and her droopy face and say can i get u anything. thats all i can fuckin do and i think thats one of the worst things ever. to not be able to say i know how you feel or help take some of the pain off.. it kills. i pray for her, nothin changes, if i could change places w/ her i would in a heartbeat. she was saying today how she's never felt so bad and she never wishes this much pain on someone. well guess what I WISH IT UPON MYSELF. I WISH TO TAKE AS MUCH PAIN AS POSSIBLE OFF OF MY MOTHER AND PUT IT ONTO ME. IF YOU NEED A SUCICH TAKE ME. MY MOM DOESNT DESERVE TO DIE OR BE THIS SICK, OF ALL PEOPLE, SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST GENEROUS, KIND, LOVING, WARMHEARTED PEOPLE EVER and if i lose her i dont know what ill do.. i try to stay strong and not cry in front of her but it doesnt work. i just wish there was something i could do.. thanks carly for helping me today and being there in case they cuffed me lol. zach thanks for brightening my day as usual, and thanks ricky for makin me crack the hell up lol. it was a good convo at 2am lol. other than that, last night was nuts, we spent forever trying to find a hotel, finally got one and got kicked out -- oh and we went thru the drive thru w/ no car yea, the girls working deff. laughed haha. oh well. i got shitfaced a few nights ago, it was worht it tho.. but i havent drank since then, not even at the hotel. but imma get going cuz its 3am and i need to get up early in the am to see my momma. please, i beg everybody who reads this and even those who dont. please pray for my mom. i need her more then i can admit or say, and i think id die w/o her. id be a lost soul. she is too awesome for this pain and i just hope somebody can help her in some way. please put the pain on me.. not my mom. i deserve it, im a bitch im a fuckup im this im that. TEACH ME A LESSON, NOT MY MOMMY. and i also hope all the other sick ppl get better - - - > kim, yvonne, lee ... everybody. my prayers are with you and i hope yours are with me. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
| Anonymous | its sarah, 07-19-04 9:35am omg danielle im sorry i know how you feel my friend scott was just in an accident and it was really bad and all of my friends wanted to be in his place but everyone prayed for him and he is better so my prays r with your mom.. and if there is anything i can do let me know.. and if you need help on finding out who did that or what they did it for im right here.. i'll tell everyone i know to pray for your mom and hopefully she will get better.. but stay stong i know you can do it.. love yeah girl. |
seductiveeyez | 07-19-04 11:13am im reli sry about whats goin on in ur life right now. i wish i could help in sum way. your a good person u deserve to watch ur mom go thru that much pain...and she doesnt deserve to go thru it...i will keep you in my prayers |
| Anonymous | 07-19-04 12:04pm dee,im soo sry u have too go thro this because u dont deserve too be sick and nether does ur mom and i will pray every night for u i promise every tym before i go to bed wich is alot lol but if u ever need anything just call me anything im there for u
|
strawberrie | Re:, 07-19-04 12:30pm u know u have my prayers i told u that allll day yesterday sorry i couldnt help more n know i know why u didnt want me to come lol w/e idk what else to do i know a lil how u feel because even me watching her hurts...i just have somethings to ask u but they'll wait till things get better i dont need a fight not now....thanks for saying ur prayers are with my mom but ur's needs it more so god bless her babe! |
heartsbroken | 07-19-04 5:32pm Dee, i pray for yuor mom to get better. you guys dont deserve any of this. i wish there was more i could do for you and your mom.
|
Anonymous | Re:, 07-20-04 5:13am Dani of all the shit weve delt with together this is by far the worst. Im not exactly sure what to say because i dont know how you fell and know one ever will completely. Alls i can say is you know where to find me and that me of everyone is always there for. If you need a break from the family call me or if you just want to vent. Lets me and you split Bambi's pain 50/50 so shell be better. I wish!! You know ur in mine and my fanilys prayers. I cant stop thinking of you guys. And well figure out whos behind that other thing too. We have our hunches dont we? lol. U know my house is always open girly so dont be afraid to ask for anything if you need it. I love you more then anyone. Hang tough or ill cry with you. Ill call you tommrow. Muah!!! |
Anonymous | Re: Re:, 07-20-04 5:15am Dani, by the way that last comment is me and im dreadfully sorry that ur mom mistook you for that wretched beast of a creature. love you....Carly |
strawberrie | Re: Re: Re:, 07-20-04 1:02pm you know what carly fuck u u dont know me n i never did shit to u what happened to u IMing me fucking saying our beef is squashed???? why did u have to add that and be a bitch it makes no sence and why talk shit about me to Danielle im one of her B/f's 2 and u think she likes hearing stupid shit i dont talk shit about u so dont talk shit about me just leave my name out of ur mouth its not that hard!!! |
Anonymous | Re: Re: Re: Re:, 07-20-04 3:19pm haha. Heather ur so funny. how come the only time u ever have balls is when ur hiding behind ur fucking comp. U know where i live, The reasson my beef with you is back is because u fucked dani over once again. BIG SUPRISE!!. The reason im involved is because danis to nice and sum1 has to tell you how it is. U call urself a friend and then go and kiss the guy ur supposedly best friend likes. Yeah that makes for a real strong friendship. Find ur own guy heather dont try and steal other peoples crushes bcuz guys dont like ur. The only thing you got goin for u is ur chest bcuz ur personality is bullshit. U are fake chick. If you wanna settle this u know where i live or ask RJ. im not talking about this anymore on danis comments becuase she doesnt need the drama. If you dont wanna drama dont bring it upon urself. and thats not even the first time uve done that to her so wtf ever. |
strawberrie | Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 07-20-04 5:00pm kissed the guy she likes??????? Ricky???? i liked him as well n i didnt know she liked him n thats the str8 up truth we always like the same people tho so idk why is it fucked up if i do but not if she does shes the one talkin to him n shit now i dont care.........what are u trying to say u want 2 fight...im not gunna fight u carly their aint no reason for itdont like me w.e but i aint fuck danielle over who was their for her last ngiht when she needed someone who got Rj to go get her because she wanted to come here? i did i got her here because she wanted to be here n talk to me n shit so w/e im fake haha yeah right...but u are right about one thing not to bring this shit to dee's journal because she dont need no more drama on her plate so w.e peace out
|
Anonymous | Re: Re: Re:, 07-20-04 7:00pm carly i am not tryin to have beef with no one but thats bullshit the comment u made u shouldnt go on ur best friends journel and talk about one of her other best friends cause she really doesnt need draa right now and thats all ur doing is starting drama beetween u in heather and dee doesnt want to havwe to listen to of her best friends bitch at a tym like this if u were smart u would kno that
|
| Anonymous | STOP IT, NOW!!!, 07-21-04 12:23pm LISTEN... don't you guys this it's just a little bit childish and IMMITURE to fucking fight on danielle's journal, when she's going through all this. the last thing she needs/wants is to read about your bickering!! i dont know most of you, infact, i think heather is the only one i do know. but c'mon heath. handle your business elseware.
|