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glitterkisses (profile) wrote,
on 8-3-2004 at 10:28am
Current mood: shitty
Music: Martina McBride-How far
Subject: Do you even care if I stay or leave..oh what's it gonna be...how far do I have to go to make you understand, I want to make this work so much it hurts

My day couldn't possiably get any worse and it's only fucking morning.

Last night my Grandpa called and said he is getting his lung removed today. His surgrey is at 2, but he has to be there at 11. So everyone in my family is going with him. Aunts, Uncles, Mom's, Dad's, Sister, Sister's boyfriend, everyone but me. I have to stay and watch Paige. Don't get me wrong, I love her, she's the cuttiest little cousin I've ever had..and I would love to watch her anytime..but while my Grandpa could be dieing, while I could never see him again, I wont' be there to even tell him how much I love him, how thankful and greatful I am for everything he did for us when I was little, for just being my Grandpa..who has been next door my whole life... Before he leaves today..I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just so..overwhelemd. I don't know what to say to him because if it's too much I don't want to make him nervous that something might happen during, and if I don't say anything at all...then if something does happen, then im fucked.

Just fucking shoot me. Nobody understands...not even myself, and as much as I want to say I'm ok, and I'm accepting everything, I'm not either of those things. I'm not able to just be ok with the fact that ..there's is NOTHING I can do to help. Not even with words, or hugs, there is nothing that fucking helps.

I took off work today, great....see how that'll go. GAWD JUST FUCKING sadkfjaslkfjal;skfj;alksfjaksjdflkasjdf;lasjdf
askdfjalskjf;laksjdflk;asjdf

I have to go babysit Paige but I'd really love if you stopped by anyone, so I had something to take my mind off of everything going on. So I'm not fucking going insane ..I'll be babysitting alone all day and night. Who knows till when, so feel free to come over.

*sigh* praying isn't doing me any fucking good.
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tare

08-03-04 11:06am

honey, i understand... maybe not completely... but i do. my gramma had cancer too, remember? i saw her pass and that was rough. if you need to talk i'm here.

(reply to this)

glitterkisses

Re:, 08-03-04 11:08am

Of course I remember Tare..

I actually thought about calling you last night, but thought it might be kinda wierd...thanx for that comment...although it's just a few sentences...it's nice, and you're the only person i can really think of who might comprehend how I feel..

thank you

(reply to comment)

Angel_Bob

08-03-04 12:00pm

It'll be alright. Don't worry.

My grandfather died of lung cancer and my aunt died of breast cancer.

Just keep going. Everything will be okay in the end.

Love you.

(reply to this)

Angel_Bob

08-03-04 1:29pm

I sort of skipped the point there.

What I mean to say is that if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know I don't know you well at all and you don't know me but if you need help or anything, I'm here.

(reply to this)

glitterkisses

Re:, 08-03-04 6:34pm

Thanx Rachel, that's sweet of you

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