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| lifesuxsodanz (profile) wrote, on 7-27-2004 at 2:04am | |
| Subject: deep unpleasant thoughts... |
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| so much for not hurting myself anymore...on two accounts no less. There goes my willpower : \ some things I just can't take anymore so I will go back to my old way of handling things and just try not to let it get out of control this time. I don't know how I feel anymore so I've given up on feeling. I still don't know if finding someone is the answer to my problems I could never see myself letting anyone in right now I just feel scared and I feel like I am supposed to be alone. I truly don't know how to be any other way. don't look at me...don't touch me...it's just not good for either of us. I had the most aweful dream...coffin being lowered feeling regret eating my words graphic and poignant nothing ridiculous like I am used to...I think I woke up with tears in my eyes. Fuck my family even my mom doesn't want to see them anymore these days. Don't act all sweet and phony around me and then bitch at my mom behind my back for being a horrible parent and talk about how shes let me fuck up my life and I am going nowhere. And don't you fucking dare condescend to be concerned about it or me. I wouldn't even bother to see them if it was up to me so if they're going to treat me like a fucking four yr old who is too stupid to see past their bullshit then I'll make it my choice. God just fuck people I don't know where this mood came from. I'm not apologizing or anything I just was feeling positive a minute ago. Interesting I need a drink so bad alcohol can replace every emotion I am devoid of at the moment I am sure of it. I'll be happy and god knows I will want to be touched and everything will just become so clear. People will be grouped into two categories I love you I hate you nothing will hurt...its a beautiful thing. Build me up buttercup is the best song of all time. The lyrics are so damn depressing and the song is so upbeat. It is like a stupid little girl who loves being in love even though it is terrible and painful... and the worst of all you never call baby when you say you will but I love you still... who are the people you consider your friends...what has to be there in order to call something a friendship. Random poll anyone who still reads woohu comment. There was a reason but I don't think it matters...mostly Im just curious end |
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Lizzy | 07-27-04 10:14am i never realized that about build me up buttercup. but you're totally right.
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alwaysfalling | 07-27-04 5:59pm for true friendship... i think there has to be a sense of trust there and liking of course. who knows. i'm just a silly little girl.
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