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| glitterkisses (profile) wrote, on 7-31-2004 at 7:07am | |
| Current mood: annoyed Music: Martina McBride-How Far Subject: What was I really expecting ?? |
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| At the moment I'm a raging bitch. Yesterday was a fucking terriable day. My Grandpa, Jenna was upset w/ me, complete and total understanding, but it still sucked. Brianna pisses me way the fuck offf, that stupid little boy calling Jess names, my bitchy mother, couldn't go to the movies with Justin, and to top it off Dan and I didn't exactlly have such a "pleasent" conversation last night when he called. Yeah sure, after I fall head over heals for you, and pretty much get the picture when you can't pick up a damn phone and call me for a week when I use to talk to you every day and night. Hmm...make ya wonder doesn't it? Then I figure, a friendship is still worth a shot even though I was furious, sad, upset, incrediably hurt, I *NEVER* once said anything to you about how I really felt. I never really got a honest, sincere apology, or explanation. Not once, what was I really so terriable that I didn't at least deserve the truth? Because I would have been okay with that. Not you throwing the topic of hand aside, like it wouldn't bother me, never fully fledge , simply talking about it. Is that too difficult to handle? Let me think...no! It's not, not at all. I'm an understanding person. I wouldn't of hated you, disapoined yes, but still would have cared and wanted to saty close like we were. ughhh So I call you because when we talked easlier I told you how upset I was, what a bad mood I was in. to not call me then, but later when I wasn't so upset. Which is another thing I hate, I hate when you say you're going to call and you don't. I hate it!! fyi. So just either do it, or dont call me your going to. It's nice to just have you call and say hi, rahter than have a friend not call at all. So I call you last night to talk, vent, to one of my *best* friends which I do believe you said, "vent away" correct? So I did because I thought that hmm..it's Dan...he cares about me, he knows I'm having a rough day and I'm sure he won't mind listening to me vent for one night. Boy, was I wrong. Instead I ended up getting more frustrated and upset with even more to vent about. I just ended up getting off the phone trying to call Jess, then just crying and went to bed thinking, great I get to wake up in five fucking hours to go fucking pick corn, JUST PEACHY! A phone call to talk ended up being a really shitty idea. I'm sorry. and I'm sure you'll read this and nothing will come of it, but possiably making us go on not talking even longer. Just great, ughh. I'm sick of people, people's bull shit, everyone's drama, people lying, trying to impess each other, IM SICK EVERYTHING, I just want to scream!! Not to be all dramatic and pittied upon but I'm watching my Grandpa die, every single fuckind day, and it's tearing me and my family apart. I just don't even want to go home anymore becuase I know exactlly what to expect. The fighting, the arguing, quiet time, the pretending everything is fine or will get better when we all know it's only going to get worse, much worse. I can't handle anymore. ' Let alone tolerating people's bull shit?!? I don't think so. How I ever did before, I don't knowm maybe b/c I didn't have anything serious to point out how fucking stupid all this bullshit really it, but now that I do, don't expect anything less than me ignoring stupid, UN-IMPORTANT bull shit anymore, because I won't. I don't have time for it, nor the tolerance. When did everyone in high school turn into such sleezy, selfish, perverted, lieing, rude, in-considerate, dis-honest, un trustworthy, bitchy, fake, assholes and bitches, WHEN!?!?! *SCREAMS* All I needed was a good friend, a good talk, a hug, a kiss on the forhead, maybe time away from the house and work, something to assure me that things won't always be the way they are. Some fucking hope. That's all I was aksing was I really asking too much of you?!?! was I!?! God...I am so sorry.. I pray to you God, don't fail me now. As much as I hate what choose to make me deal with and handle. I know there's *some* reason for it, alothough they are never apparent. I pray you give me strength to last, keep holding me head up, not showing what will only bring me down, most of all...I pray you give me the strength to keep my faith..because I'm definatly losing it. You never let me down, please don't do it now. Jess |
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tare | 07-31-04 9:46am Not everyone is like that sweetheart.... you're just picking out the wrong ones. You'll find some great people in HS, you just have to look REALLY hard. :) |
glitterkisses | Re:, 07-31-04 3:27pm thanx tare
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BigBen61 | 07-31-04 2:15pm Hey if you ever need me you can call me anytime you need. |
glitterkisses | Re:, 07-31-04 3:24pm thanx ben, you're such a sweet boy.
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